


Love, Remus

by littlewonder



Series: Secrets and Lies [2]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:16:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 71,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2100459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Sequel to Secrets and Lies]</p><p>Do you believe in love after life? Even in the afterlife, it's complicated.</p><p>Severus Snape and Remus Lupin died in the Battle of Hogwarts in the same instant. There's something known well in the afterlife that all habitants are aware; if two people with an intimate bond die at around the same time, they are linked by a red string, bonded to each other magically as well as romantically.</p><p>But there's another rivalry. Lupin's wife, Tonks, also shares this bond with her husband, and she won't let him go without a fight.</p><p>Can any of them make sense of this tumultuous love triangle? And even if they can, is there any way to resolve their affairs without going down in flames?</p><p>Set in the post-war movement following the Battle of Hogwarts, Snape, Lupin and Tonks are torn from each other in a world after Voldemort, a world so like the lull that came in their own lives after Voldemort's first war. Now they must choose between contributing to this new world or folding to their desires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunions

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't really perfected this yet, and am currently going through first edits. So if it seems bad, it's because it is.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Lupin unite with Snape in death, and they are all faced with their histories, relationships and futures.

Severus Snape lay there bleeding to death, suffocating, and with snake's venom running hotly through his veins. His blood was slowing, his breathing ragged, a consuming  burn blazing through his entire body.

There no way out of this. The only comfort left was the memory of Lily's eyes.

Not knowing what waited on the other side,  in his last moments he was overtaken by despair, tears, frantic... He had to know if he'd done enough to be forgiven, if he was redeemed, good, even lovable. He wanted to know his life had some worth, in the end...

Remus was mad once to think they would be together. He had obviously married that Hufflepuff though, so he had clearly given up by now.

And yet, in the few minutes Severus had left to him, it was almost as though he could hear Remus calling out to him, and a warm energy rose in his chest, shining brighter and hotter.

He did not know what had happened; Voldemort had left, everyone was gone, and he was swallowed in darkness except for that invisible light in his chest that had no effect on his surroundings, before materialising in the same place, in the same position of his death. But his body was intact now and he got easily to his feet. Standing by the staircase were two familiar faces. Remus and Lily.

The room was dark, still being night, but the room was brightened by shining specks of what appeared to be tiny clusters of sand grains, hovering in their multitudes all around him, glowing like a lit wand. They obscured Severus' vision at first through the darkness, appearing only as silhouettes, but his eyes adjusted seconds later, and he saw his two loves as clearly as in daylight.

Remus was the first he spotted, looking brighter than everything else. He was youthful and strong as he had ever been as a schoolboy, his hair full and thick, and every single hair the same colour of brown. He wasn't shabby-looking anymore, which amused Severus to see. Lily was as beautiful as the day she last saw him, her green eyes shining bright. It was curious to see her again, and he soaked up every moment.

"Severus," said Remus, hand resting on the handrail of the staircase they both stood on, watching him. Behind him, Lily sat on the third step of the staircase. She looked at him too. They both had a look of loving acceptance, and Severus couldn't help but think of the irony that the only people who had loved him were Gryffindors, not Slytherins. There was something in him only Gryffindors could love, it seemed.

"Long time, no see."

"Death has improved you, I see," said Severus to Remus.

"Yes, I no longer have shabby robes, and I look my age. I never could have imagined this."

"You don't so look bad either, Sev," said Lily. She had reverted back to using her old nickname for him. That said more than enough to Severus.

"Indeed?" replied Severus. "And how do I look?"

"Well, your complexion has improved, for one thing," replied Remus.

"Your hair has cleared up, and..." she hesitated then, blushing, "...well, you just look radiant."

"Really?" replied Severus, lifting an eyebrow.

Lily nodded. "Yes," she answered him.

Of all the reactions he expected from Lily when this day came, blushing was bottom of the list. It was like they were back as children at Hogwarts, when there was still something there... Could there really be? No, couldn't be, she was too noble for that.

"What is all this dust?"

"Specks of magic," said Lily. "They float all around this world. This realm is so magical that the magic can't simply be contained in any body, and if you touch them, you can see any part of this world -- which is just as large as the physical world, and just the same, really, but inhabited by dead souls.

"None of us have real bodies anymore. The reason we look better in death than in life is because we are souls alone, not bodies. This gives us more freedom; we can walk through anything now, we can fly, and we don't need wands to cast spells because so much more magic is inside us now. Any magic in the physical world is drawn from here. It's like a gift from your last life."

"The tables have certainly turned on us," Severus noted. "It was once I who was teaching you about magic."

"You still know your fair share, though, don't you, Severus? All those spells you invented. Oh, Sev, why did you have to make such Dark spells?"

"You had no problem with Levicorpus, though," said Severus sardonically. "You certainly didn't seem to mind telling everyone all about it."

"Levicorpus?" asked Remus suddenly. "That was you?" he asked.

"Yes," said Severus and Lily at the same time. Lily's voice was grim when she spoke, Severus' voice drawling.

"Harry told me about that last year, and I assured him that it probably wasn't you when he insisted it was. I was wrong."

"Come on, Remus, its not that bad." Lily comforted Remus. "You were right, too. Severus was just the man Dumbledore insisted he was. You were right in that, in the end."

"Yes, I suppose," said Lupin. Then he turned to Severus and paused for a moment. "So what about me? Am I the man you thought I was?"

"What makes you think I would share anything more with you in this life than the last one?"

"Because now I know you love me."

Severus fixed Lupin with a glare, guarded. "How would you know?"

"You're glowing."

Severus was taken aback. Severus looked to Lily. Lupin joined his gaze, both men looking for outside confirmation.

"You are," she admitted, "This same thing has happened to James and me. Its when those who are strongly emotionally linked die within minutes of each other. They are bonded to each other so strongly that it can never break. It's like an Unbreakable Vow, only it's much more elemental than that. Unless you intend your heart to burn for the rest of your lonely days, you have to stay together. Its horrible, but so romantic..."

She caught Severus' look of disgust. "...Sorry, Sev."

"So that's it? I'm doomed to a life with Remus while watching you run off with Potter for eternity? I'd rather take the Death Eaters..." said Severus bitterly.

"I don't think so," said Remus unexpectedly. They both looked at him. "If you did," he explained, "this would never have happened in the first place. You love me, Severus, you just need time to see it."

"I do not," Severus spat. But his eyes were still distant.

"But," Remus protested, "how else do you explain this away? You can't run away from this anymore, Severus. Are you truly willing to endure that burn on top of everything else?"

"I will not rely on others to live --"

"You're not living. You haven't lived, truly lived, since Lily turned you away. You've rarely allowed yourself that chance. I'm offering it to you now. You can't turn me away, Severus. You know you can't. This isn't simple coercion; this is what you've wanted all along."

He looked suddenly at Lily, then, face guilty.

"It's alright," she replied. "If it eases your mind to know," she added to Snape, "no one but Remus can see it. Its like a couples insight thing."

Remus looked at her suddenly. "You can't see it?"

"No," she replied, "only you. And Sev himself, if he chooses to."

"If I choose to?" said Severus. "So I do have a choice in all of this?

"It's not really much of a choice," said Lily. "To break the connection is to bring irrevocable damage to your own soul. No one in their right mind would choose that, knowing what it really means."

"Why are you even here, Lupin? Why did you come to me, when you have hated me for a whole year?"

"I didn't truly hate you," said Remus. "Honestly, I wanted to, I wanted to so badly. I tried to, but I realised early on that I just couldn't. I was just broken up over you. You had to break my heart to make me realise I loved you completely. It didn't mean I wasn't angry, though."

"And you're here now to forgive me despite the fact that I killed Dumbledore, the great chessmaster, the one you admired and trusted so deeply?"

"I know he asked you to."

Severus stared stricken at Lupin. "How?"

"Lily told me."

"Oh," he said. "Did she tell you everything else?"

"I told him everything you passed on to Harry just before you died. Lupin died first, so when I discovered his connection, I thought I owed him the truth. Someone did."

"But I hadn't died yet. That connection couldn't really be made so early?" said Severus.

"It shined," said Lily, "with potential energy. There is another connection. What I discovered was that Lupin shone for you far brighter than the other. It is you he is meant to be with."

"And the other? Tonks?" said Severus.

Remus nodded. "Yes."

"So the connection doesn't need to be mutual? Don't I have a connection? I can sever ties? How do I do that?" he said, and turned to Lily.

"The same way with a Horcrux. You have to split the soul. But Sev -- you can't! I never wanted to see you unhappy. When you called me a mudblood, I knew I had to save myself from the poison you were creating in my life. But now you have someone who loves you! You have someone to love! Don't throw it away..."

"What you want for me and what I would choose myself are not the same," Severus told her.

"Maybe not," said Remus, and Severus turned back to him, "but in this case, she's right. As long as you truly love me, and I'm not simply pushing you into some sham, you can't just throw me away. Not now; it's far too late for that."

Remus looked across at Lily now, shifting Severus' gaze with him. "Is it possible to prove the connection?"

"Yes," she said, "I know of one way. That is, it works with me and James. Whenever we kiss --" Snape scowled, looking away, regrets already rising out of his mind from their kiss just hours ago in the halls of Hogwarts "-- a red string shoots out from our chests, tying us together. It makes for pretty interesting times..."

"What happens when the connection is not mutual?" asked Severus, looking back at her.

"The string... tangles, it sort of... wraps the other person in a bond... I don't know, I've only heard of it before, it's not the sort of thing that happens naturally..." said Lily. "To cast a spell like this, it can ruin you." Her expression of discomfort at trying to describe was nothing compared to Lupin's look of pure horror. "She's going to trap me, that woman. I'll never be able to escape her now..."

"Remus..." said Lily, worried as she forgot her attempts at describing it. "You can still be happy... Tonks is... we'll find another way to mend her soul. There's got to be some way..."

"Thanks for trying, but..." said Remus. He sighed. Lily put her hands over his shoulders, coming up behind him, holding on supportively to him, her fingers rubbing them soothingly.

Severus watched all this, feeling jealous, even slightly aroused...

"This is ridiculous," he said out loud, and they both looked at him. Severus walked right up to Remus and told him, "If you have no interest in the Tonks brat, just go up to her and tell her yourself. There's no reason to think she might kiss you. If you're that worried, you can just use a shield charm. You don't have that kid to worry about any more. You just have to do what you want now. People get their hearts broken every day. If anyone, I'm proof that they can pick up and move on..." _I've found you, didn't I?_

And then, just for the purposes of testing Lily's theory, he came forward and kissed Remus. He knew right away, though, that it wasn't just a simple, detached kiss. He felt fireworks, as if their souls were deeply in tune. It was right. The warmth bloomed in his chest like a rose, and when he dropped his hand in between them, it collided with strong, firm length of thread.

The red string. Lily was right.

 

 

Suddenly both of them froze. "We have to go," said Lily. "We're sorry, Sev," said Lily. "We’re about to be dragged into the physical world. Wait for us here."

"Goodbye, Severus," said Remus with some regret.

And they both vanished suddenly vanished as though they had just Disapparated, leaving two clouds of shining sand behind. Well, it wouldn't be the first time that magic had taken hold of Remus without his consent.

Slowly, Severus moved forwards to the floating dust, the cloud avoiding him as he moved forwards, he reached forwards and grabbed at the dust of Lily's clouds. Suddenly he saw her as clearly as if she were standing before him.

She was in the Forbidden Forest, but he could only see her face, so he brushed away more dust. He could see her more fully now and could see others were surrounding her. He felt connected to her in a weird sort of way, but somehow not right, even with this lightness, this unclouding in his mind, this adoration...

He let go, moving into Remus' dust cloud now, repeating the same action and saw the same scene from Remus' perspective. He felt Lupin in him, this grunge, this love, even a sweetness. It was the opposite to Lily; big in his heart, but small in his mind.

Now he saw it more fully. Lily and Remus were standing opposite each other. Next to Lily was Potter. Next to Remus was Black. They were all looking lovingly at Lily's son.

"Does it hurt?"

Severus sneered, almost tempted to laugh at the question. Black answered the younger Potter.

The boy, the only one left alive at this scene, was planning on going into the Forest and giving himself up to the Dark -- to Voldemort. The Marauders were all here to support him. And so was Severus, in spirit, even if as far as he knew he couldn't transport himself there metaphysically.

Severus could sense the dementors around, but they never came close, warded off by all the love and happiness shared between them six. He watched Potter through Remus' eyes, walking under the Invisibility Cloak, able to see through it for the first time.

Even though there had been anger and bitterness toward the boy before, Severus couldn't feel it now. He didn't know if that was because of Remus' influence or whether he was truly over it, but his expression seemed to reflect Remus' own loving look.

It hurt to love this much. Severus wondered briefly if that was why he spent so much of his time being miserable and angry; at least that was a pain he could feel comfortable in. But this... it was completely out of his comfort zone, it was completely wrong. And yet... had it been here this whole time? Or...

He closed his eyes, allowing Remus' presence to fill his chest. It gave him assurance, it reminded him of what was really important. Maybe this could be all right after all, maybe he could love Remus independently, maybe it would reflect no worse on him.

And soon, Severus thought, Potter would join them all in the afterlife.

They came into the clearing. Voldemort turned away, disappointed at not seeing Potter there, not seeing him as they did under the cloak.

And then Potter threw it off. And he died.

Every thing went white. The trees around them, the sky, even the dirt on the ground was washed out and bright. He stood there in the clearing, alone but for the Marauders. He was at the edge, behind Remus. Soon Lily, then Black and Potter, and finally Remus saw him.

"What are you doing here, Snape?" barked Sirius.

Severus crossed his arms. "I'm dead too, Black. I died tonight, like your friend, Lupin."

Black marched forward. "You stay away from him, he's mine --"

"Oh, I don't think so," said Severus calmly, stepping forward in front of Remus to confront Black. "You died two years ago, Black. And while I'm glad to have outlived you, there is also a certain other perk of my death. Lupin and I are connected now. Perhaps you'd like me to prove it --"

"No!" shouted Black. "That can't be true! Remus, tell me it's not!"

Remus came around Severus' right side, caressing his arm. "It's true, Sirius, I'm sorry. Lily witnessed it, you should ask her --"

"Wait a minute," said Potter. "Do you mean to tell me," he made a circle at them with his finger, "that all of you are gay?"

"I am," said Remus.

"Hey, I like the ladies, don't get me wrong, James," said Black, turning back to Potter. "But I can just as much get off on men."

Potter suppressed a look of disgust, turning to Severus. "What about you?"

"Do I look like your friend, Potter? I may have kept your son alive for all these years, but that does not mean I like you."

"Where is Harry, anyway?" wondered Lily.

"And why does it look so different out here?" added Remus.

"Oh, I didn't mention that, did I? It must be dawn by now... This is what our world looks like during the day."

"What about the magical dust?" asked Remus.

"We don't live in a fairy world," said Potter. "That stuff is just particles. And it's still around us, only we can't see it right now. You only see that stuff at night, except Muggles, of course."

"Right, well --"

"Maybe his soul was sent somewhere else," said Black.

"He wasn't called to us?" said Lily, "His family? No --" she realised. "We're not his home. His home is --"

"Hogwarts," said Potter.

"I guess we're going into the castle..." said Lily.

"Why would I wake up in the Shrieking Shack, if we are called to home?" said Severus.

"I suppose you were tied to that place," suggested Lily. "I mean, you and Remus... I remember when we were children, Sev, how insistently you tried to convince me... of what Remus was..."

"That wasn't it," said Black, and the words sounded cruel to Severus' ears. "That's where Snape first fucked Remus."

The looks of shock that registered on the Potters faces stirred fury and humiliation in Severus' gut.

"After he found --" said Lily.

"No, before," said Black. He was now glaring malevolently at Severus. "You always deserved to learn who he really was, you deserved to pay. And I made sure of that."

"That was not okay," said Remus, the ferocity of his glare matching Black's. "I could have killed him --"

"And he would've deserved it!" snarled Black.

"But I didn't. Sirius," said Remus, "my old friend... did you ever really care for me?"

Sirius looked taken aback, enraged even at the implications of Remus' question. "Remus... of course!" he cried.

"Then why do you still not regret what you did to me in the Shrieking Shack?"

"And what about Snivellus!" Black snarled. "You care more for him than me?! I became an Animagus for you, Remus! What did he ever do? Treat you like dirt, that's what!"

"I know you think he deserved it, Sirius," said Remus. "But that was attempted murder! It would've been by my hand that he would've died. How could I have lived with myself...? What would they have done to me? He knows by now that it wasn't my fault. He has come to terms with me, Sirius, even accepted me," he said. "And before you start," he added quickly, seeing Sirius was about to argue, "I know you always more than accepted me. I was always grateful for your friendship. Don't misunderstand me, I'm still grateful... but Severus... I was always afraid to tell you, or James...I knew how you'd react --"

"Damn right!" cried Sirius.

"So I just pretended to hate him too... showed you favour... I was still afraid you'd break our friendship... always... it meaned so much... then after Voldemort killed James and Lily," said Lupin, with a sympathetic glance towards them, "and I thought you had made it so... for twelve years... I moved on, but when I found out the truth... I realised I still had something to hold onto... until Severus came along and I started to doubt where my loyalties should lie... and then you died..."

"But I'm back! We're all dead now! And we're together!" cried Sirius, trying to snap Remus out of it. But Lupin still had that guilty face on.

"I don't know what to say, Sirius. I know we were friends... I know you're here, I know this should all end happily... but you are no longer mine."

"Remus, we still care for you, James and me! We're still friends! We're still your friends!"

"That's not what I meant..." said Remus. "You know that. Of course you are, but... I don't think I ever felt that way about you. I'm not that same idealistic pushover you knew, Sirius. And I don't love you."

Black looked hysterical, but stayed silent and still, that crazed, disbelieving expression plastered on his face.

"But that's not true," said Severus at Remus' side.

Remus turned to him questioningly. "Severus, I... Why not?"

"Tonks," he explained. "You let her do the same thing to you that Black spent doing for all those years. That was your doing as much as theirs."

"Severus, surely you don't still blame me --?"

An awkward silence descended over the five of them, before Black suggested they head back through the forest.

"You know where I first ended up when I died?" said Lily, changing the subject as they walked. "King's Cross. I don't know, I guess it's... A lot of stuff happened there for me, too. King's Cross is where Tuney... and it's where I met James. It's where, you and me, Sev... it's where that hope for a new life at Hogwarts began."

"Do you think Harry ended up there?" asked Remus.

"No way," said Potter. "He's ended up at Hogwarts for sure. I can't wait to see him for the first time in the flesh..." he said, a big smile plastered on his face.

"James," said Lily, "you know, I would have preferred if Harry had lived a long and happy life... rather than be reunited with us sooner..."

"I would, as well," said Potter. "But I can't wait to see him again!" His step quickened.

Hogwarts looked rather the same as the way he'd left it, only instead of stone, it looked to be made of white marble. "Is that real?" said Severus.

"No," said Lily. "It looks like marble in the daytime. But at night, you can see the world for what it really is. Hogwarts is made of stone, as it ever was."

But as the neared closer to the castle, Severus had to register his astonishment at the power of the illusion. It looked and felt exactly like real marble. "Impressive," he said.

"Are you sure it's not real?" said Remus.

"Quite sure," said Lily.

"Where'd you wake up, then, if it wasn't here, Remus?" said Potter.

Remus opened his mouth to answer, but before he could, a voice yelled over his.

"REMUS!"

Before he had time to register what was happening, Tonks arrived at the steps of the Entrance Hall and hugged Remus to the ground and kissed him. "Oh Merlin, Remus, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Sorry to worry you, Tonks," said Lily. "I stole away Remus for a little while. But we're back now."

But before anyone else could respond to Lily's apology, Severus was aggressively pulling Tonks off Remus before the red string could completely overtake Remus' entire body. To his surprise, though, the red string connected to Tonks' heart, knotted but not attacking him. "Remus --"

"What the hell, Snape!" cried Tonks. "Don't you call him Remus! Since when have you ever cared about him?"

"Since he stole him from me at Hogwarts!" snapped Black, as Severus lifted Remus to his feet.

"What?"

Holding Remus close at the waist, Severus said, "Perhaps you'd like a demonstration?"

This time, Severus held no reservations, finally able to let go of his inhibitions, of all their life's secrets and lies, and he kissed Remus tenderly. His red string connected to Remus' heart, right beside Tonks'. Severus held him tighter, kissed more passionately --

"Guh, uh, T--Sev--"

Severus finally pulled away, glaring at Tonks, his mind finally begging the question. "How did you get into his heart?"

"I happen to be his wife --"

"You were his wife in the last life. I'll be damned if you will be in this one. He never loved you"

"Yeah he did! And besides, you don't really have a choice in the matter, Snape! He loves me --"

"He's gay."

Tonks froze. "What?" she said, her voice subdued this time.

"I think you heard me, Tonks," said Severus.

"Will you shut up?" she snapped. "No, he can't be --" she said. "Look at my string -- It -- it --It's in his heart! There's still a chance for us!"

"Have some pride, Tonks, it's over for you now. He's mine, now."

"Are -- are _you_ gay?"

Severus hesitated. Did he really want to reveal so much of himself to this whelp? "No," he said. Now they knew, they all knew, what he really was.

"You mean you --"

"He's like me," said Black.

"You --" cried Tonks. "Sirius, I never knew."

"Oh Merlin..." cried Tonks. "Who else is there, Remus? Any other lovers I should know about?" she demanded.

"Tonks, you've -- you've got it wrong --"

"Then how is it, Remus?" she cried. "Go ahead, you explain it to me!"

"Severus, and Sirius... back when I was at school... it's an old rivalry. Sirius and I were together for a while. And Severus and I... well, that goes a little deeper..."

"You mean he went deeper into you?" Black retorted.

"You slept with him?" cried Tonks.

Reluctantly, Remus nodded.

"Oh Merlin! Recently, or --"

"No," said Remus, "years ago. When we were teenagers."

"Decades ago, you mean," smirked Black.

"But it was just meaningless, right?" begged Tonks.

"Look again," said Severus, "If it was, I wouldn't have a direct link to his heart."

Tonks was crying. "Remus... please... tell me none of this is true..."

"I'm sorry, Tonks."

Her lips trembled, tears pouring down her face. "I'm -- I'm sorry. We'll talk later..." And she dashed off.

"You kind of have to feel bad for her..." said Potter.

He exchanged looks with Black, who looked slightly guilty. Severus, however, did not. "She'll get over it," Severus said. "After all she's put me through..."

"What? What exactly did she put you through, Snape?" demanded Black.

Severus exchanged glances with Remus, but said nothing. Instead, Remus looked to Potter. "James... there's something I've been worrying... wondering about," said Remus. "Back this past year, Harry and I had an argument..."

"I saw that," said Potter. "You punched my son."

Remus looked down guiltily. "Sorry about that, James... I just... lost my temper..."

"I know," said Potter. "You want to know whose side I was on, don't you?" he asked.

Remus nodded.

"I'm sorry, Harry was right. But..." he smirked, "all things considered, I felt bad for you. You shouldn't have punched him, but I think I know why you did. If I had still been alive then, I would've done something for you..."

"I know, James," smiled Remus. "And I think I knew somewhere that you would've... agreed with him. In the end, I think that's why I came around."

"You should have never married her."

For a moment, Remus looked up in shock. But then he smiled, knowing his friend understood. "I know."

"Come on, let's go find Harry," said Lily. "Do you think he might be in the Great Hall?"

"No, too full of new dead. He wouldn't want to be..." said Remus.

"He wouldn't want to reunite with all his old friends?" said Potter.

"Let's check the Great Hall," agreed Black.

The tangled red string had by now sunk into Remus' skin, leaving him free again. Severus took his hand and led Remus there. He squeezed hard.

"Severus... what is it?"

"They're watching us. They're judging us. I don't need this." A moment later, he let go of Remus' hand. Remus, however, didn't. Severus looked back at him.

"It's not a crime to show affection in public."

Tempted to squeeze back. Tempted to kiss Remus, just because Remus wanted him to. He hovered closer for a moment, but pulled back. "No. Not now," he said.

Remus looked upset, but didn't push it. "Fine," he said, "but say you'll stay by my side."

"Obviously."

When they reached the doors of the Great Hall, Severus led Remus along the walls. He could see Tonks on the opposite side, avoiding Remus' gaze. In turn, he ignored her, and looked for Potter.

In the end, they met up with the Marauders, who came up with the same result. "He's not here."

"Maybe we should split up. Me and Remus can go --" began Black.

"If anyone's going with Remus, it's me," said Severus.

"Well maybe I don't think you loverboys should be alone together right now. You might forget all about Harry and start snogging each other --"

Potter made a face.

"Jealous, Black? Do you really expect me to believe that your intentions towards Remus are completely innocent? Still too greedy and immature for your own good, I see..."

"Guys," interjected Lily, "I'll go with Remus --"

"No," said Severus and Black at the same time. They glared at each other.

Remus touched Severus lightly on the shoulder, causing the other man to flinch. "I want to go with Severus," he told Black.

And that was it, no more argument.

"Fine," said Lily. "Then James and I will check the grounds."

"And Severus and I will check the common rooms."

"Great. I'm all alone again," said Black.

"Well, by all means, you can invite Tonks to search with you," suggested Lily.

Black looked over at Tonks, face turned away and drawn into herself.

"Great. I get the Lonely Hearts Club Band."

"Have fun, Sirius!" teased James, before taking off with Lily.

"Indeed," smirked Severus, leading Remus off towards Gryffindor Tower.

"I hope we don't have to meet up too soon with Tonks after this search is over..." said Remus once they were out of earshot of Black. "I still feel guilty about what went on between us. I really hope she does get over me. She's not the kind of girl who gives up easily, though... I think she truly loves me..."

"It's just another of her flirtations. She'll get past it," said Severus.

"Do you really believe that?" said Remus.

"I have to," said Severus. "Can't have me believe her connection to you actually meant something..."

"Severus." Remus stopped Severus, holding him firmly. "I'm sorry I did any of it. I caused this, even when you warned me... This is my fault, but we'll face it together. Okay?"

Severus turned more fully to face Remus, his face full of irony. "We shoot her down any more right now, and I'm afraid Ms Tonks might fall into a depression."

"No, of course not --"

"Then why did we stop?"

"Sorry," said Remus. "Let's just break into Gryffindor Tower so we can find Potter already..."

Severus smirked with a slight nod of his head, and they headed off again.

 

"Severus," smiled Dumbledore.

Severus froze at the entrance of Gryffindor Tower. "Dumbledore."

Unlike Severus, though, Remus smiled wide, releasing his hand from Severus' and stepping forward towards him. "You're here."

Dumbledore smiled warmly at Remus. "Yes, indeed, I am here. Although, might I add, it was bad of you to let Severus in here, when he's not a Gryffindor." Having said that, he looked right at Severus. "I suppose you two are looking for Harry Potter? I have just been to meet him. I knew Lily and James must be looking for him, so when I returned, I came up here to wait for them. He's alive now; he's returned back to the living world, to fight against Voldemort. I didn't expect to see either of you here, especially you, Severus. After all you went through for her, are you really still chasing after Lily?"

"Indeed not. She has moved on, it's about time I did too."

"Well, we're in the perfect place for that. The afterlife is like a second chance, don't you think?" said Dumbledore. 

"But Dumbledore," interrupted Remus. "You said you went to meet Harry. When, how? Where was he?"

"Well, as their minds were both connected, both of their souls were sent to King's Cross. Harry was the dominant personality being the only one of the two who remains whole. I sensed the shift in his soul, as I've been watching him closely all this year, so I followed him there. I assumed his parents would come here to search for him."

"So Harry ended up at King's Cross..." said Remus. "The same place Lily woke up when she first crossed over. Why do you think that is?"

"Perhaps he similarly felt his soul tied to that place, where he could be both a wizard and a muggle, away from the war." said Dumbledore. "Of all other places, even including Hogwarts, it could truly be the start and the end for him."

Remus smiled back at Severus, about to get his own opinion about it all, when he finally noticed Severus standing there brimming with anger, staring right into Dumbledore. It was the first time Severus had seen Dumbledore since he died, and Remus had never seen more hate on his face. Which was saying something in his case, remembering the look he had regularly received from him when Remus had first returned to Hogwarts as a teacher.

This was far worse than that. Besides his eyes, which now simmered with fury, his fists were clenched, his muscles tight, his throat constricted and his skin paler than he'd ever seen. And there was Dumbledore looking passively straight back at Severus, his eyes searching and taken back, face looking surprised.

"...Severus?" whispered Remus, only noticing as he spoke that his throat, too, was constricted. He started noticing other things about his body, then, too; it was shaking, and his mouth slightly agape. He closed it.

Still Severus said nothing. Instead, Dumbledore was the next to speak. "Remus, what you should understand is --"

"What should he understand, Dumbledore?" demanded Severus. "That you didn't mean to get me killed? That you never used me to achieve your own ends?"

"You appear to have forgiven Remus. You can surely --"

"You continued to manipulate me right up to my death. Why should I forgive you? At least Remus put up a show of effort. I am not your man, Dumbledore, not anymore. I have no incentive, no driving force, to truly forgive you for all that you've done to me."

"Severus...?" Remus tried again, throat cleared.

"And what of everything Voldemort has done to you, Severus? Surely you do not hate me more than him? Even if you owe me nothing, there is surely another who does."

Severus followed his gaze to Remus, and his gaze turned protectively against Dumbledore. However, his eyes softened on Remus. "Perhaps it's time I was honest with you, Remus. About everything."

"Are you going to show Remus your patronus, Severus? Or are you going to enlighten us both to how I ever betrayed you?"

Severus paid Dumbledore no mind. He had eyes now only for Remus.

"I've never seen your patronus, Severus," said Remus. Indeed, he'd never shown him, or anyone else, what his patronus looked like.

"Expecto Patronum."

Lily's doe galloped into thin air, lighting the already glowing air with her presence. "Lily? You still...?"

Severus frowned at Remus. "Whatever I feel for you, Remus," said Snape, "I will always love Lily. I loved her first..."

"You love her more."

Severus glanced at his patronus, galloping around him, completely oblivious to this serious conversation. "It would appear so."

Remus frowned. "I guess no matter what any of us does, we're all just fools breaking each other's hearts." Remus' face glistened with tears Severus hadn't noticed until he shucked in a shaky breath.

"Lily," he told his patronus, and it stopped and looked at him, in midair. "Go tell the others Harry is alive." And soundlessly, she galloped through the portrait behind them and bounded off.

Remus blinked. "You called him Harry..."

Severus looked back firmly. "As much as I still hate Potter, I made my piece with his son soon after I crossed over."

"And yet you still cannot forgive me, Severus?" said Dumbledore.

"No matter what you did for me, for Lily, no matter the secrets you kept for me, it was all a part of some game to you. I cannot forgive you. Ever since I learned about Harry Potter, I've known truly who you really are. Ever since I learned what you had planned for him from the beginning, I only followed your instructions out of duty. I have hated you since then. The fact that I can see and talk to you now does not change the fact that murdering you split my soul just as it would have split Draco's. I switched sides for you as much as for Lily... this was an unforgivable betrayal... In your own way, you are just as ruthless as Voldemort."

He looked to Remus then, now avoiding Dumbledore's eye. "I'm an incomplete man, Remus. And now I'm expected to love you fully? How can I, when so much me is broken...?"

"We are incomplete souls, Severus, both of us... But together, we fit... Perhaps it will just take time."

"Time is a very troublesome homewrecker," said Severus bitterly. "Tonks is also connected to your heart."

"She probably thinks the same of you," Remus pointed out.

"She can think what she wants," said Severus.

"Ah yes, Tonks," said Dumbledore, filling Severus with fresh anger. "I suppose she knows about you two now... Not taking it well, I suppose..."

"I'm leaving. Are you coming, Remus?"

"Sorry, Albus," Remus apologised, following Severus out.

[End Chapter]


	2. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the war, the dead are left behind to deal with the aftermath. Snape and Lupin, leaving the world of the living behind them, are finally able to do what they couldn't in life; be together. But one woman, Lupin's wife, stands in their way. She is also bonded to Lupin in death, and now they are forced to face what this means.

Even though the war was ending in the land of the living, the tension in the castle as Snape and Lupin passed several Death Eaters still fighting the war told him that it didn't mean that things were over in this new realm. Snape eyed Rosier casting curses at the members of the Order of the Phoenix.

They didn't see Bellatrix at all. Snape suspected that she was somewhere behind the scenes, working with Voldemort, trying to keep up the fight...

"We should meet in the Great Hall," said Snape. "We're vulnerable here, Lupin, the diehard Death Eaters here are still fighting, and I was one of them. I can only think they still think I am one of them, but that won't last... they may well think you my prisoner. They may not see you at all yet, but they will."

Lupin frowned. "You called me Lupin."

Snape squeezed his eyelids closed, furrowing his eyebrows. "Forgive me Lupin, Remus, I'm still getting used to all... this... I still don't know how I feel or what I should do." He opened his eyes, looking back up at Remus. "I know this: you're worth defending. I'm not a Death Eater. Tonks doesn't deserve you. I love you, but I don't know how to be with you."

Half of Remus' face lifted up in a smile. "You love me."

Severus took Remus' hand and tugged him along with a jerk. "Now, hurry up, we have to get to the Great Hall and meet the others. I'm delivering the message right now as we speak."

Somehow, when six of them including Tonks arrived in the Great Hall, they created a circle with Remus and Tonks opposite each other **. B** oth awkwardly avoided each others' gaze. Snape looked around at everyone else, avoiding eye contact with either Lupin or Tonks, and found himself too close to Black for comfort.

"Well, we got your message, Sev," said Lily, "although it was a little late; Death Eaters had already found and attacked us by the Whomping Willow. You'd think they were Dementors, the way they creep around..." she said, disturbed.

 _Yeah_ , Snape reminded himself, he and Lily were too opposite of each other ever to have worked out.

"Me and Sirius, too," Tonks added, now looking directly at Lily. "They caught us just before the Greenhouses."

Lily looked to Snape. "Did you and Remus get attacked, Sev?"

"We did pass several Death Eaters, but I believe my reputation protected us from most of them," he said.

"You would just be the perfect snake, wouldn't you, Snape?" complained Black.

"At least they're both safe," said Lily.

"That's not what you said when you left him for James," Black retorted.

"Sev and I never had that sort of relationship," said Lily.

Snape and Lupin exchanged looks. Why then did Snape find it so much harder to feel for him the way he felt for Lily? He did love Lupin, deeply, but deeper still, in the deepest pits of his heart, was her. Why, when it would just be so much easier to love Lupin with everything he had?

But he meant what he said when he said 'always', and he knew that meant that no matter how deeply he loved Lupin, Lily would always be there in his part, possessing a part of him.

He had Lupin's heart... but so did Tonks. What did that mean?

Black smirked, but Snape didn't waste more than a few seconds glaring back at him.

"I should hope not," Potter joined in with Black's smirk.

"I believe," said Snape, directing everyone's attention back to the point at hand, "that this might only be the start of something against the Death Eaters. We no longer have  _Potter's precious son_ to dispatch Voldemort, but it is also possible that Voldemort does not have an entire soul to... take care of. It is also possible that Bellatrix Lestrange this very moment is with Voldemort as if to start this war all over again. I don't know what she might do... so it is imperative that we find her as quickly as we can. We will have a better chance together than apart, not just against Bellatrix and Voldemort, but against any other Death Eaters we may meet."

The group stirred under his words, fired up enough with outrage and duty by the end of his speech that they took off immediately after Bellatrix.

 

 

They found her and Voldemort in the Room of Requirement.

She stepped in front of him, defending her Dark Lord with an expression of madness and fury, and it was all directed at Snape. "I always knew you were never to be trusted, Snape!" cried Bellatrix.

Snape stepped forward in front of Remus, providing a wall of protection against her. "How perceptive of you, Bellatrix --"

"DON'T NAME ME WITH YOUR DIRTY TRAITOR TONGUE!" Bellatrix shrieked.

"For once I agree with Snape! You are never go to see the light of the freedom again!"

Bellatrix cackled. "You gonna kill me, Sirius Black?"

Remus turned to Black who stood beside Severus, his gaze determinedly set forward. "Is that possible, Sirius?" aske Remus.

Black turned briefly to Remus. "No --"

A flash of green light blasted Black aside, knocking Potter aside with him, and Bellatrix rushed forward. "NO --" cried Remus, seeing Black's limp form fall, as Tonks, Lily and Snape rushed forward to capture Bellatrix.

Tonks' own jet of light knocked Bellatrix down, sent not by wands or even hands, but the light around them, and Severus caught her in the same spell he'd used to capture Remus in the Shrieking Shack in '93, lashing her with magical ropes in which to drag her humiliatingly through Hogwarts. That spell had particularly bad memories for Remus, though, that even the sight of Bellatrix delivered a pang of hurt to him.

"Voldemort should only need to be carried."

"But Snape, where are we going to take them? If what Sirius said was true --" said Tonks.

"Oh, I think it is," said Severus. "Despite my ill feelings towards Black, I think the six of us -- you, me, Lily, Remus, Bellatrix and Voldemort -- should leave here on that assumption and take these two somewhere to be locked up."

"What, and just leave James and Sirius here on the ground --?"

"They will come around eventually, and when they do, they can leave of their own accord."

"There is another way," said Lily, and they all looked to her now. "Azkaban is no deterrent in this world. If you really want to locked them away from society, then you have to lock them inside their own bodies. Voldemort is already halfway there, given the weakness he's in now, but there is a spell that can block their magic, that can block even their souls inside their metaphysical bodies. The Ministry uses it all the time, and only the exact person that cast it can undo it. It's pretty complex magic..."

"Wait, we still have a Ministry --" said Remus.

"Of course we have a Ministry! We have a Hogwarts, don't we?"

"Do you know the spell?" said Severus.

"I think so..." said Lily. Snape dragged Bellatrix before her. "Can you cast it on her?"

"I can try."

And she began to say the enchantments, a complicated string of sentences. When she was done, a crystal mist washed over Bellatrix, and her eyes turned empty. "Now it's as if she really was dead. We can leave her here if we want to now."

"It'd be better if the other Death Eaters don't find her -- or Voldemort," said Snape.

"Fine, I'll take them both to Azkaban. You three take Sirius and James back to the Great Hall."

"We will, Lily, don't worry," said Tonks.

A moment later, Lily disapparated, both evil souls in her arms.

Snape and Tonks turned away from where Lily had disappeared, facing Remus now, and all three of them looked awkwardly between one another. None of them knew what they should say to one another.

A sound knocked them from their reverie. " _Merlin_ \-- Sirius --"

Both Snape and Tonks turned. It was Potter, who Remus and Tonks rushed over to, pulling Black aside while Snape turned and watched them with disdain.

"So you weren't hit by the curse!" said Tonks.

"What curse? What happened?"

"Bellatrix Lestrange," explained Remus. "She hit Sirius and we thought you with Avada Kedavra. But thank Merlin you're all right..."

"Avid Kedavra is never permanent here," said Potter, "Bellatrix would've learned that if she'd spent any time here at all. But I guess we'd better take Sirius back. She must hate him a lot more than she hates me..."

 

 

 

 

Severus Snape had lived through pain before, and he had certainly had his fair share of heartbreak. But it was nothing compared to this; flames licked at every inch of his insides, and although he had certainly been expecting pain to an nth degree, it was still nothing compared to this. It was worse than the strongest of Crucios, worse even than Avada Kedavra or the Unbreakable Vow. It had more power than all three Unforgivables.

And that wasn't even the end of it. Just as the Phoenix can create melody out of sorrow, so his emotional grievances echoed through his heart, reducing him to an undignified ball on the floor. Never before had Snape felt such humiliation, even if no one was around. He couldn't move his body, so it stood to reason that eventually he would be found, crawled up and crying. It was already worse than when Potter had pantsed him in front of a fair chunk of the student body when they were students themselves.

And who was this all down to? Lupin. Remus bloody John Lupin. Why had it broken so evenly? He was used to being second-best, but now he was nothing at all. He simply couldn't allow himself to be gay for Lupin, not when this whole web of crossed strings tightened all around him, not when he couldn't see where the love lie in any of their hearts. Black, Lily, Tonks, Lupin... he couldn't tell if Lupin loved him any more than anyone else, if even he loved Lupin outside of this soul-crushing spell or if all of this was just an illusion of the magic.

A sound escaped his lips. The burn in his heart was growing hotter still, and Snape didn't even know it could get worse. The sounds grew in agony, noise level, and frequency, and Snape knew he was doomed. It was going to happen any moment now; he was going to be found any moment now.

"Snape?"

It was Tonks. She was clutching at her chest, leaning against the doorway, and panting heavily. It might have looked as though she run for kilometres if Snape could look at her, but the agony of the spell had his eyes cast directly downwards in resistance. Snape tried harder to suppress his humiliation and failed. He'd never felt so weak.

"It's happened to you too..." came Tonks' voice, distant now. "Remus was right... you're attached to him too... you're... into that...?"

A furious growl rose suddenly and loudly from his chest. How dare she be so disrespectful? How dare she mock him while he was in agony? She should be like this too... why was she not writhing in pain?

"Okay, okay, so you're not!" she cried suddenly. Her voice had cut the air with its strength, the way it smoothed over so quickly, and it pierced into him, too. And suddenly he suffered a particularly strong stroke of flames and screamed. He knew what that one meant; he was jealous of her collected state.

She slipped to the floor, and he realised she wasn't so strong. The flame released him momentarily, just enough to crawl around to look at her. She was flushed and clutching harder than before, eyes clenched tight, letting out intermittent moans of pain. And it suddenly occured to him that matters hadn't broken so evenly after all; no matter what happened, at least one person would still suffer forever and always. Lupin was really a fool for letting this happen.

"You should be like me," said Snape coldly to her. "You should be the one on the floor, bursting with agony and barely able to control yourself. Why aren't you?"

Tonks spared him a red-faced glare. "Why should I be in your place?" she groaned. "I was here first. I'm strong --"

"Keep telling yourself that. What do you think I am?" said Snape.

"Sneaky, slippery, sarcastic, hate -- ah -- ful... demanding..."

"In short, not the type to be balled up on the ground like some pathetic, wannabe-girlfriend whose so desperate for attention --"

"Don't you dare --"

"Why not?" said Snape. "You're very clearly helpless right now, and we are no longer on the same side anymore. I finally have the freedom to do and say what I want to you."  
  
"And what might that be?" spat Tonks.

Snape smirked.

"You think I'm weak, don't you? You're wrong. You should be writhing on the floor like me right now. The fact that you're not only proves that whatever it is isn't love. You don't deserve him. I do."

"I thought you said you weren't gay!" said Tonks.

"I'm not!"

"Then what?" she retorted. "And I do love him! I'm on the floor too, aren't I?"

"Always trying to get the upper hand, always looking for attention. Definitely a nobody."

"You sexist bastard, what would you know about love, anyway?"

"You think I'm an idiot, you think I don't have the proper experience? It takes more than simply experience to really understand. It takes wisdom to understand the mistakes of the past. I'm not exactly a virgin."

"When exactly did you ever come out?"

"It was that sexual experience that put me in the closet in the first place!"

"What, that bad, was it? With who?"

"With your husband," said Snape.

"So you are gay --!"

"No," said Snape. "You think I'm sexist, and here you are being biphobic. Typical double standard."

"And he and I are husband and wife," retorted Tonks. "Clearly, I've won. You're just the ex."

"Oh, don't think some ceremony can keep you safe. As long as I'm here, he will always love me more," he said, even though his aching doubt. 

"Do you really wanna be that man?"

"I missed my chance with Lily; I'll be whatever man I need to be. You could have anyone."

Tears spilled from Tonks' eyes. "I could have. But it's too late now. I love him. And you're not going to change my mind about that, Snape! No matter how bloody miserable you are, I don't care! I'm in love with Remus!"

"Dear Merlin..." said Snape. "You actually do, don't you?" His voice was hollow.

"What do you think? Of course I do, you cold bastard!" shouted Tonks. Tears spilled from her eyes as she bent her head over, looking gutted.

He knew it was from the flames licking at her chest, the flames that spread from the base of the red string. Remus thought it was red for love. Snape was convinced the string was coloured with their blood. He knew completely that that was what love did to you. But he was in far too deep to do anything about it now. He was stuck.

Stuck on him. On Remus.

All this time, even seeing the connection Tonks held to Remus, even magically, he'd still been too naive to see it. He supposed that was always his problem; there had always been a streak of fierce denial in certain things, things he couldn't face.

But whether or not he was ready to face it now, he had no choice. If Tonks loved Remus, and they shared this magical connection, did that mean that Remus was in love with Tonks? 

"Don't let Remus hear you say that," retorted Snape. He smirked at the thought.

"He -- he's not gay, he loves me!"

Her sweet denial was like poison. And he was a Slytherin, after all, didn't he owe it to himself to speak to that?

"Look me in the eye and ask yourself why I share such a profound bond with your husband, that we are bound by magic, if I mean nothing to him. Because you know it, don't you? You know the truth of our relationship, just as I understand the truth of yours. So what are we going to do about it? Blame Remus? Blame ourselves? Is that what Remus would do? Fight? Neither of us are Gryffindors, we both know there's no happy ending to this story. Even in the afterlife, it's complicated."

"I'm a Hufflepuff!" cried Tonks. "Badgers never back down, so don't you'll ever trick me into doing what you want, Snape!"

The ground was rough under his hands. He wondered how it would feel to send her sliding across it.

"Don't even think about it, Snape," she shot, lifting her eyes up to his face.

He simply glared back at her. "Do you really think that'd settle it?" he asked. "Juvenile."

"I know what you're implying, but I'm not too young --"

"You are too young!" he snapped. "What are you doing, getting involved with someone who could almost be your father! What are you compensating for?"

"I'm not compensating for anything!"

"Bullshit."

"I'm sorry," said Remus.

They both turned to the door. Remus stood there, his shoulders hunched, his eyes blank and defeated. "I did this to both of you. I was a fool. But believe me when I say," he told them, tears spilling from those eyes, "...that no matter how hard it is for you... it's tearing me up inside, past passion and into..." he paused, finally looking up at them, "despair."

"I thought you were gay," retorted Snape. "But Tonks... I thought you didn't love her."

"It's more complicated than that," mumbled Remus, looking at his male lover. "I am gay. I hold no attraction for her," said Remus.

"But --" said Tonks.

"But I do love you Tonks," he said, turning to her. "I do," he added, "But I can never..."

"You can't love her," argued Snape.

Remus turned back to him. "Why not?" he said. "I do."

"But you're gay."

"Bi-romantic," said Remus. "I can love either. Before you, before Sirius, I liked Lily. But I was never attracted to her. It explains that perfectly, at least."

"But you never pursued her. You pursued me," said Snape.

"Of course. It's easier, isn't it?"

"If you wanna call it that," said Snape. "Then I suppose you know what you need."

"No," said Remus. "I can't. I can't just... Even though I made that decision long ago, she still... Tonks still stepped into my life. And I'm married to her. Don't I owe something to her?"

"No --" argued Snape, at the same time Tonks argued, "Yes!"

"You love _me_ \--" argued Snape.

"I love her too --"

"She's too busy thinking about herself to love you back --"

"I am not!"

"And what about you, Severus? Haven't you spent the last five years thinking about yourself, too? Even if you do it in the opposite way."

"I will love you, Remus, I can love you now. My debts have been paid, and I... I can't be afraid anymore." His breath pitched, and his speech stumbled. He started again. "I'm scared. But I know... you can appreciate... I'd still face it all... for you."

Remus' honey brown eyes met his with love and sympathy, holding it helplessly. And then he rejected his eyes for Tonks. "And you, Tonks?" he asked, vulnerability showing in his expression.

"I love you, Remus," she said, and Snape was filled with hate and envy, the flames licking higher, mixing in the air with Tonks and Remus' bonfire hearts. The magical fires mingled in his body, filling every vein with pain, stinging, scratching. He felt his blood ripple.

"...You can't believe what he's saying, I'd really go to the ends of the earth for you..." she was saying, between choked sobs. She was wretching, more than before, and Remus was now on his knees in front of them, one hand grabbing his own shoulder to brace against the pain. Tears of pain filled his eyes.

Sparks from their fires intermingled in between all three of them. They struck against each other harshly, turning red, colouring the fires.

Silence fell over them. There was nothing else to be said; they had all noticed, and somehow, without being told, they all knew what it meant.

Bleeding souls. Loss of inhibitions. No control.

Jealous hearts burned as the three of them devolved into bodies, kissing, touching, sucking. As Snape sucked on Remus' neck, Tonks was lapping at his lips, and Remus was returning every sensation in earnest. Snape hadn't had sexual experience since he was a teenager, so he was a bit rusty, but the married couple went at it as if it was natural. Snape came up between them, and Remus sighed appreciatively as he pressed his lips deep and hard into Snape's.

Now it was Tonks' turn to lap at his neck, and red fires mixed together at his side as the red string tightened in her chest. "Remus..." she hissed against him. "I need you."

And despite his lack of attraction to her, his love for her surged in his chest in willingness to offer his body to her. A sacrifice worth making, especially if he had Snape by his side, ready to offer the same thing to him. Hastily, he took his robes apart, freeing his member.

"Remus..." hissed Snape, at his right, licking the former werewolf's lower lip. "Please."

Remus turned to Snape now, even as Tonks began to disrobe, and kissed his lips. "You have me," he whispered. "You're mine." He pulled at Snape's robes, who melted under his touch, shouldering off black robes and undo buttons until finally Snape was the last one to be exposed. Tonks had already positioned herself on Remus' cock, but it was Snape his eyes roamed over.

"Take me," he whispered.

Snape sneered wrapping his arms around Remus' middle as he moved behind him. He positioned himself to enter his lover.

"Take me," Remus repeated, and Snape did, thrusting carefully in.

 

 

 

 

The red passion died down, and the three of them collapsed over each other. Snape was the first to get up, putting his black robes hastily on. "You three better get dressed. Voldemort's followers must still be here somewhere. Even if we are newcomers to this world, it wouldn't do to let them run free."

Tonks looked up at him. "I never thought I'd agree with you," she admitted. "Come on, Remus," she said, shaking his shoulder. "Let's go."

He remained limp as he shook her, his head bowed.

"Remus?" she said, concerned.

He looked up at her. "This was a mistake," he said. "I used to be a werewolf. I thought it would be different now that I'm just a man. But now I'm still falling apart, still making all new kinds of mistakes."

"It's called love," said Snape bitterly. "You never knew what you were getting into, it seems."

"No... I suppose I didn't..." said Lupin.

"Wait a minute," said Tonks, putting a hand on Remus' chest. She could feel the warmth, the overwhelming heat, still consuming his chest. "You haven't calmed down at all," she said.

"No, I can't..." said Remus. "I don't ever, this is how I am, all the time. I can't... take it. You two, both of you... it'll always be there. I love you both too much."

"Remus, there has to be a way," said Tonks, "you can choose me --"

"No, I won't choose between you -- "

"I won't recognise her as my equal concerning you. She's just a pathetic little girl --" added Severus.

"That's my wife you're talking about."

"Oh come, you don't really --"

"We're fused together even more now. There's no way of breaking the bond. And I love the both of you --"

"No, this is not the end of some cheesy love story. I will not share the man I love with anyone!"

"Severus..."

"Remus," said Tonks. "We both love you, but he kind of has a point."

"No," said Remus in desperation. "Splitting wouldn't affect just one of you. It affects me too. Half of me would be in agony too. I just can't... bare the thought. Can't you just..."

"No, we can't," said Snape, embers burning again in his chest.

"Please, Severus, don't..." said Remus, as his chest reacted to the flames in both lovers chests now. "Now's not the time for this."

Snape's face fell. "Get dressed, both of you. I'll meet you both in the Great Hall."

Remus' shoulders fell as Snape left the room.

"Come on," said Tonks. "We'd better get dressed."

 

 

 

All the fallen gathered in the Great Hall to regroup and replan. Severus and Remus soon became just a face in the crowd. Dumbledore stood before them all at the podium, just as if he were giving a Start of Term speech. Children had fallen in the battle. He spotted Colin Creevey in the crowd.

"Having a troublesome transition?" asked Lily, suddenly appearing through the crowd at Severus' right side, as Dumbledore began to address them.

He looked fleetingly at her, glimpsing her stark red hair. "I'm fine," he said.

"No, you're not, I can see that flame in your chest."

"Great, just what I always wanted. My heart on my sleeve."

"There's nothing wrong with it --"

"Like hell," he snapped. As she stared back at him, his eyes withdrew.

"I can help you, if you like. Whatever's going on between you and Remus. I've lived with this magic for sixteen years, I know how to control it. To an extent."

"It's not Remus that's the problem," Severus complained heavily. "It's Tonks."

"Oh yeah," she said. "I remember your confrontation in the Entrance Hall. What's going on with her?"

"She's married to him."

"I'm sorry. But he still loves you, I can see that much."

"Apparently he loves us both."

"That's a bit awkward."

"...The war may be coming to an end for the living," Dumbledore was saying, "but it is not quite finished yet. Many of you may be new to this world, and to those of you, I tell you that death is not the end. We have our own problems, so we must keep on fighting. This world is now filled with Voldemort's Death Eaters, and we are the ones left behind to deal with them.

"To those of you who are wondering and scared, let me ease your minds. Voldemort indeed has passed on as much as any of us here can hope, he is no danger to any of us so long as we are smart. He is far from the man he was in life, mutilated and weak from his evil deeds. We have gained as many Aurors however as he has Death Eaters, and they are dealing with him now. I will be discussing later with Scrimgeour what should be done with him.

"As for the rest of you, I need everyone who is willing and able to round up as many Death Eaters as you can. I'm sending for the Ministry now. I leave you in the capable hands of Professor Dippet."

Dumbledore stepped away from the podium, and was quickly replaced by Dippet as Dumbledore left through a back door.

"He's not even gonna help us?" whispered Lily.

"He has more important things to do," said Remus, walking up between them from behind. Severus turned to see Remus looking at Lily.

"Of course. He couldn't possibly be a common man, could he --" said Severus.

"Severus," said Remus, "you can't possibly be mad at him, can you? He paved the path to your redemption --"

"I'm sure that's what he'd want you to think."

"Isn't it true?"

"He's an arrogant wizard with a heart of ice. If you'd seen him like I did --"

"But he helped you out --"

"He didn't help me out, he helped himself!" Severus cried. "Just as he always does, always helping himself. Determined to be the good man in your eyes, to be its epitome, so that you won't see him for what he is. A cruel and selfish man who cares nothing for life and death." He looked at Lily. "A chess master, thinking nothing of his pawns."

"Look, Sev, if you really think that of Dumbledore, maybe you're missing the point. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore doesn't do good to please other people, but if he did, I'm sure that'd be his business. So unless there's more to this that we don't know, I don't really think it's your place to judge. You have spent sixteen years making up for all that you have done when you were young. I'm proud of you for that, but now that you have, you can't simply pass judgement on others like it never happened in the first place. Try a little understanding, and remember the good."

"The good," repeated Severus. "What's the _good_ in that? I'm not going to pretend that the events that happened in my life never happened, I think it's far too late for that. The fact still remains that what pain I experienced in my life were caused equally by your dunderhead of a husband and that old coot. I won't forgive him for that, no matter what he did for you after you were dead. He was supposed to protect you, and he didn't. As far as I'm concerned, I'm the one who's done all the work, he did nothing."

"He gave you the plan."

"Exactly, he gave me the plan. Always the commander, never the ranks."

Lily hesitated over him. "Look Sev, we'd better just go. Remy? You with me or Sev?"

"I'll stick close to Severus, if you don't mind. He and I need to talk. You go with Tonks."

Lily nodded. "No worries. She and I might even bond." Her hair went flying behind her as she went off to look for Tonks.

Remus turned to Severus.

"Okay, I'm not even going to start with you about Dumbledore. But Severus, I really need to know you're not mad at me for what we did... or for what's in my heart. I really don't know if I could go through all that again. We have a fresh chance now. Please don't throw it away all over again."

"I could tell you the same," retorted Snape. "At the beginning, and here you are again with another person. Once it was Sirius Black, but now you have this woman, Tonks. Are you going to put me through that again? Why is it that I can never be your first choice? Why am I never good enough for you?"

"I haven't chosen her over you, Severus --"

"I should hope so," said Snape. "I'm far more yours than she will ever be."

"I believe you," said Remus, his eyes sparkling vulnerably. Snape stared back, wondering if he could trust Remus. He felt insecure, unsure of himself, a feeling he loathed and expected in this situation.

"Want revenge on Dolohov?" Snape hissed cruelly. Snape's vitriol protected him from that feeling. Remus' politeness only took him so far.

Remus was learning, though. "In kind," he grinned, and the two men were as good as gone.

 

 

  
Day was dawning on Hogwarts now, and the light dust was disappearing into the daylight. "This is so weird," said Remus. "I'm so used to having a wand at the ready. And now I can't even see the light hanging in the air. How am I supposed to call upon it?"

"It was rather reckless of us to go chasing after Death Eaters when we have all the knowledge of this world as a first-year," commented Severus.

"In a way, I think we are first-years here, Severus," said Remus. "I mean, think about it. We just arrived here today. We literally are first years."

"Don't tell me we have to go back to school," complained Severus. "I'm not doing that."

"You can't learn everything from Lily."

"Why not?" challenged Severus.

"She probably has a life here, with James. I think she only came back to Hogwarts for Harry."

 _Damn_ , thought Severus. _He's right._

"I know we both had a bad time here --"

"You don't know the half of it," Severus snapped. "At least you had friends."

"I was a werewolf, Severus."

"You can't use that as your excuse for everything."

An awkward silence passed over them.

A rope cut through the air suddenly and began binding Remus, covering his mouth, winding around his legs and arms, knocking the wind out of him as he tripped over himself. A sick horror jolted through Severus as he watched Remus, remembering how only five years ago he'd been willing to just that, thinking of him as only a werewolf and a man who would attack his heart.

Now things were different, so different, and the sight was one he could barely stand. Suddenly, Dolohov appeared, rushing forward, and Severus immediately jumped into action.

 _Sectumsempra_! He thought, fury running through him, focused on his enemy, and the air around Dolohov crackled before he was struck, and blood appeared all over his body. Dolohov fell to the ground, massively wounded.

Severus dropped to Remus side, closing his eyes and summoning that magic back to untie his lover. The rope unwounded and disappeared, and Remus gasped in air as he pulled his arms and legs free with a large relief. He turned over on the grass to stare in amazement and shock at Severus.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, I might have robbed you of your revenge," he said.

Remus whipped his head back around and spotted Dolohov. "Severus!" he cried, his shock rocketing at the sight. "You did that?"

"He attacked you," said Severus. "He deserved it, and more."

For a moment, Remus staggered at the sight, then he smiled. "Thank you, Severus."

Severus smiled too, and the sight of it was beyond odd. But more than that, Remus knew it was the fact that he could make Severus smile, genuinely smile, when few other people ever had. That was significant.

"Now that I think about it, what was he planning to do, tying me up? He didn't attack you."

"He probably thought I was still on his side. He had no idea…" Severus' smile faded now, as he turned back to Dolohov too. "Perhaps we should tie him up and bring him back to the castle?"

"Traitor!" cried Dolohov. "I always knew you were, Snape!"

"Then why didn't you act?" Severus mocked him, as he sent ropes out of thin air to bind Dolohov, walking closer to him. Remus was still on the ground behind him, but now stood up and watched.

"Severus," said Remus. "There are probably more of them. We should try and capture them too."

"I don't have a vendetta against any of them," said Severus heavily.

"They're all gone by now, anyway," Dolohov spat smugly at them.

"Where are they?" demanded Remus, stepping up behind Severus.

Dolohov's sneer only grew wider. "Why don't you just force it out of me?"

"Maybe we will!" spat Severus.

"Unless you haven't the stomach for it!"

The air crackled and Dolohov began seizing up.

"Severus, stop!" cried Remus, pulling his hand back as if burned. Dolohov fell limp, and Severus turned to Remus with fire in his eyes and in his chest. The magical blaze was back.

"Severus…" said Remus desperately. "You don't have to do this."

"But I do," said Severus. "Ever since I crossed over, everything's been wrong. I thought at least here, I'd find some peace. But my life's just as complicated and screwed up as it's always been, it's every bit just as dangerous."

"You're not a spy anymore," said Remus. "That's something."

"That's nothing!" Severus cried. "All our lives we've been facing this war, and it seems even here we're not free of it!"

Remus could feel the burden of that statement, could see it in Severus' eyes. It was one Remus shared, yet it was clear that Severus was dealing with far less gracefully, with far less control than Remus did.

"Okay. I'm sorry," Remus said. His eyes flicked across to Dolohov, who was attempting to get onto his hands and knees by propping himself onto his knuckles. "I just wish I could say something."

"Don't say anything," said Snape. "Just let me do this. And then it'll be all over."

"Will it?" said Remus. "Will it ever be over for you? This war may be ending, but will your heart ever stop fighting it? You have to stop this before you cross some line you can't return over."

"What makes you think I haven't already? What makes you think… I'm whole enough, even for you?"

"I don't care how whole you are."

"Clearly, you're not alone in that."

"Forget about Tonks for the minute. I'm talking about us."

"But how can I? How can I ever forget about any little thing there is between us in this world, how can I forget the war, how can I forget the sacrifices? There is no end to any of it."

"Severus, he's going to get away," said Remus, avoiding the question.

Severus turned, and kicked Dolohov in the jaw. He fell back to the ground.

"This is a bigger issue. I understand that," said Remus. "But come on, Severus. This isn't an impossible fight. I can help you. I know what it's like to feel outnumbered. I know that burden and that pain, and I've learned that it's only what you make it. It could last forever, if you let it. But, and I think you know this already, you can change. If you're willing to change with me…" He smiled. "I know things will be better, eventually."

"Will they?" said Severus. "Even if I choose to trust you, even if I forget about your wife…"

"I'd be taking the same risk, Severus. We aren't unequal in that, even though I know you've always thought we were."

"It's still a risk."

Remus planted his lips on Severus. "How do you feel now?"

"It feels good to kiss you, but that still doesn't delete the problem."

"Then what exactly are you looking for? What do you want me to do?"

Severus frowned, staring back at Remus. What was there he could do? What could change his mind? It occurred to him now that even if he did forget about Tonks, it wouldn't be the end of their issues.

What was he afraid of?

Severus had the urge to kiss him back, but he stood still, staring back at Remus. "Security. I need you to give me security." He came forward and touched his hand to Remus' chest. Closing his eyes, he called on the magic around them. He felt it fill his chest, flowing through his arms and lift them up without leaving the ground. Snape had some experience with bond magic like the Unbreakable Vow, but though he had no idea what magic this was that bonded them together, he still felt like he some knowledge of what to do.

Strengthening their bond and sharing their hearts was the only way Snape could think of to guard against their burdens. If he had never been in love, he would never have appreciated love's power. It was like an Imperius curse that strengthens over time, growing invincible, but despite years of thinking so, there was no overwhelming degree of manipulation in it.

Love was freedom. It was a state of accepting more than what you want to, more than what you can control. No matter what else it brought, love was a selfless occupation that could brighten the darkness.

Severus let go of the magic, opening his eyes and looking at his lover. Remus looked back, smiling. Severus' hand remained on Remus' chest, completely forgetting about everything else, his mind buzzing with nothing but Remus.

"I will never let go of you."

Remus covered Severus' hand with both of his, pressing it harder into Severus' chest, so his heartbeat came through. "Good. Because neither am I."

"You both are sick," Dolohov spat at their feet.

Severus finally broke apart from Remus and crouched down to him. "I will make your life a living hell for that remark. And that's a promise."

The three men took that remark as their cue to go back to the castle. Severus took Dolohov's rope and began to drag him along, the Death Eater struggling the whole time. But despite the present climate, Remus actually began to feel positive about his future for the first time.

[End Chapter]


	3. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallen from the Battle of Hogwarts must battle their way out of Hogwarts to find refuge.

They took down several other Death Eaters that night, but in amongst all the stories buzzing in the Great Hall, everyone was talking about Remus' catch of Dolohov. Severus let it slide. He heard plenty of other stories that night, but he wondered just how many of them were actually true.

They didn't see Dumbledore for hours, but now he appeared, well into the morning. It was time for breakfast now, but instead of food arriving on the four long tables that customarily lined the Great Hall, they were floated in to everyone present.

The Death Eaters were gone from here by now, taken away by the Ministry. The only Aurors that remained now were the Order of the Phoenix members just born to this world, everyone who had originated here before the authorities arrived. Either way, that left Tonks behind. It felt even worse to know that, hours ago, Remus had been swept away by the crowd gawking over him, all so willing to talk to him and shake his hand.

He locked eyes with Tonks. He felt nervous that she might whisk Remus away next, out of this crowd and somewhere to be alone, but he had to remind himself that even if she did, his bond with Remus was stronger than hers, no matter what sick three-way they had lost themselves to. He had to let it go.

He took his plate out of the air, and started eating from it. When he looked up again, Remus and Tonks were both gone. He felt a jolt and nerves, but he willed it away.

 

 

 

"What is it, Tonks?" Remus said as she pulled him down along the empty stone halls.

She let suddenly go and turned harshly to face him. "Tell me the truth, Remus," she begged. "After Lily told me you and Snape had gone off on your own, I was worried. Did you two do anything, while you were away?"

"We caught Death Eaters," said Remus.

"Remus!"

"Alright, alright, I confess!" he said, throwing his hands up. "I didn't actually catch Dolohov! Severus did! I'm not the man you think I am..." He played at mock grief, but a smile cracked through.

"I'm serious here, Remus," said Tonks. "What else did he do?"

"He saved my life, actually," said Remus seriously. 

"He can't, Lily told me about it. None of us can be killed. Even though we seem to have physical bodies, there's a magic to them that's impervious to all that. We can't die."

"Oh," said Remus. "Then I guess he saved me from getting captured myself."

"Is that it?" asked Tonks.

"That's it," smiled Remus.

"Oh, well then," said Tonks, smiling. "I'm glad you're safe."

She rested her hands on Remus' shoulders, leaning in for a kiss. Guilt led him to lean away, and she leaned in more heavily, catching his kiss, and Remus felt his heart rebelling in his chest. He loved Tonks, he really did, but it felt so wrong to betray Severus like this. He pulled away.

"What's wrong, Remus?" Tonks asked with a look of concern in her eyes.

"I just... I don't think... I don't think I should do this."

"What is it, Remus? Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do --" He froze. This was how she got him last time. She'd use any excuse to shut him up and have her way.

She wrapped her arms quickly around him before he could stop her, and held him close. "Well then, what's the problem?"

He just had to tell her. It was the only way to stop this. "I love Severus. It's him I want to be with."

She threw herself off him. "You really want that ugly old man over me?"

"It's not about looks --"

"Remus, you said you loved me. You said I was young and whole --"

"And you are!"

"But I'm not enough for you?"

"It's not that! It's just that I feel closer to Severus!"

"But he's bitter and sarcastic and far less whole than you!" cried Tonks.

"You're giving me far too much credit, Tonks."

"Oh, I see. I'm too much for you. Is that it?"

"No -- it's not about too much or too little --"

"Then what?"

"I love him," said Remus. "That's all it is. I just love him."

"You love me too."

"Just... not..."

"He did do something to you, didn't he?"

"No!" cried Remus.

"You feel loyal to him all of a sudden. Something changed. What about not feeling whole between the two of us? What about both of us being a part of you. Aren't I a part of you, Remus?" she asked, moving closer again.

Remus flushed red. He could feel the heat radiating off her, could feel her gaze staring into him.

He allowed her to kiss him. Feelings of guilt flooded him, and he wondered if he should stop. But just before he did, Tonks pulled away instead. Her hand was on his chest.

"I knew it," she said. "He's worked his magic on you. He strengthened your bond. Well, two can play at that game."

And she came in again to kiss him, and though now he seemed to come to himself, she held him steady with a simple hand on the side of his neck, sending hot waves of pleasure through his veins. He could feel his body buzzing, just as it had when Snape had touched him, and feeling flooded into him from Tonks. He was awful tired of his body being used as a tool by his lovers, but not even close to enough to fight the blissful feeling as they plied into him, into his heart, filling his entire being.

He was so full when she was finished that he might burst with feeling. He might do anything she told him to.

And she had her demands.

 

 

 

"What did she do?" Severus demanded as soon as he saw Remus again.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, Severus... She hit on me! Is that what you want to hear?"

Remus twitched. Severus caught the action.

"What did she do?" he repeated.

"We bonded," admitted Remus. "And... other things..."

"Indeed?" he said, his voice thick with jealous malice.

"Severus, I'm sorry! I -- I honestly don't know --" Remus swallowed, releasing a mournful groan. "I couldn't -- she --"

Severus took him in. "Look at me," he said, and Remus did, the tears finally falling.

"I'm sorry, Severus," he said earnestly. "I honestly am."

"I can see that," said Snape. He wrapped his arms around Remus' hips, and Remus fell against him, leaning his head into Severus' shoulder. "She's vile," said Snape, "taking advantage -- I should've known she'd try the same thing on you."

"Mm," Remus agreed non-commitantly.

"I think we should take a walk into your old office," said Severus, and Remus allowed himself to be led, gently holding himself at Severus' side and barely conscious of the halls they walked until they were walking into his old Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Severus closed the heavy door behind them, and led a weary Remus up to the office.

It was empty. Remus closed the door behind him and sat down across the desk from Severus.

The earnest look Severus was giving him from behind the desk made Remus imagine some consoling version of Severus asking him if he was alright. That image was so strange to him, he didn't know whether Severus actually would.

"I'm sorry for what Tonks did to you. I'm afraid we've just messed you up even worse than you were when we began. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not heartless. I do care. We've come right back to the place where we started five years ago when you kissed me. Now there is so much more than a kiss I want to return to you. I just need to know what you would be willing to give back to me. I need something; I'm just as broken as you. What do I have?"

"You have me."

"All of you?"

Remus stood up. "I can prove it to you if you really need me to." Remus reached across the table to grab Severus' robes, pulling him in for a kiss, just like the one he'd delivered to Severus that same night almost six years ago tonight.

Severus smirked across at Remus as he pulled apart. "An act to win my affections?"

"Not an act," said Remus. "Even now, you don't think better of me?"

"Trust isn't my strong point."

"Clearly. Well, we'll have to work on that."

Severus gave in to Remus then, and all his years of resentment, of telling himself there was no way he would ever enjoy that defeat, dissolved as he melted into Remus, the seeming white marble of the stone around them engulfing them like heaven as their bodies pressed together. The delicious feeling of bodies as they crashed together filled him, clothes falling away, skin against skin, alight and building with tension bigger than he ever imagined, delicious tension that wiped away his thinking mind. He arched his neck against it, pressing further in, moving, thrusting with Remus.

Remus leaned back into the desk, wrapping his legs around Severus, leading him in now, bonding their bodies together finally, cementing their relationship with those bodies, belonging to each other no matter what came along.

"Oh... Oh, Severus..." moaned Remus.

 

 

 

He sighed as Severus pulled out of him, naked and spent. 

As the two of them got dressed, Remus got stuck thinking what would happen now between the three of them. It was really about they all moved on from this petty feud at least long enough to let all this settle in their heads a little better. He didn't know how much they might regret later, but Remus was certain all this would look a lot different this was all put into yesterday.

They didn't return to the Great Hall. Remus didn't know how long it had been since any of them had gotten any sleep, but he was feeling awfully exhausted right now.

He almost headed to the staff's sleeping quarters until he remembered he didn't actually work here anymore. But he didn't want to return out there and sleep in public, either; too exposed.

Especially if he had to face Tonks again. He couldn't bare any more conflicts this morning.

"Do you know anywhere we can sleep?" asked Remus, as he finished buttoning up the last of his tattered robes. "I don't want to head back to the Hall."

"The Headmaster's quarters, if I am still Headmaster of this school. Even if this castle is back in the hands of Dumbledore, or somebody else, they surely won't be needing it any time soon."

Remus almost questioned Severus, but then he realised he was far too buggered to care if anyone did walk in on them. He just wanted to sleep. "Alright. Lead the way, Severus."

 

 

 

Tonks sat with James and Lily as they waited for Dumbledore's return.

Remus wasn't there. Where was he? The last she saw him, he'd been torn away by duty. She started to doubt that excuse now. If it were truly duty he was thinking of, he'd still be here.

Dumbledore entered the room, taking his place behind his desk. "I'll be brief. While I remain Headmaster of this school, it is still my duty to ensure everybody's safety, and to clear up this mess. I hope I'm not overstepping by inviting the newdead, but we'll need as much help as we can get." 

"Anytime, sir," Tonks assured him.

"Right now, I need you all to evacuate the castle," Dumbledore continued. "After you have done that, there is far more work to be done here. The Ministry is sending in troops of Aurors into the Forest to flush out the remaining Death Eaters and Dark Creatures. Those Aurors among our ranks may choose to join them, but I think the safety of the school is a far bigger priority right now, and I would like to ask the likes of you to guard and direct the evacuation."

"I would be honoured," Gideon offered.

Tonks agreed, with a glance across at Mad-Eye, mostly just thrilled to have him back.

He grunted in return. "Couldn't agree more. In fact, I think you might find more help behind that door," he told them, gesturing to a door nearest to Tonks.

"Would you mind, Tonks?" requested Dumbledore.

She stood up, walking over to it, and swung open the door.

Remus Lupin appeared with Severus, both men looking disheveled and exhausted. Insecure voices babbled in Tonks' head, wondering what the two of them had done while she had been reporting for duty. The two of them lay wrapped up in each other's arms, in the bedroom directly magically linked to Dumbledore's office.

"Oi!" she shouted, storming over and kicking the bed. Remus was jarred from his sleep, peering sleepy-eyed from where his head and his arm was rested against Severus' chest. The room was shrouded in darkness, but the light from beyond the door was cast on Tonks as her hair flamed red, her fists placed aggressively on her hips.

"What? Tonks?" said Remus blearily. "Look --"

"We're in the middle of a meeting! One that you're supposed to be in! What are you doing in here, you promised me --" She froze, stopping herself.

Her chest was engulfed in flame. How often would he have to see that sight? Were his relationships really so tumultuous? Had he really lived his entire life like this?

"I'm sorry, Tonks, I really didn't intend to hurt you," said Remus, his own chest burning. Unlike her red flame, his had turned blue. Was that the colour of feeling burned out? That's certainly how it felt. "But to be fair, I never made any promises. I'm still as lost as either of you."

"YOU --"

"That's enough, Tonks," said Dumbledore, coming up behind her to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Remus, please get dressed and join us out here. We need you and Severus just as much as anyone else right now."

Turning Tonks' back to the couple, Dumbledore led an enraged Tonks outside the room and closed the door, even as she struggled against his arm, as she still tried to turn and have it out with Remus.

Remus let out a sigh of relief, but he knew it was short-lived even as the breath escaped him. "Merlin, I really didn't want to face her. She really is the worst, even when…" He sighed again, too lazy to finish a sentence no one would hear. He shook Severus awake. "Wake up, Severus," he hissed.

Severus stirred.

"Tonks and the Order are in the other room," Remus told him softly. "We have to get dressed, come on, hurry up!" he hissed as he threw the blanket roughly on the ground, bounding up and heading for the dresser where he'd tossed his trousers.

Severus blinked through his haze. "Shit," he swore.

"You're telling me," agreed Remus. "Tonks is in the other room. She saw us, Severus!"

Severus slowly stood up, scowling. "So what?" he groused. "We weren't doing anything."

"You certainly turned liberal quickly," said Remus.

"I don't care about Tonks. She barely counts anymore, and I am through caring about what she thinks about us. I changed a lot in my last year of life. You really don't understand, Remus."

Remus turned alertly to Severus, freezing with only one leg stuck into his trousers. "So did I," Remus admitted.

He stared at Severus for several moments before his eyes flashed, before he remembered he was still in the middle of getting dressed. Severus threw on his frock coat and waited patiently for Remus to finish. As soon as Remus was fully dressed, he went straight for the door.

"Wait!" said Remus. Severus paused over the knob. "I don't want…" said Remus, "just give me a moment, before I have to face her." His fire flared, lighting up his face in an eery blue glow.

"Are you that scared of her?"

"I'm just…" said Remus. "I don't know, I'm so tired, Severus," he said sadly.

"You have a new body."

"My soul hasn't changed. I can't stand all this, this conflict," said Remus miserably. "You don't think I don't understand this whole complicated mess? I never wanted this, and it's me more than anyone else that suffers for it. Don't you get it, Severus? Is this my punishment, for all those years you suffered for my mistake? Can't I just have a break from all this madness?"

Severus paused. "You have to go out there sometime, Remus," he said. "I'm sorry if we're a burden to you, but even if she does give you hell the moment you go out there, it is your duty to be there. I'll be there, at least. She has all the subtlety and maturity of a child, but she has her own duties, too. She'll have to get in line at some point; she has a responsibility to do so, and even she won't neglect that."

"When did you become this understanding?"

"I told you, last year," Snape informed firmly. "When I came to realise your true role in my life."

Remus smiled. "Thank you, Severus." He sucked in a deep breath, steeling himself. "Okay. Now."

Severus opened the door, and they stepped out into the light. Remus' fire was now somewhat diminished. To his complete surprise, he was even smiling.

"What are you smiling about? Oh Merlin, what did you do in there?" complained Tonks.

"Tonks," warned Dumbledore. "We have a job, remember. An important one. You may tend your personal life after it is done," he said.

She looked back at him. "I should go with someone else, then. Like Mad-Eye."

"I'll place you with Gideon."

"Good. Fine. That'll be fine," she said.

Hastily, Tonks left with Gideon as soon as Dumbledore excused them. Remus breathed a sigh of relief, until he and Severus were separated into different pairs for their work. He frowned as he left with Mad-Eye, somewhat unsettled by his magical eye and not at all inspired or comforted by his presence.

He wished he had Snape, or even Tonks, by his side. Even though she was mad at him, she still made him feel good to be around, if he had to strength to endure her company. But Mad-Eye wasn't hostile, so he was content with that. Or so he told himself.

 

 

 

Remus was a mess. Sex three times in less than six hours, that had to be a record. He was betraying both Severus and Tonks with his actions, and Tonks was certainly giving plenty back in all her hostility. But she wanted to be with him, had committed herself to it for two years, and Severus… he felt just awful for thinking it, but Severus was new to his love, no matter how much he'd changed. How loyal could he be to him, really?

But Severus was always the jealous type, and no amount of kindness was going to hide that fact.

"Wotcher," said his partner, and for a shocking moment, he thought it was Tonks, back to being happy with him. But her voice sounded deeper, like gravel rubbing together, and his eyes shot up to meet the gravelly, bescarred face of Mad-Eye Moody.

Moody and Remus were one pair to take a group from the Great Hall to one of the Portkeys Dumbledore had set up around the castle. A few other pairs also wandered the castle looking for stragglers. Frankly, Remus was glad not to be among them. His mission was straightforward: take the kids through, and follow them to the meeting point.

Nowhere around the castle or in Hogsmeade was safe. Even with rounded up Death Eaters, there was no saying where more of them may still be hiding. That was the purpose of the evacuation. To keep safe the remaining dead.

"Five more minutes," grunted Mad-Eye.

"All right, everyone," said Remus. "In five minutes, that Portkey is going to go! First ten people, hands on!"

The crowd surged forward, and Moody started barking orders, organising the group, picking and choosing who could stay and who could go on this first trip. Remus tried to help him, but Moody was already dominant in this task, and Remus felt out of place.

"Let me handle this," said Moody, "you just keep your eye out."

Remus hand twitched over his pocket, expecting to have a wand there, but he didn't have one there. He didn't need it now. Old habits die hard.

So instead of keeping his wand at the ready, he opened his mind to the magic that surrounded him in the air, imagining connecting to the invisible orbs that hung in the air, headed straight into his head. His head hummed with the magic, his senses opened to magical presences as his eyes shone gold. He could sense something, out there, somewhere. His eyes locked to the window, to the trees.

"I feel something, out there. Wotcher," said Remus.

"Where?" said Moody.

Remus was staring out the window, into the trees. "There," he nodded.

As Moody stared into the trees, his electric blue eye scanning the area, Remus shifted his gaze back to the children, idly checking over them. They stared vacantly ahead, around, at each other. Oblivious. And safe, it seemed, for now.

"Dementors," said Mad-Eye.

"Dementors, really?" said Remus, looking back at him.

"I've been here a year longer than you," said Mad-Eye. "Yes, Dementors."

"But, Dementors don't die, do they?" asked Remus.

"They exist simultaneously in this world and the living one," answered Moody. "Those creatures are the same ones that existed when we were alive, in the exact same spot, in both worlds at once."

"Woah," some of the children exclaimed, now chatting quietly to each other.

"Can I have some chocolate?" a girl asked. "I heard it fights them off."

Remus smiled at her. "It certainly strengthens your mind against them," he said. "But if it makes you feel better, I have some here." He pulled a chocolate block out of his pocket and broke of a piece for her.

As soon as he'd given it to her, some of the other children started asking for chocolate. He broke off a few more pieces and handed them around. He stopped when he had only about half left. "That's enough, no more," he said. "Gotta save some."

"Aw," came the collective cry, and he could see the disapproving look from Moody that he'd given away so much in the first place. But Remus liked to think that under the circumstances, he'd cheered them up. Any moment now, the first group would head off.

Just on time, ten children disappeared. "All right," Remus told them now. "Two minutes and the Portkey returns."

The crowd surged again, but Mad-Eye had less of a fight this time. Remus liked to think it was because the children were too busy with their chocolate.

Remus could feel the darkness around them, but there was no visual sign of the Dementors. Soon, the Portkey returned, and the next group of children surged forward.

And the groups remained safe, right up to the last two groups left. He knew the darkness surrounded them now, and he used the magic he was connected to in order to cast his patronus, eager to return to the safe arms of Severus.

It wasn't a wolf. For a moment, he stared in shock. It was a doe.

All those hours ago, talking about his love, he had used Lily as an example, how all those years ago, he'd had a crush. But he'd never actually loved her, had he? He couldn't have. And yet, his patronus…

But why would it change now, after all these years? All this emotional upheaval in his life now, and none of it had to do with Lily.

But perhaps it wasn't Lily. Perhaps this was Severus.

Had Severus' patronus ever become Lily's? He remembered how eager Lily had been to greet Severus' wakening to this world, how she insisted it had to be both of them he met when he died. If this was a reflection of Severus' patronus, then did it mean that, although Severus hadn't changed, Remus truly was in love with Snape, not Tonks?

Had Lily known all this time? Remus thought back to that first hour of his afterlife, when she had brought him to Snape. Had she known back then? Did she know what Remus' patronus now was, and did she know what it meant? Did Lily know who Remus was truly in love with?

If Snape's patronus was still a doe, that meant…

...That he was still in love with Lily. 

Among all this, Remus couldn't then be in love with Tonks, could he? But if he wasn't in love with Tonks after all, then where had their bond come from? Why did it feel like he was in love with her, why did he cherish her, why was he torn up over her, if none of it was real?

"Wotcher," said Moody again, and Remus refocused, watching the doe gallop around the room, running circles around the children.

Right… right, Remus thought. The Portkey returned, and the next ten children stepped up. Darkness was all around them now, despite the early morning. Dementors were closing in. Only Remus' doe kept them back. These children could definitely use some chocolate on the other side.

The Portkey returned. The children rushed forward, frantic hands pushing over each other to get to the stone.

Remus and Moody moved around, finding just enough space on the Portkey to lay their hands before they disappeared.

They reappeared in a white and bright Platform 9 and 3/4, surrounded by children on every side. But not just their children, but other groups too, and their leaders; James and Lily, Frank and Alice Longbottom, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, Tonks, Severus and Amelia Bones.

"Give me a moment," said Remus, barely considering the children behind him as he stalked through the crowd, ignoring Tonks calls as he passed and she followed him, ignoring Moody's admonishments.

Finally, he stopped before Severus. "What form does your patronus take?"

Severus looked at Remus, then looked behind him, to Tonks, Moody, and all those children. "Now is not the time," he said. "You have a job to do, Remus. So do it."

"Severus --"

"Do you mind, Remus?" snapped Tonks. "Can you talk to us? We're right here."

"Mine's a doe," he added in an undertone, suddenly worried she'd hear him. "And I'm pretty sure I was never in love with Lily."

If it was even possible, Severus' face turned even more sour. He was more than bemused.

"I knew it!" hissed Remus, catching the look. "Despite how you've been acting, you really are jealous, aren't you?"

"That's isn't what you do," said Severus. "No one has ever won anyone by acting jealous."

Remus smiled. "Do you love me, Severus? Because if your patronus is a doe…"

"It is," he hissed, quieter than ever. "That can never change. But I do love you, Remus. You're not just some idle lover to me, you're more than that. Much more. I don't want to screw it up this time and find myself with some new debt that would take a lifetime to repair."

"I hate to break up this little clandestine meeting," Moody spoke over the top of both Severus and Remus' voices, "but we do still have our responsibilities to these children. Break it up, both of you. That includes you, Tonks," he added, and her face dropped. "Constant vigilance!"

"Right, sir," said Tonks. "Sorry."

With a reluctant gaze, Remus turned away from Severus. Moody was right, he'd just lost it as soon as he saw Severus. He couldn't hold himself back. Remus headed away with Moody, breaking off a piece of chocolate for himself before handing the whole block to the children and letting them pass it around as they walked.

[End Chapter]


	4. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions mount between Tonks and Lupin as they settle into a safe environment, and Remus feels torn.

"What did you talk to Snape about?" asked Tonks, walking alongside Remus. Apart from their duties, the casuaties from the Battle of Hogwarts had all either moved on or joined the Order. Remus had never seen the Order of the Phoenix grow so big. They would need a new HQ. Many of them were even still around.

Remus looked back at Tonks. "When you were leading your group here, did you encounter any Dementors?"

"Not Dementors," said Tonks. "We were ambushed by some escapees, though."

"Moody and I encountered them. I had to use my Patronus." He furrowed his brow, eyes cast downwards at the thought.

"Remus, are you okay?"

"My patronus has changed," he said. "I spoke to Severus because I thought that maybe... it was the same shape."

"And was it?" she asked.

"He wouldn't say," said Remus. "But I think so. I mean it must be."

"Well, why don't we find out -- now --" Tonks grabbed his hand, pulling him along

"Not like this! I need to -- We need to ask him privately!" Remus cried, pulling his hand away.

Tonks stopped to look at him. "Why? If we can get to him, it won't be a secret anymore, will it? Don't you want that?"

"I like secrets!" Remus blurted out desperately. He held his breath, hesitating. "Besides," he added, "I don't want to humiliate him. I just want to know..." _If he loves me_. But no, he couldn't tell Tonks that. "I just want to know."

"Remus," she said. "You like secrets? But -- Is that what this has all been about? You always saying you want to be private, you're ashamed? Of me?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that," said Remus. How could he explain?

He let out a breath of relief as Amelia Bones came hopping up to them. "We're taking the Order to the Leaky Cauldron. Dumbledore's orders."

"Why couldn't Snape have told us this?" Tonks accused Remus as Amelia hopped away.

Remus' eyes snapped to Tonks, shocked and confused. "Why -- did you want to talk to him?"

Tonks looked at him, suspicion turning defensive. "What do you think? He needs to realise we're married, and --"

"It can wait," said Remus, and offered her a false smile. "Just stay focused on the Order."

As Tonks and Remus congregated through London in groups of two to five, they waited for their cue to enter the Leaky Cauldron which was by now filling with as many witches and wizards as Remus had ever seen filling its space. He and Tonks got swamped by the crowd and eventually separated. At some point, Snape ended up on Remus' other side. Tonks would be forgiven for thinking that perhaps Snape had planned it that way, as the thought now occurred to Remus.

He smiled at Severus. "Hello, Severus."

The moment was pleasant, neither man needing to say a thing but simply enjoying the pleasure of the moment standing shoulder to shoulder as the crowd morphed around them. Remus could feel his red string glowing, seeking Severus' out and connecting.

The moment quickly passed as Tonks battled her way back through the crowds.

"Snape!" cried Tonks, aiming viciously towards him, teeth bared in a malicious grin. "We need to talk --"

"You told her?" said Snape, breaking the silence, and soon their strings detached again.

"Told her what?" Amelia nearby was heard to say.

Severus rolled his eyes. Remus grinned at the exchange.

"Remus!" said Tonks. "What are you doing?" Several people were looking now at the strange group of tumultuous strangers that was Tonks, Snape, and Remus. It seemed, as ever, she was determined to cause a scene. "Aren't you going to ask him? Why don't you show it to us now, Snape? Why don't --"

"In front of all these strangers?" he snapped, glaring around. "You're even more foolish than Remus, with all the subtlety of --"

"Why you --"

A fiery Tonks fumed, fuelled by the red fires of jealousy. And, as much as Tonks had expected, even there, there was no chance to be alone to talk. Not until Dumbledore had said and done all he intended to in here. Tonks was managing better to hold it all in, however. She had to be a professional, after all, but Remus got the impression that none of this was ever far from her mind. Now she seemed to be less mad and Snape and more worried about Remus.

He knew what she must be thinking. She was worried that he might not love her, after all. It was going to be inevitable that she would call him on it. It was not a conversation he was particularly looking forward to.

"Welcome to all the new members. You have done well today," said Dumbledore, speaking to the room as a whole, as there was enough new members now to fill the bar. "I will not keep you awake too much longer, however our work today will not be the end of our organisation's involvement in the post-war movement. There will still be work to be done to ensure that we can allow society to move on from this war and not set it up to happen again. The Ministry will want to divert the Wizarding World's attention from the current political whirlpool left behind from Voldemort's reign. It is our duty to show them the truth."

"Maybe it's time for a bit of reconciliation," came a voice.

"Recognition's more like," said Fred Weasley. "Those Ministry frauds don't know what they're doing. What they need to do is recognise us, and everything that's going on around them."

"They're not Fudge --"

"You think Scrimgeour's any better?" Fred challenged. "Bloody Ministry's too busy playing politics to do anything of any real use. Why are you in the Order?"

"I'm not," said the wizard.

"Oh," said Fred.

"Now look, we're not all strictly speaking Order members," said Dumbledore. "Most of us in this room are, however, and we still need to discuss what can be done."

"I'll tell you what can be done. We storm the Ministry and take it into our own hands --"

"Thank you, Mr Weasley, but I don't think that will be necessary," said Dumbledore. "We don't want to start a civil war in the wake of this national disaster. It would only worsen things."

"It wouldn't do to just attack like that --"

"I never said attack," argued Fred. "I just meant... nudge."

"Yeah, right," said Tonks, bumping him in the shoulder. She was now sitting one table over from Remus, next to Fred. "Nudge. As in, twist their arms. They wouldn't stand for that, you know. Besides, don't forget some of us are Aurors. We depend upon our jobs at the Ministry, especially now the war's over."

"Alright, so what's your suggestion, then?" he said.

"The war's over," repeated Tonks. "So maybe we can make deal with them. You know, you scratch my back, I scratch yours." She looked at Remus.

 _The war's not over_ , thought Remus. _Not as far as she's concerned_.

Remus didn't hear much of what happened next, any of the agreements or plans that the Order eventually came to. His body was alight with magic, warm and distracted, detecting even the smallest gestures from either Tonks or Snape, unable to look away from either of them, full in his attention as if each slight movement would crash into him at any moment. He was only too glad when the meeting was over and they organised rooms upstairs. Remus was still bloody tired and ready to sleep, no matter who he ended up rooming with.

"Now's the perfect time! Aren't you gonna ask him?" Tonks hissed in his ear.

Remus had his face propped up lazily with one hand. "Ask him?" _Ask who what?_

"Ask Snape about his patronus!"

"Oh," said Remus, standing up a little straighter, blinking. "Ask him. Right."

Remus spun his head around the room, scanning for Severus. "Ask him," he mumbled to himself. "Ask him… Where is he?"

Tonks snorted through her throat. "Oh, come on!" she cried, gripping him by the arm and dragging him from his seat and up the stairs. "This way," she said impatiently. She took him up to the rooms and knocked on a door. Severus appeared in the doorway, taking up the full frame with his arms and the billowing of his cloak which he hadn't yet changed out of.

"Severus? You already have a room?" Remus let slide out before he could help it.

But Severus wasn't looking at Remus; he was glaring at Tonks. "I suppose it's impossible to escape from you."

"I'm an Auror. You should know who you're dealing with."

"Perhaps," relented Severus, "but I don't think it's really any of your business --"

"I am married to Remus; of course it's my business! I'm committed to him. Anything to do with him is my business!"

When she put it like that, it really did convince Remus. But at the same time, he felt more than a little guilty at the fact that he might not love her back. Or what she might do if she found out. Hell, what would _he_ do? The idea was too frightening to contemplate.

"Is it your room?" he asked, suddenly intimidated by the prospect, glancing too long at the space just beyond the black-cloaked arm, and changed the subject in a vain effort to pass over the problem.

"No, of course not. But it's quiet." Finally, Severus was looking him in the eyes.

The exchange didn't go over well with Tonks however, and she looked between them with indignant horror. "Now you want to share his bedroom? Again? I'm standing right here!"

"No -- I --" Remus began. "That's not what I meant! It's not like that! I just -- let's just go downstairs."

"Not until we find the truth. Snape?" she demanded.

Severus glowered at him, his eyes and mouth impressively dreary. "What do you want to know?"

"Your patronus. What is it?" asked Remus reservedly.

Severus waved his arm. In the midst of the near-empty hallway, his silver doe burst forth out of the air. She galloped around gleefully, before quickly resting at Remus' side, nuzzling at his side affectionately. Remus felt both flattered and embarrassed, and once he caught a glimpse from Tonks' face, guilty too.

"A doe?" she said. "And you mocked me for my change?"

Remus sighed, realising he would have to show her his new form too, just to clear the air.

"Expecto Patronum," he said after a moment, mustering his memory forth, and despite himself, he smiled as his doe burst into the air. It met immediately with Snape's doe, and they muzzled and ran without hesitation. The intimacy of the union embarrassed Remus further, and he felt his face burning as he thought of him and Snape together like that.

"Rather innocent for two such dark souls."

Remus turned in shock to see Dumbledore step into the hallway. Remus' blush darkened, for Dumbledore to see his secret. "Yes, rather…" he agreed, using the sound of his voice to attempt to drown his feelings. But his heart began to beat harder, and he knew that despite his new youth, or perhaps because of it, he was just working himself up.

"I no longer have the wolf in me. I'm not such a dark soul," said Remus.

"Ah, but that does not mean that you are not still dark, with all you have seen," said Dumbledore. "There is a myth that if you stand in King's Cross station in this world, and board a train, it will take you on. If the muggles are right about heaven and hell, what would you do, Remus? Would you go on from this world, would you truly want to be judged?"

Remus' eyes shifted around him, catching Severus' eyes. He knew one thing: Severus couldn't. If heaven and hell really existed, could Severus truly go, even after all he had done for Lily to make things right? Were there other crimes he'd committed that he hadn't been redeemed for?

What about Remus? What were his crimes? Murder? He certainly knew that in the midst of war, he'd broken his careful restraint of himself, he'd been murderous, mad, had lost his mind for a while the same as he had only recently since he'd died. He had wanted to kill Peter once, and now he had wanted to kill Bellatrix, he had listened only to the darkest parts of his heart.

No matter what Tonks had suffered over him, she did not share either Severus' or his darkness, no matter what she'd seen in the war. She was mad and she was headstrong, but she was never malicious to the degree that either Severus or he had been. The only malice Tonks held was the kind that came from a place of love, hurt and loss, not out of hatred or revenge.

No matter what guilt Remus held over it, he really was made for a man like that, a man like Snape, not a creature like Nymphadora Tonks.

"No, I wouldn't," he answered.

"So what? What does this conversation even matter? Remus --" said Tonks, turning him forcibly from Dumbledore to her, "--do you really love Snape?"

Despite the evidence before her, Tonks' desperate heart still held on to some semblance of denial. If he told her no now, she'd believe him. But he had spent far too long in that state, and his heart couldn't hold on to it anymore. "Yes, Nymphadora," he admitting, forgetting for a moment how much she hated that name. "I truly do."

She burst into angry tears. "And you don't love me?"

That was a harder question to answer. Certainly, there was a certain level of affection there, but love? He remembered how much he'd suffered in his last year, anguishing over the idea of being with her, but he also remembered the period after that, when he'd been truly happy, even before Teddy was born. Oh Teddy, would he ever see his son again? See him grow up?

"I --" Remus was scrambling. "I -- don't know…"

"What do you mean you don't know? You either do or you don't!"

"I -- no," he said, and even as he said it, it felt like a lie. But it was too late now; Tonks was crying. No, more than that, bawling.

"Severus, I think Tonks should need to be alone right now. Since you have already picked your room out, I'll have to order you to let Tonks share it with you," said Dumbledore. It wasn't a particularly pleasant prospect for any of them, but it was the only way to give her enough privacy under the circumstances. Cringing in disgust, Severus stepped aside in the doorway, allowing Tonks to rush in.

"Remus, please accompany me downstairs. I won't be able to allow you the same room as Severus, under the circumstances. Tonks will need a little time."

Remus watched Severus close the door reluctantly, staring straight into his eyes before closing it fully, before disappearing behind the door. Remus followed Dumbledore downstairs, with one last lingering look on Severus' door.

 

 

 

Neither Severus nor Tonks got much sleep that night. Severus was merely dreading the inevitable fallout that would happen the moment Tonks was finished crying her eyes out, but for Tonks, it was more than just some irritation. This wasn't even just a tumultuous time, but a trauma that rocked her to her very core. She had lost the one man  she truly loved… And he was in love with another man.

Not just any man. Severus Snape.

It was one big devastating truth, a man she had died for, a man who was now unwilling to live with her, no matter what great life they had had together in the short time they'd had before.

It was a truth that soon opened the floodgates of her grief, and soon she was thinking about all the friends and family she'd left behind. Her parents, Teddy…

And it was all Severus' fault!

"You did this! It's your fault!" she cried, after a restless night of tears so hard her cheeks burned red. Before she had fully recovered, those tears had turned harsh and dry, and soon she stood over him on the bed, jabbing her finger accusingly at him. "He wouldn't have left me if it weren't for you! HOME WRECKER!" Her throat already felt achingly raw and scratched. She took in a few sobbing breaths.

She didn't care if anyone heard her. She didn't care if anyone found the truth. She certainly didn't give a damn what people would think of her calling a man, no less Severus, a home wrecker.

Her next words were softer, but no less angry. "You are the bottom of the pile, Snape! You are the worst kind of man. Never mind men like Lucius Malfoy, you --" She paused, sucking in another breath. Then she took another one, because she didn't really know what she was saying, couldn't really justify herself.

Severus had ruined her life. And she hated him for it.

Severus sat up in his long, disgusting, ridiculous nightshirt, watching her with an enduring expression in his eyes. Did he even care? Did he even care what he had done to her? She was certain he didn't. He was just posturing, waiting.

"You don't even care, do you? You bastard, I hate you! I've always hated you, Snape!"

A knowing look in his eyes, a slight nod. Of course he knew.

"You bastard! You bastard! You bastard!" She screamed, that one simple look causing her to finally lose control. And that bastard, what did he do but look bored! What did he do but roll his eyes!

"Bastard, how dare you roll your eyes at me! You just don't know what it's like, do you?! To be alone, to be --"

"You know I do," he said humourlessly, his dark voice more quietly subdued than she had ever heard it. Not wounding, sarcastic or bitter, but finally defeated. "You've seen my patronus."

_Oh right. Yes. Lily._

For the first time, Tonks cracked a smile. But not just a smile, a malicious, malevolent smile. "Oh yes, Lily," she said. "Tell me, how did it feel, Snape?" she bit. "When she chose James instead of you?"

Severus didn't answer. She guessed he was lost for words. She had got him, she had finally nailed him. All she needed to do was watch him squirm.

Only he didn't. He only stared back at her, more malevolently than even she had managed, a genuine flare in his eyes. Even without the true fire of their curse, his fire was the realest kind of hatred, that could not be faked or acted. Not even by a man as talented as him.

The space between them sparked with electricity, and neither of them moved an inch. Severus stared unblinkingly at her, and she tried to return his powerful glare with one of her own. With all the fury running through her, it sparked like a firecracker. Severus' fists clenched, his chest contracted, and his expression squeezed so tight against her that the open flame of his mind against hers appeared as a bonfire, giant enough to smother her out. She matched him muscle for muscle, exploding in her eyes and taking a hold of him that could not so easily be smothered, and they lost themselves to each other's fury, each one trying to outstare the other.

Their chests burned green in their chests. But it was more than jealousy, too. There had to be, she had never just hated Severus as a rival. But she had never hated him this much either, like she could be consumed in her betrayal.

Severus glared too long, and it was Tonks who first began to crack, flinching as though he didn't own her body. Severus watched her, that hateful expression judging her as it always did. He was growing uncomfortable too, but he hadn't lost his nerve.

"Some privacy," she blurted, and retreated into the bathroom.

"Are you done yet?" he yelled through the door several minutes later. She remained silent, leaning against the door or bent over the sink. She changed clothes, slowly and quietly, feeling her heart beat and her lips feel light. Finally, she burst out of the bedroom, to find it empty.

When she got down to the bar, she found Snape sitting among the Order, having dressed and now ate breakfast. She glared at him, but she didn't have the guts to call him out in front of all these people. Damn, he probably knew that. Turning away, she sat down as far from him as she could.

"I heard a disturbance upstairs, this morning," said Fred. "Who was it, eh Tonks? Who were you giving it to? I think I heard the words, 'home wrecker'." He was smirking.

Tonks suppressed a grin at his confidence in her. "No one."

"Oh, come on, you can tell ol' Freddy! We're mates, you and I!"

She couldn't suppress her grin anymore, and beamed at him. "Yeah, mates. Of course we're mates!"

"So tell me!"

"Not sure I should. Kinda personal."

Fred threw an arm around her, leaning in. "That's what makes it so juicy!"

Her lips trembled with laughter, betraying her. _This was serious, dammit_ , and she wanted to seem at least a little solemn when she told him her problems. "Well, Remus and I… well, we've sort of hit a rock in our marriage," she began, "That is, I don't think he really loves me anymore… or if he ever did."

"Moronic! Of course he loves you, Tonks! What's this bitch's name? Let me take care of her for you."

"That's the thing," said Tonks, her eyes somehow dull with both sadness and joy. "It's not -- the person's not… a bitch."

"Oh, don't talk to me like that. Of course she's a bitch! I heard you yelling!"

"I can't -- okay," she hissed, bending to his ear. "You can't tell anyone. Okay, not anyone, Fred!"

"Cross my heart, hope to die. Well, scratch that last."

She dropped her voice even more, cupping her hand over her mouth and his ear. "Snape," she whispered.

They broke apart. "Even better," he grinned. "I'm gonna give him hell."

She smiled at him, all sadness gone now. "Thanks, Fred. I'm glad I have you here."

"I'm sure Georgie misses me," he said. "But I'm glad you're here too, Tonks."

 

 

"How was your night closed up with Tonks?" Remus asked Severus at the breakfast table, as he tucked ravenously into his food.

"Awful," he said. "She did nothing by cry and yell. I barely slept."

"You know, Severus," he said between mouthfuls, "she _is_ a woman." Remus paused, watching Severus. "Are you sure... nothing might happen, between you? I don't really know how this curse works --"

"The fact that she is female has no baring on my feelings towards her," said Severus. "It's Tonks. I feel absolutely no attraction to her whatsoever."

"Does that make me special?" said Remus.

"Apparently," said Snape. "Just ask our silver same-sex equivalents. Ironically, two females."

Remus burst out laughing, and Severus played along. It was rather amusing, he had to admit. It was almost temptation enough to say he could forget about the fact that his doe still represented Lily, and not Remus. But that simple fact haunted his mind for as long as he was unable to distract himself from it, and eventually he was sure that it would catch up with him.

"What a sight," said the ironic female, sitting down beside Severus. "The sight of you laughing. I haven't seen that since I was a child. You really have a way with him, Remus," complimented Lily, looking across Severus to his partner.

"Thank you, Lily," he smiled. "But I'm not sure I deserve the compliment. You got to him first."

_Oh Merlin. It's already starting._

"Don't worry, Remy. I don't want him," said Lily. "No offence, Sev. I'm happy for you two. He deserves a little happiness, after all he went through for me. I've been watching over Harry all his life. And while I was watching him, I saw you two. Quite a life you two have shared up to this point. I'm glad you've found each other."

Remus leaned over Severus to Lily. Snape leaned way back from him in irritation, closing his eyes and pausing his eating.

"How do you do it? Can I watch over my son?"

She smiled. "Of course. I can show you if you like. It's all about connecting to the magic around you. You have to break through this world and into the last one. You've already been there, so it's easier. But it still takes practise. Any adult with competence in magic can do it, though."

"Any adult," said Snape. "What happens to those who die as children?"

"They grow up like normal, go to Hogwarts -- unless they're muggles, I suppose -- and then stop growing at adulthood. Then they simply stop aging."

"So this magic, could you show me now?" asked Remus.

"Of course. I mean, it is easier when you can see it, the magic…" she said. "Okay," she instructed, "put your hands on the desk, and reach out to the magic in the air. Focus on it, feel it..."

Remus did so, closing his eyes. Severus scooted his chair back, peeved off. He left them to that, and moved on seat over to sit at Dumbledore's left hand. He scowled when he saw who was at Dumbledore's right: Sirius Black. After everything they'd been through, that man deserved a kick in the nuts.

"Not joining Remus, Severus?" asked Dumbledore. "I should think after the night you had last night --"

"No thanks to you," snapped Severus.

Black was sneering at him. Severus ignored him by tucking into the plate in front of him. He assumed Black was probably stealing food from someone, but he was too pissed off to care.

"I think you and I both know it was necessary," said Dumbledore. "And your roommate needed to get that out of their system."

"Once again, you use me as a crutch. Why am I always the last on your list?" said Severus.

"Aren't you the last on everybody's?" sneered Black. "Why should anyone care about you?"

"Remus does," retorted Severus, and that certainly shut Black up, at any rate.

Still aggressively attacking his breakfast, Severus had now stolen Black's sneer, and he wore it spitefully as Dumbledore continued on.

"I trust I won't have to repeat your role in our negotiations with the Ministry today?"

"The linchpin?" said Severus.

"More like the bait," retorted Black bitterly. Severus' sneer grew at Black's jealousy.

"You're our insider, Severus," said Dumbledore. "The man who ensured the death of Voldemort along with the breakdown of his army by providing Harry Potter with just the intel he needed to do it."

"Is his army quiet, then?" asked Severus, turning alertly to face Dumbledore. "Or is this simply another temporary peacetime in a decades long war?"

"You should learn your history, Severus," said Dumbledore. "Wizardkind are not the only ones to face wars like his. Mugglekind had a villian too, called Hitler. He died and came to our world, but he was neutralised the same way we are going to do to Voldemort's army."

"What is my mission?"

"Yes, I rather thought you and Remus were too distracted to hear the Order's plan," said Dumbledore. "I suppose I should explain Remus' role in this, too."

Severus paused now, turning suspiciously to the old man he had trusted and hated, sometimes at the same time. "What is it?" he asked slowly.

"Remus is no longer a werewolf. Which would be a great asset in peacetime, but I'm afraid his place in the Order has now dropped significantly --"

It wasn't just Severus that reacted to that revelation. Black's face registered outrage. "You can't take Remus out of the Order --!"

"He is not out of the Order, he's simply no longer a major player," said Dumbledore. "But this is good. He has a chance at a normal life. We all do, if everything goes according to plan."

Severus looked over at Remus: eyes closed, glowing smile. He was watching his son, Teddy Lupin. It couldn't be certain how Remus would react to this news. Whether that expression would remain on his face, or whether it would get to him.

He turned back to Dumbledore. "Will I be separated from him?"

"You and Tonks are both still very important to the Order. You will be both be needed close by, but Remus..."

"What about me, Dumbledore?" said Black.

"You may accompany Remus, if you wish. Your name hasn't been cleared yet."

"You're going to let him --" began Severus

"It is your duty, Severus," said Dumbledore. "I know you won't let me down. This isn't forever. I take it you have come to trust Remus?"

Severus frowned deeply, unsure of the right answer. The thought of Black next to him while Severus was away filled him with dread. But it wouldn't do to tell Dumbledore that. Or Black himself, for that matter.

"Yes," he answered.

"Then we have no problem," smiled Dumbledore, and that familiar bitterness set in. Dumbledore had a talent for condescendion.

 

 

 

Remus vibrated with the warmth of the magic, humming sweetly inside his body. It filled him up, pleasure flowing into his heart, not feeling a single imperfection on or under his skin. The sensation was so distracting, he flinched, and for a moment the warmth fled distressingly from him.

"No, no, keep it strong," said Lily. "Describe him to me, what are you seeing?"

"A beach," said Remus. "Andromeda's taken him to the beach. She's sitting on the sand, holding baby Teddy in her arms. She's on a towel, and Teddy's wrapped in a blanket. And Harry, he's also there, I can see him --" A smile broke out, and the memory of naming him godfather came to mind.

"Keep on that image! Don't allow your mind to wander!"

The vision began to grey, fading out.

"Remember, reach out with your heart," said Lily. "Don't let yourself get distracted."

The image panned from Harry at the beachside, back to Teddy. He was sleeping soundly in Andromeda's arms, messy hair standing out blue. Andromeda looked very motherly.

"How can they be at the beach?" asked Remus. "The Battle of Hogwarts was only yesterday."

"How young is Teddy? Is he the same age as when you left? You have to really open your heart, Remus. Sometimes, the magic can hold a false image if your heart isn't truly open. Think about it. The day after the Battle of Hogwarts, the day Teddy loses his parents. Where is Harry? Where's his grandmother? Who is Teddy with now?"

Remus felt a pull in his chest as the image of the beach faded out. Only now did he realise that it had only been a fantasy of where Teddy might be in a few months. But this wasn't after a few months, it was right now, and Remus' heart ached as the bright beach was replaced by a weary bedroom. Teddy was still in his crib as Andromeda entered the darkened room. It was morning, but the shades were drawn.

She knew. Both her daughter and her son-in-law were dead. Teddy was all alone, without any parents. Alone, except for her and her husband. Alone, but for Harry. He could feel her heartache, too. She gripped the doorframe, leaning against it, until her husband came in beside her, and she turned into him, weeping into his chest.

Remus broke away, finding that he was crying. Remus had goosebumps for the first fraction of a second that he finally broke the connection from his son. It was part of a restrained aftershock, causing his body to shake. He felt bony beneath his skin, the warmth of the magic flowing out of him. "Oh Merlin," he said.

"Are you okay?" asked Lily with concern. "What happened?"

"Teddy's grandparents. They were there, they just got the news. It was terrible."

"It was a bit too early," Lily agreed. "I'm sorry, Remus," she said.

"No, it's fine…" said Remus. "I can just… Can I talk to him?"

"No, you can't," said Lily. "This world is separate from his. You would need to punch a hole in the fabric of existence. He's in a whole separate plane. You'd have to be a ghost. Or…"

"What?"

"There was the Resurrection Stone," said Lily. "Harry opened the Veil with it, the fabric of existence, he allowed us in to get to him."

"The Stone was left in the Forest…" said Remus. "If Teddy went back for it… Is there any way I can --"

"No," said Lily. "You can't go back there, Remus. You don't belong in that world. You live here, now. None of us have ever gone back there, and we shouldn't. You stay there too long, Remus, and you'll tear yourself apart."

But the Stone… There was a magic that could tear the Veil… if he could back there, just talk to Teddy one last time… He wouldn't have long. It wasn't like he was going to live there. Lily had been there herself with Harry, didn't he deserve a turn with his son? "There has to be some way…" said Remus.

"You can watch him grow up," said Lily. "You can see him live. That has to be enough."

"But, what I told Harry," said Remus. "I didn't really believe it. I mean, how could I? When I was with Tonks, I made myself believe I was happy, that everything was alright. But I knew it wasn't. How could I ever think that Teddy would learn of what I did and be proud? How could he be anything but angry for…"

He paused, looked back at Lily. He didn't want to imply that what she and James had done to Harry had been intentional. "I should have known Tonks couldn't stay away from the battle. It should have been me to stay back. At least then, Teddy would have a father right now. He'd never grow up feeling abandoned or…"

"You haven't abandoned Teddy," said Lily, with a glowing, sympathetic smile, "any more than I meant to abandon Harry."

That smile was almost infectious, and Remus felt the corners tilt up. But soon the frown was back, the pain of what he'd done too strong for Lily's influence.

"I know," he said. He wanted to say more, but there were no other words.

"You have to do what you think is right," said Lily. "And I know you did."

Remus smiled sadly. "I know," he repeated.

But what was right, right now? No matter what the Order needed him for next… He would have to be quick. Maybe he should tell Dumbledore what he intended to do. No, he'd never let Remus go.

Severus, then. He would tell Severus.

 

 

"A foot soldier," repeated Remus. Breakfast was just winding up next door, and Severus had dragged him into the back room, to the wall separating them from Diagon Alley.

Either of them could go through to the other side and escape, Remus thought. They could be together and be safe and not have to suffer Tonks or the new world. They could just be strangers in a crowd.

But neither of them had the mind to do that. Even if they could, even if the stakes were removed, there were certain incentives to not running away. Discoveries that needed to be made, before they could move on. They were tied to this place, and they knew it.

"That's right," answered Severus. "You've been used up. They no longer truly need you."

"Do you truly need me, Severus?"

"Yes," he said, his eyes holding an expression less of romance and more of irritation. "You know that."

But Remus smiled, knowing Severus couldn't fool him. "And yet they pull me in."

"I'm still important. I'm an insider, I'm still a spy --"

"I was a spy!" said Remus.

"Among werewolves that don't exist on this plane."

"And you were a spy among people who died."

"Bellatrix is here. She'd certainly be more than happy to call me out. I am not currently needed so much as a spy, than a witness."

"I could be a witness."

"You could be in too much danger as a witness. What you did to become accepted by the werewolves could be used against you in the Ministry."

"So this can never end."

"In a world where Death Eaters don't die, the war is never truly over. Not to those like Bellatrix. We both know there are no such things as happy endings."

"You're wrong," said Remus. "Since the day of Lily's wedding, I knew, I... hoped... that someday, I could be as happy as that. Preferably with someone that I could share it with. I haven't had that yet... but doesn't everyone deserve that? Don't I deserve that?"

"Not everyone. Not everyone gets what they deserve," said Severus.

"Don't you think you deserve it then, Severus?"

"There are many far worse people than me," said Severus.

"I didn't ask about them, I'm asking about you! I..." Remus paused. "I'm sorry. I'm...I will spend my life with you, Severus. And no matter what you think, you do deserve that."

"Somehow, I don't think so."

"You do. And so do I. If I'm not back in time to join the Order, tell Dumbledore where I've gone." Remus smiled, and kissed him goodbye. "See you soon." Remus closed his eyes, and a golden glow filled his body. In the next instant, he was gone.

Severus hoped he didn't get blamed for this.

[End Chapter]


	5. Recognition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks' grief leads to an inappropriate prank, and Remus finds a temporary link back to the world of the living through which to see his son one last time, as he becomes filled with guilt about his abandoned son,

Tonks was Fred's new accomplice. She would never replace George, just like George would never replace Fred. But no matter how long he'd spend his new life mourning the separation from his closest brother, his look-alike, he needed something, at least. And what better distraction from his aching heart and mind, for both his and Tonks', then by getting up to his old ways. He knew from experience how much a little light-heartedness could do for the dumps.

No time like the present. And no mercy, either; however steely or distracted Snape looked, he deserved it as much as Fred and Tonks deserved a break.

The prank wasn't going to be simple or small, either, he wasn't going to slip him a Puking Pastille or hit him with a Punching Telescope. This was going to be an epic score.

"So what's the plan?" whispered Tonks.

Fred grinned. "You ever heard of age lines? Me and George messed with them in our sixth year. It didn't go too well. But here's what I was thinking. If we create one for Snape to cross, we could have deniability and be able to enjoy our handiwork at the same time."

"So what happens when he crosses the line?" asked Tonks.

"Well, that's the fun part," said Fred. "What do you think we should do to him? What's the funniest thing you can think of?"

Tonks thought gleefully to herself. "Maybe we could make him look like a pig?"

"A big black hog! With warts everywhere!"

"Yeah!" she cried.

"Make him round and fat, the git," said Fred. "He'll be busting out!"

"Shield your eyes," laughed Tonks.

"Just leave it to me. You draw the line, I'll cast the magic."

Tonks almost thought she should be grown out of this sort of thing by now. Everything starting from today became less about the physical fight that Tonks lived on, and more about stuffy politics. It wasn't something she looked forward to. But whenever she considered acting a little more grown up, she remembered what Remus had done to her, how he'd accepted and then just abandoned her, and she was filled with misery and a justified rage.

She drew the line right where she knew only Snape was going to cross it. Fred cast the spell.

Tonks had always wanted to see the other side of the veil, ever since she had witnessed Sirius die there. And now they were very close to where it was in the Department of Mysteries. This was going to make quite the Mystery. Why Snape had turned into a pig as he came to the Ministry to meet with officials.

The official came towards Snape with a hand outstretched to shake Snape's in greeting. And as Snape stepped forwards, his arm turned into a pig's hide, black and fuzzy, his hands warped, his nose into a snout and his body stout.

It wasn't a full transformation; it was partway between species, like Hermione and Millicent Bullstrode's cat.

Dumbledore was furious.

 

 

Fred and Tonks were in some serious trouble. Even as Snape recovered in St. Mungo's from their so-called "prank", something that had not only undermined the Order but the Ministry as well, the knowledge that both pranksters were barred from their previous duties gave Snape no comfort at all.

If Remus came back from his escapade in the living world minutes or hours from now, whether or not Snape got blamed for his disappearance being the last one to see Remus before he left, didn't matter. Tonks was up to her old tricks regardless, and the fact that neither of them had duties with the Order made them both sitting targets.

Snape had his doubts about their connection, even now. Who believed in happy endings, no matter how things were between them?

The red string still bound them together. He could see it even now, humming out of his own chest. He stared at it intently, seeing the flame, seeing the glowing string disappear into the air as it faded away from his chest, the end that still clung invisibly to Remus.

Remus didn't simply have one string in his heart, though. He had two. Twin strings, his own curse mocking him.

His attack would make him even more of a target by the Ministry, it would make him even more important. Snape thought Tonks mightn't have planned that, but it did play even more into her hands. She was getting him out of the way... to do what?

He was hard-wired to be suspicious; his whole life had been that way, especially after he'd become a spy.

Snape was due to be released in an hour. Dumbledore would doubtless visit him long before that; there were questions that needed to be answered, words he needed to be exchanged with the authorities, his original duty now pending even more urgently.

Urgency was a good thing. Urgency meant speed.

 

 

Remus arrived at the edge of the Forest. Back at Hogwarts.

The question now was where Teddy was now. It wasn't a question that needed asking; he'd seen him. He was at home, in London.

He understood Lily's warning now.

Well, he had come here for a reason, and he wasn't leaving without saying his piece. He began walking.

The train just sat in Hogsmeade station, dark inside, still as a statue. Remus should've have known it wouldn't be running. In the afterworld, Hogwarts had been evacuated. Was it here, too?

Remus sighed, wishing he could do more than walk. He couldn't Apparate, he wasn't solid enough to make portkeys or ride broomsticks. And the train wasn't running.

He stepped through the locked door into the train, and wandered idly down the abandoned hallways. The black wood, the stiff carpet. He walked all the way to the front of the train, into the driver's room. A cockpit, Remus guessed, thinking of muggle planes.

His hand went straight through the controls. Perhaps there was still a bit of magic in him. Just his presence, after all, had repelled Dementors when he had come here to see Harry.

This realm had less magic to grasp though, no orbs in the air, and he had to grapple for something else to hold onto.

His body sparkled with magic; that was the answer, his body was sparked with the magic of his own realm. Now he really began to understand Lily's warning. If he stayed here too long, his magic would fizzle into this lesser world and his body would... disintegrate?

He had to think of something.

He didn't have a choice; and he reached down into the golden magic that filled his insides, every pore, and the machinery began to rattle around him, began whirring and coming to life. Remus focused on what he wanted that energy to do, and soon he heard the chug of the train, and he opened his eyes.

Golden light sparkled around him, the controls moving of their own accord. Slowly, she train was starting to move down the track. Remus sat down, and watched as the train moved forward from the best seat in the house.

Remus thought of many things as the train hurtled across the countryside. Most of them settled on Teddy, or Harry, or the Stone abandoned at the edge of the Forest. Before Harry had touched it, and turned it, Remus wondered if any dead person could have used it to come back. He knew barely anyone would've wanted to, even those who missed their loved ones on the other side, but if they had…

The one thing he couldn't do here was touch. And yet it was touch that first brought him here, Harry's touch. The touch of his hands, spinning the Stone. So how Remus really broken through, without that vital sense? How had he broken the barrier between worlds?

The fact that the snitch had hidden it might have been hiding something else. It could have barred all touch from the Stone, but once outside the snitch… it became susceptible to Remus' magic alone, as he had tuned into it, seeking this world out.

He tried to remember. Had the Stone been on the ground when he'd arrived? Yes, it must've, or he'd have arrived somewhere else. But he'd arrived in the Forest, alone.

Alone…

As he arrived close to King's Cross station, Remus soon realised that the train wasn't slowing down. Crap, he thought, standing bolt upright from his seat, looking around desperately at the whirring of the controls all around him. How to stop the train... Right, maybe he could just withdraw his magic back inside him, reserve his energy to get to Teddy. And then...

The tracks soon slowed down as he felt the golden glow of the magic return to him, and he felt its charge once again. Remus pulled up smoothly into Platform 9 and 3/4.

Bursting out of the gate, he ran until he was right on the street, and stopped.

So close. But where now?

He closed his eyes, recalling the directions to Tonks' house. If only he could summon the Knight Bus... But technically speaking, no one had summoned him here, so he was invisible to everyone. What could he do?

Wait. Taxis.

There were taxis all over London, surely there must be one headed in the general direction that he was. He ran down the street, searching for one. He stopping, spotting a pretty middle-aged woman boarding one, and snuck in beside her.

Remus breathed a sigh of relief as the taxi pulled out. It felt cozy in here, small. He looked over at her. She was fashionably dressed. He felt downright inadequate next to her. He pulled his robes tighter around her, somehow feeling exposed. She looked obliviously out her window, daydreaming.

He smiled. She reminded of him of himself as a boy, mooning out the window. And suddenly she turned at looked at him, as if she could see him, as if magic thrummed through her as well as him. Was she a witch?

"I'm just the invisible girl," she whispered, barely audible. "But you, Remus Lupin..."

He blinked. Could this really be real?

"You are beautiful."

She smiled sadly, continuing to stare out her window now.

Remus stared. It was like he was hypnotised, he couldn't look away. Had she really seen him? Who was she?

He forgot all about Teddy. Now this woman filled his consciousness, her image, the mystery around her. A beautiful mystery, filled with awe and wonder in an ordinary world.

His eyes flashed past her for a moment as they passed Grimmauld Place.

"Where are you going?" he wondered out loud.

"Same place as you. To see your son."

"How? Who are you?" he asked.

"Someone who knows you."

"What does that mean?"

She smiled again, eyes still averted. "I'm the one that brought you here."

"What do you mean? Nobody summoned me, I arrived alone."

"It isn't magic, just... sentience. I saw you press against the veil, trying to break through. It's all around us, Remus, and I allowed you through. You deserved to see your son one last time, after all you've been through. I just want you to be happy."

"How? How have you seen that?"

"When you pass through the veil, you reveal your whole life, like life flashing before your eyes. The stone was the only way into this world, but it isn't touch alone which can activate it. A trained mind, a complete mastery over life and death can also activate it, like Apparating."

"Who are you?" Remus asked in awe. "Are you a witch? Were you in the Department of Mysteries? How can you tap into the veil, how do you know about the Resurrection Stone? How is any of it possible, when not even the Ministry could do it?"

She finally turned to face him. "Because I've been there and back. Because I follow the legend of the Deathly Hallows, and that isn't something the Ministry can claim. I've lost people too, Remus Lupin, and I..." Her eyes teared up. "I understand you. I feel like a mother to you."

"But you're not my mother. I knew my mother. I've never seen you --"

"I know. But I've seen you, all of you. And Lily's right, you are beautiful."

"Lily --?"

"We're here."

Remus didn't even notice that the taxi had stopped. "What -- but -- We were just at Grimmauld Place!"

"Time flies."

And it was true. For both of them, he thought. He stood up, and suddenly he was outside. Before he even had a chance to say goodbye, the taxi was already driving away. He never even learned her name. He'd probably never see her again, and yet she knew everything about him!

He turned. This was the house. It was probably seven in the morning, his blonde taxi angel was probably an ordinary woman heading for work. Maybe she really was a mother in this life, or maybe she was a career woman. He would never know, nor would he ever know who she was or where she came from.

A stray thought occurred to him, now that he had come all the way here. Maybe there was no way he could talk to Teddy in this form. Maybe the most he could do was watch over him in person rather than over a distance. What if Teddy couldn't hear a thing he said?

He took a deep breath. This was it. It had to be.

He walked in.

The darkness no longer filled the house like it had when he'd first seen Teddy. That baby, that little baby. What was he thinking, coming here? His son wasn't even old enough to remember. Still, this was his last chance... wasn't it?

One step. Another. Remus walked down one familiar hall. The way down to Teddy's room.

He was gone. Of course, Andromeda had probably taken him out. Remus rushed through the house now, searching the house for them. Where were they, where were they? "Teddy!" he cried in vain.

"Remus?"

He gasped, turning.

Not Teddy, not his Teddy. Remus caught Teddy Senior; Teddy's granddad.

And he was looking right at Remus.

Was he invisible? "Can you see me?" asked Remus.

"Yes," he said.

"How?"

"I was just about to ask you that."

Remus breathed. "I came back," he said. "Not forever, my body can't be sustained here. I just wanted to... say goodbye. Can you tell him that when he's older? Apologise to him. Tell him, 'I never meant this to happen.' Tell him I love him. Tell him I was stupid, and I'm sorry."

"I understand," said Teddy. "Remus, I understand. And I don't fault you in it. You tried to protect my daughter, my grandson. I don't fault you in that. How is she?"

Remus hesitated. "She's fine, just fine. She's just as beautiful and alive and vibrant in the new world. And we can see you from where we are, we can watch over you and our son. Don't worry about us; our lives, our afterlives, are just as real there as this world is to you. We're happy, there."

And there he went again. Talking about happiness that escaped him even now. Oh, he felt the absolute truth in the livelihood of his world, the vibrant youth of it. There was happiness there.

But there was complication in his heart, and there always would be. He didn't have the heart to tell Teddy that his daughter would never have the happily ever after with him. It just couldn't work out that way.

Teddy smiled. "I'm glad," he said.

The magic flowed within him. He felt it running through his blood, and he closed his eyes, focusing on it, focusing on his heart, focusing on home. A flash of gold, and he was gone. For the second time.

 

 

 

Severus felt a tug in his chest. The red string was back, not burning in a bonfire, but reconnecting to his heart in a flow of pleasure. Remus was back. He materialised right before him, in the centre of the meeting, facing Snape. He opened his eyes. They sparkled with love and magic.

"Oh, Severus," he said, oblivious to anyone but him, bounding forward and pulling Severus into his arms.

"Remus," warned Snape, but Remus didn't get the message. He simply continued to expose Severus… He hated this feeling, hated wearing his heart on his sleeve.

"Remus," Dumbledore repeated, and now Remus jerked away in shock, turning to the old man. "We were just talking to Severus about you. He told me you left, but he didn't tell me where you went. Now I can see why. You must never go back there again, Remus. We don't belong there. You don't belong there, Remus, and it is here that we need to fix. I know you want to amend for your mistakes, but it isn't worth going back to that world --"

"Not worth it?" repeated Remus, anger rising. As he broke off, Snape hated the desire that swelled in his chest from the detachment, the chill that rose over him. "Is there nothing you've ever done, Albus, no regrets you would do anything to take back? How can you tell me it's not worth it?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly back at Remus. "Yes, Remus, I have," said Dumbledore. "But I have enough wisdom to understand that I can't go back, I can't lose control of myself so much as to create that world selfishly. Neither can you. Live with it, yes, but let it go."

"I can," said Remus, "now."

"How did you do it? How did you access that other world. Better men than you have tried --"

"Did you try? Is that why you're telling me this? Do you want to get there?" accused Remus.

"Dumbledore has always been a hypocrite," commented Severus, gaining enough self-control of his body to speak now after the abrupt connection. Why didn't Remus feel it?

"Others have tried," repeated Dumbledore, "but its a two-way path. Both sides have to open the door, or else it's impossible to do. How did you do it?"

"I was alone on the other side, no one helped me," Remus lied.

"How is that possible?" said Dumbledore. "Whatever you did… that power must be shut down. It's not natural. You can't just flit between worlds whenever you like, or your body would never belong to either world and shut down. No one else can ever do this again."

Remus stared back at Dumbledore in shock. "What?" he said.

"It's dangerous," Dumbledore said.

Severus glared between them. No matter what he thought about Dumbledore, he agreed with him right now. He could never let Remus leave him again, not like that, not if it becomes forever. "How did you do it, Remus?"

Remus finally turned back to him, and there was pain and suffering there, the drowned pain of a sick dog. 

"I don't know," he said, sounding vulnerable, seeming to cry without the tears falling. "I... was alone when I got there. And then... I met a woman. She seemed to know all about me. It... it was her, I swear." Remus looked helplessly at Severus, as though betrayed.

"Where? When?"

"She was in London. Far from where I started, at Hogwarts."

"So she wasn't there? She didn't touch the Stone?"

"No," said Remus. "I'm afraid that's all I know. I reached out to the Stone, and I broke through."

"You shouldn't have," said Dumbledore. "It should be impossible. Remus," he said, "Remus, I need you to go back. We need to figure out what's going on, and to break the connection between worlds."

"No," said Severus immediately. "He's already been there once. I can't risk you trapping him there --"

 "Trust me, Severus," said Dumbledore. "We would not break the connection while Remus was on the other side --"

"He's already used up his magic there. More might be sapped of him if he returns. Send me instead," argued Severus fiercely. "If you're so eager to use people has puppets, then use me!"

"Severus, no --" said Remus.

His eyes flashed to Remus. "I have to. I won't risk your life. You were never mere convenience to me, no matter what. You're more than that, at least."

Remus looked back in awe, eyes transforming into a sweet acceptance and love. The smile reached his eyes before his mouth.

"Do not think I see him as mere convenience, either, Severus --" said Dumbledore.

"But you do not care for him, as much as I do."

Dumbledore smiled in jest. "Indeed, no. You are in love with him."

Severus' eyes registered shock and shame in the frame of a second, then settled to an acceptance of his own. "Indeed," he said, resigned and more genuine than Remus had ever heard him.

"Very well," Dumbledore agreed out of the silence. "Severus, you shall investigate the Stone."

"Just a minute, Dumbledore!" protested Remus.

Dumbledore turned that same peaceful smile on Remus. "Have faith, Remus, we will bring your love back in one piece. I know you have always trusted me."

"I don't think it makes me biased because I love him, but considering all that pain he went through for you, it seems… suspicious. I'm not… turning against you, Dumbledore. I just have to wonder…" Remus composed himself. "I won't love compromise me. I don't know if Severus is my happy ending, but I will stand by him, no matter what."

"Then stand by him now," said Dumbledore. "Severus has made his choice. I promise you I will return him to you."

Remus tightened his throat. Despite his speech, it was hard for him to entirely distrust Dumbledore. He nodded wordlessly.

Dumbledore nodded, and that was enough to satisfy Remus for now. Snape slid his hand up and over Remus' shoulder, and Remus turned into him, his hand going around Snape's waist. He gave Snape first a quick kiss, then a slower, deeper one when he found it wasn't enough. "Come back safe," he said.

[End Chapter]


	6. Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape is forced to follow Remus' path to the other world in order to close the bridge.

Severus showed no more sentiment. And neither did Remus, but he did feel a strange tug at his chest. It wasn't just the red string embedded into his heart, either; as private a man as Remus was, he felt like being with Severus, being even with another man, and having everyone know it... made him self-conscious. He felt like there was some line, some standard he had to live up to. Like he had to prove it.

But this was Severus. Neither man was particularly open about their private lives.

In all haste, Remus had joined Severus as Dumbledore, a strange mix of Order and Ministry members, and a smatter of officials scattered about. They had all come to the Ministry of Magic, as officially, this was a governmental action.

The only reason Remus was here was to see off Severus. They were in a small room, with a Pensieve in the centre of it. Remus caught a blue glow against Severus' face as he moved around it to face him. There was no emotion in his eyes, but Remus felt his gaze sink right into his eyes. One official joined at his side, gripping the end of the Pensieve and concentrating on it, closing his eyes as the not-liquid-not-gas began glowing green. Remus just stared; this was the type of magic that might look cultish from the outside, but this was a normal Ministry procedure. It was how they kept track of their agents. The Order had sometimes used it on their most important missions.

Remus was impressed; he'd never been important enough for this measure.

The man opened his eyes. Then he pulled a flask out of his robes and dipped it with an astoundingly gentle hand into the bowl. He pulled it out and offered it to Snape. The material flowed out from the top and into Severus' brain like another kind of string, not a memory but an eye inside Severus' head.

Remus didn't have a good view of the Pensieve from where he was standing, but he was pretty sure it held a Severus'-eye-view on its surface. And now, he was ready.

All eyes turned on him as the official stepped back. "Now, Severus," Dumbledore told him, "you know what you have to do. When you reach the other world, search thoroughly. Seek out Remus' friend in London if you have to."

"I took the Hogwarts Express to London when I was there," said Remus. "How is Severus going to get there?"

Severus looked at him again. "That is assuming I can even break through," he began. "But the Hogwarts Express usually goes straight back to London after taking students to Hogwarts at the start of every Term. What was it doing in Hogsmeade?"

"That will be something you need to find out, Severus," said Dumbledore.

"That still leaves the question of how he's gonna get to London, though. And what about his magic? You can't just let him wither away in that world while he feeds you all the information directly from his brain."

"We won't, Remus," assured Dumbledore. "We know exactly how long Severus will have to investigate this little anomaly."

"And how long is that?" asked Remus. "And what will happen if he doesn't find everything out by the time you want him to?"

"He has three days," said Dumbledore, "before his magic will start to deteriorate. After that, he'll be trapped there. We won't let that happen, though, Remus."

"What happens after then?" challenged Remus.

"It'll only take a week until he dies."

Remus froze solid. "Dies?"

"It's not our kind of dead, it's more permanent than that," said Dumbledore. "The body completely breaks down. As the magic flows out, and enters the other world, our bodies go with it. But don't worry, Remus," he added. "He'll have plenty of time and opportunity to get back to us --"

Remus got a taste of Severus' usual rage at that; Dumbledore's usually reassuring voice sounded insulting and too calm to Remus' ears, and he flared up. "But if he's stuck there -- you are risking Severus' life, his _actual life_ \-- just so you can soothe your curiosity and close some hole? Well, I can't allow it. Send me instead."

"No, Remus," shot Severus. "You've already spent too much of your magic in that world --"

"I was there for a few hours --"

"Exactly! Remus, every bit of magic you lose there is gone forever. If I go, at least I can save you. This curse we have, maybe this might alleviate something... I'm not exactly your only one, am I, Remus?"

"No, Severus I -- that's not fair --"

"If I don't see you, goodbye Remus," said Severus. And before Remus even had a chance to reply, Snape was engulfed in a body of gold light, and then he was gone.

 

 

 

Severus arrived on the exact spot where Remus first landed on the Forest floor, a string in his heart and a thread in his head. The former was fiery red and alive with pain, and the latter green and cool like water.

He listened to his head; he hoped that it would dampen his heart. Not enough to extinguish it, but just enough to keep it under control.

He began looking around him, finding the Stone quickly, but pausing only long enough to give the Ministry a glimpse. Then he moved on, looking for any other clue that may be lying around.

There was nothing. "I'm moving on," he told the communication in his head.

He headed for the edge of the Forest and up to the castle, all while they chatted in his head. At first the communication remained strong; they talked about the possibility that an Animagus had been present when Remus went there, or even an animal, and Pettigrew's name was thrown around. But Severus knew Pettigrew had entered their world as recently the Malfoy's old house elf, and he told them so.

But as soon as he heard Remus' voice, not in his head directly from the string in his heart, he knew he was lost. He staggered, speechless, feeling Remus' presence like he was physically there next to him, even while Severus knew he wasn't; judging by his questions, he was still there at the Ministry. But his voice was soon the only one he could hear.

And then Remus asked a question that made him regret that. "You mean that Severus might be in danger over there because of our connection?"

 _Shit_. He stopped in his tracks.

He focused in on his brain, trying to hear their answer, tried to figure out what was going on, how Dumbledore had betrayed him this time, but all he heard was muffled conversation.

"No," Remus argued out of context. "Severus, keep moving. Bring him back!"

Could Remus hear him? "Remus, what's going on?" he tried.

The muffled voices crescendoed to a buzz, but he still couldn't hear them. "I can't hear any of them, I can only hear you. Can you hear me, Remus? What's happening?"

The voices talked a little more before Remus finally responded. "Merlin, Severus. We didn't know until you reached there. There's an interference."

"You said I was in danger."

"Yes…" Remus hesitated. "According to Dumbledore… normal magic is inhibited in you there. The red string overwhelms your body and… you only have half the time there than Dumbledore thought."

 _Shit_.  _Fucking genius_. "I was supposed to be pulled back when I began losing contact. Is that still a viable indicator?"

Remus asked. Severus waited.

"Yes," said Remus with some relief. "They believe that when connection with me begins to break, they will bring you back."

"And if it doesn't?"

"You have one and a half days. If it cuts too close, I'll bring you back myself."

"Thank you, Remus."

They were odd words to come out of his own mouth. They must've been even odder to hear from him, like hearing his patronus speak. But he didn't care, he wasn't going to indulge in such shame of his own voice. He'd heard plenty of abuse directed at him in his life without joining it in.

He continued walking with incredible urgency, all the way up to the castle. His robes billowed as he covered the grounds towards the walls past the Whomping Willow, fleeting memories both good and bad flooding him.

Severus had never allowed his heart to lead him before, but he could tell that he would have little choice here, no matter which persuasion he was more willing to follow.

He was incapable of restraining himself. Fools would say that there was nothing wrong with that, but the likes of them never understood the line he had been treading his entire life. Perhaps none, not even Remus, understood what truly made up his soul.

Still, he realised, it was his heart that led him here, and his heart that would lead him out.

His footsteps echoed through the empty stone as he ran. "I'm in the castle now," he reported. "No sightings yet."

"Don't get too close. It's dark outside," warned Remus.

Severus looked around. "It's dark inside," he retorted.

"What I mean is," said Remus, "I can feel you clouding out the world around you. You need to focus, Severus."

Severus scowled in frustration. "What do you think I'm trying to do? But I can't bloody get rid of you."

"I love you too," Remus retorted. "Look, I have a connection to you. Maybe I can help."

"A connection to my heart," Severus complained.

"I'm watching you now through the Pensieve too, don't forget. I can see what you can see. More," he said. "The Order needs both of us, it seems."

A connection to both domains; his heart and his head. Of course. "What do you see?" Severus asked. "Can you still see what I see?"

"They're everywhere," remarked Remus.

"Who's everywhere?" Severus bit, frustrated that Remus wasn't helping.

"Who do you think, Severus? People. They haven't evacuated, they're right there. Can you really not see them?"

"All I see are empty halls."

"This is worse than I thought," said Remus. "You're actually… blind to this whole world. I guess you weren't exactly the best choice to send there. But if you hadn't rushed off --"

"If you want to blame someone, blame Dumbledore. He's the one who threatened to send you back here, and he's the one who allowed all this to happen. Knowing him, he probably meant to do all of it. If it weren't for him, my life wouldn't be in danger like this. We wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for him, always so ready to sacrifice other people --"

"You know there's more to him than that, don't tell me that he's some selfish bastard. He has proven he is capable of sacrificing himself --"

"At my hand! He risked my soul while he was at it, Remus, and let's face it, for what? Draco's?"

"What he did for Draco was very noble --"

"Noble! Yes, that's all you Gryffindors care about, isn't it? Like Dumbledore, hoarding it over us --"

"Do you really think that about me?" said Remus. "Think about it. This isn't just Dumbledore you're criticising, it's me too. Do you really believe that, or are you just ranting?"

Severus hesitated. "I have a job to do. So let me get this straight: my brain is giving you access to everything that's going on around me, but I'm unable to see it, is that right? Because of my weak heart --"

"You aren't weak, Severus," said Remus softly, all fight drained out of his voice. Remus' reassurance was levels better than Dumbledore's; his sort was more genuine, more honest. There wasn't a hint of a black heart behind it, just goodness.

"What do you need me to do?" Severus asked. He couldn't let himself linger too long on that question, the vulnerability in it.

A pause. "Dumbledore wonders if there's anything possible way you know to link in with your head again?"

"I've tried, there isn't," said Severus. "You have to tell me what's going on."

Remus hesitated.

"What is it? What did he say?"

"We're trying to zone in on those around you, see who they are. From what I can see..."

"What?"

"I can't tell. They look like ghosts to me, and I don't know whether I'm already fading out from you or if they really are ghosts. That's why we needed to know if you had any access in to your head again. If you're fading... we need to bring you back. But if those really are ghosts, it means you're really not in that other world. It means you probably look like a ghost to anyone back there. Which means, if you're a ghost..."

"You've already lost me."

"Yeah," said Remus.

Severus tried again to access the cool waters of his head. Voices faded in and out. "My head is growing stronger. I can hear more clearly, but isn't a big improvement. What does that mean?"

"It means you're safe. Those aren't ghosts around you, they just appear as ghosts around you. But you are still an apparition in that other world, which means you have more limited resources with which to explore it. There's no saying how much time you have..."

Remus' voice faded off, and Severus knew he was talking with Dumbledore.

"What is it?"

"You have to get to London."

"Do I have a deadline?"

Remus paused. "Dumbledore is giving me the same timeline as before. One and a half days. But there's no telling how stable you might be in that world for that amount of time. You'd better hurry, Severus..."

Severus headed off.

[End Chapter]


	7. Relation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon the return of Remus, Tonks has to face Remus and her fading relationship with him.

A little girl, her first sexual encounter. She was willing, at first. He was pretty, and he seemed to like her too. She would do anything to see him.

So she did: she stripped. And he took the opportunity.

He hit her. Again and again, knocking her to the ground, open palm coming down onto red skin again and mocking smile on his face. She was so helpless.

She kept her eyes averted, ashamed and hurt. She couldn't believe this was happening, that this ever could happen. Certainly not in her living room, not in the middle of the afternoon.

Tonks remembered her past with a bitter shudder, still remembering the bruises that had stayed on her arms for weeks, even a month after. Her mother had asked incessantly, but Tonks had never told her what happened. She had become determined to be stronger. Her father had helped her with that. His enthusiasm was contagious.

It wasn't until her later years at Hogwarts, when she'd already settled upon her future as an Auror, that she'd even began to think seriously about boys again. No matter what, she'd choose better this time. Even if she didn't, she knew what to do. She was strong now.

She chose a boy the exact opposite of what the first had been. Not pretty; that wasn't for her, anyway. A rugged, raggedy man. The overlooked, the under appreciated. And they were far more beautiful than the first could ever hope to be, anyway.

It turned out that it was only too easy to fall for someone that way. What had started out simple had turned into emotions of the deepest measure. And before long, she came to realise what those emotions had been: love. But it had still turned wrong.

Merlin, she still loved him, and some small part of her regretted letting that feeling grow when she didn't know if he felt them back, hadn't even bothered to check, she had just assumed. Why wouldn't someone like him love someone like her?

How on earth could Remus love someone like Severus?

She had taken a risk. She couldn't feel bad for her pain. She felt it, it was there, so real in her chest, and yet, she didn't regret it. She just never wanted not to know him. No matter what, no matter the pain or emptiness, she wanted him to be there. The possibility of life without Remus was unbearable to her.

Maybe her new perspective had failed. But this time, she couldn't move on. Moving on… when Remus was still in her chest, when he would always be there with her... She had a direct link to his heart, and that was something she was not giving up too easily. She would always love him and she would never let them be apart again. Who knew, maybe he really did love her, somehow.

Her laugh jangled to think of how un-Tonks-like she might be in bed if Remus were to invite her, how just like that little girl she would be, so gentle and eager to please, even with someone this time she knew she could trust.

She'd heard that opposites attract. It was overrated.

She felt an sweet ache in her chest. Her physical link to him. How could she leave it alone when he was calling to her? She left running.

 

 

 

"Where is he?"

No one in the Order could tell her, but she had the red string to him in her heart, like the thread in a maze leading her straight to him. She flooed into the Ministry, but no one seemed to know anything. She ran on.

She was barred from certain points on. Like she was gonna let that stop her.

"Let me through!"

If she was right, and Remus was on the other side of that door, he would come to her, she knew he would. At the very least, he had given her access to his heart, and that's something he could never take away. The very fact that this string existed in the first place proved what he refused to see; that what was between them was mutual, that there was still love for her in his heart. He had to admit that he still cared, and always would.

"Remus!" she called. "Remus, let me in! We need to talk!"

The person who came out of the room next wasn't Remus at all. It wasn't even Dumbledore, or someone else from the Order. It was some faceless Ministry official.

"We cannot allow you to disturb what we are doing in there. It is very important Ministry business, and --"

"I don't give a damn about your business! I need to see Remus, I need to talk to him --"

"Unfortunately," the official spoke firmly over her, "we cannot allow you that privilege at the moment. It is essential that he remains at the forefront of our investigation --"

"Investigation?" Tonks cried. "What investigation? Investigating Remus? He hasn't done anything wrong --"

"It is rather confidential, I'm afraid --"

"Bullshit--!"

"I can assure you that we are not investigating Lupin," he said. Tonks breathed a sigh of relief. "He is actually quite essential in investigating a piece of confidential magic. I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah… No, actually," said Tonks. Although Tonks was rather good at following her head in the best of times, she was in the firm belief that it was no way to live your life, and she was deep in the throes of her heart now. This was no time to follow her head; now was the time for intuition.

Summoning her magic, she petrified the official. The guards turned on her, but she was an Auror, and she had fought worse. She wasn't quite so familiar with fighting without wands yet, and that put her at a disadvantage. Luckily for her, though, she was trained in fighting, and she was still able to improvise even without her wand, easily shielding and dodging blows, clocking one guard with a stunning spell and the other with a crude blow to the head.

She rushed inside, and over to Remus' side. "Remus, we need to talk --"

He was at the side of a Pensieve, which glowed green in a way she'd never seen before. The image before her was one of Hogwarts, vague and out of focus. _What is this?_ she thought.

"Tonks, I'm sorry," Remus said. "I can't talk now. He's still in danger."

 _He? Danger? What is going on here?_ Whatever it was, Tonks got the impression that Remus was keeping her in the dark on purpose.

"Remus, what is it?"

"Who's interrupting?" a familiar disembodied voice inquired. She knew exactly who that was.

"Snape?" she cried. "You're ditching me to help _Snape_?"

"He's in danger! You're not!"

"Remus? Who are you talking to? Talk to me!"

"Can't he hear me?"

"No, he only has access to me," said Remus. "Everything else is a half vision to him. His heart is blinding his mind."

"Snape? How can that be?" scoffed Tonks. "He's with you, he shouldn't be in distress --"

"He's not here --"

"Remus, who _is_ that?" Severus snapped.

"Severus," said Remus, "What has happened to you over there? Tonks believes you wouldn't be this way unless you were under distress. Talk to me…"

"You're talking to Tonks!" Severus said viciously.

"What has made you this way? Be honest with me."

"Still don't trust me?" he said.

"Remus, why is he there?" asked Tonks desperately. "Why is he at Hogwarts?"

"He's not just at Hogwarts, he's in the living world. Just take another look in the Pensieve."

"Remus, I don't want her rooting through my brain!" shot Severus.

Tonks reacted as if hit by an invisible hand.

"It's coming from in here, isn't it?" she asked, moving closer to the Pensieve, gripping the edge like the official had and leaning over to peer in. "Couldn't we see anything we needed to in here? We could find all the answers without asking him a single thing. There has to be something..."

"Tonks, don't," warned Remus. "Can't. I trust him."

"Since when?"

"Since we reunited!"

"Oh, come on," she said, turning back to him. "Isn't that a little bit too convenient? You don't really believe it, do you? A happily ever after, with him, of all people. Do you really think it could be that simple?"

"What are you saying?"

"Yes, what is she saying?" barked Severus.

"I'm saying," she said, "is that if it were that simple, if you two were _really_ meant to be together, I wouldn't have found you so easily. We share a link, Remus, I followed you here by it. The truth is, you love me, in your own way, don't you, Remus?"

"I wanted to make it easier on you," he said.

"On me, or you?" she asked.

"On you!" said Remus. "It's going to be him, Tonks. It's always going to be him. I need you to understand that and let me be happy. If you love me --"

"Oh, bullshit. I will fight for you, Remus! That's what love's really about."

Remus relayed everything to Severus, at his demands. Furiously, Severus returned in a flash of golden light. As the light faded, his roaring gaze was set on Tonks, his chest burning.

"Why did you come back?" asked Remus.

"I should've from the start," answered Severus. "I was useless out there. I was only trying to protect you."

"Protect him?" said Tonks. "Why? From what?"

That question belonged to Remus to answer. "I went back there to see Teddy."

She looked past Severus, to Remus. Her eyes looked ready to pop, but they were filled with equal parts horror and sympathy. "Why?" she asked.

"I... didn't want him to feel alone. I should've been smarter. I should've known he wasn't even old enough to remember..."

"So you didn't tell him?"

"I told his grandfather."

"Oh, Remus..." she said. "I knew you still..."

"My relationship with Teddy is not my relationship with you, Tonks."

"How can you say that?" she cried, her expression angry again. "We made him together --"

"Under false pretences --"

"What pretences?"

"You and I, Tonks, we're not a happy couple. Harry and I… when I visited him at the start of last year, I went to him in an attempt to escape from you. I wanted… it was a time when I didn't yet know Teddy, and I didn't love you."

"So you do still love me."

"No, Tonks... Days ago, when I last saw Harry… I told him… that Teddy, he would be proud… But I know it's a lie, just like you and me." Remus attempted to hide his eyes, as if he'd just made a terrible mistake telling her that.

"What? What is it, Remus?" asked Tonks, less fiery and more concerned, as if there were more to the story.

"There was no reason to go back there. What have I done?"

"Do you admit it, then? Do you know how you broke the wall between our worlds?" asked Dumbledore, suddenly intruding on the conversation. "Did you have something to tell me, Remus?

"Broke the wall --?" said Tonks. "Remus, what is he…?"

"That woman… I don't know how she could've, but… what other explanation was there? She took me straight to him, and she could see me."

"So could Teddy," Dumbledore reminded him.

"And if it was her," added Severus, then how did I get through?"

"Maybe you didn't, Severus. Those people I saw, that only I could see... they didn't look familiar to me," said Remus. "They could've been anyone."

"Either way, we'll need to find a way to question her," said Dumbledore. "But Severus, it can't be you. I hope you understand, but it has to be Remus --"

"I won't risk him like that. Find someone else."

"Sorry, Severus --"

"Excuse me," said Tonks, "but would anyone mind catching me up?"

Severus smirked. Dumbledore told her everything.

Her eyes filled with horror. "Remus… Why would you…" And then that look was replaced with determination. "I'll go," she said.

"I thought you said love was about fighting for it," retorted Severus.

"That's exactly what I'm doing!" she snapped. "Remus, if I disappear out there, at least you can be happy. And if I come back, you'll have give me another chance! Deal?"

"Unfortunately, that's not really an option, Tonks," said Dumbledore. "Only Remus can go back there. He's the only one we know of who --"

"Then what's the point of this investigation, if no one else can get through?" argued Severus.

"It's like a world apart from ours, that none of us really belongs in. If there's even the smallest chance of any of us getting through, we have to close that --"

"No. Whatever happened to your idea of greater good? Since when did you care about individual lives?"

"Don't you remember Draco --"

"What about Lily?" Severus retorted. "I will not trust you, and let you destroy him too --"

"Lily is safe --"

"You don't really care about anyone I love. You exist simply to destroy me --"

"It didn't destroy you, leaving you to protect Harry. In fact, I made you a better man --"

"I made _myself_ a better man! You don't get to take the credit. You simply raised him as an animal for slaughter. You think I'll trust you now to treat Remus any better? I wouldn't trust you if you were hanging by a noose!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Severus," said Dumbledore, "but I'm afraid you don't get a say, it's not your choice. The Ministry and I, for the greater good, have to protect society and our whole world."

"Well, I'll have no part in it." And Severus gave Remus one last lingering look, before storming from the room.

 

 

 

"I hope I find what you're looking for," said Tonks.

"You too," Remus.

She smiled brightly back. "I have faith," she said. "In us, at least."

This was foolishness, Severus thought. Tonks thought he was the foolish one, when it was her too desperate to see the truth.

Sometimes, he really hated having a heart, much less being magically bound to it. Whatever this spell was, it did more than just tie the three of them to each other; it was a Fate spell, like the one Voldemort had cast on the old Defence Against the Dark Arts position. The living world had less magic in it than the afterworld. Even in that other world his emotions, in all their pathetic sway, that had blinded him, or had it been the lesser magic there, like air to a fish?

Had Remus been blinded to that world? He had met a strange woman, he had talked to his son's grandfather, who was Severus to say he was unaffected? She could've been of the in-between world that Severus had visited for all he knew. How did Remus even know she was real?

Dumbledore had failed to use somebody else besides the three of them.

"I've been believing in something so distant, Remus," she told him, "As if I was still human. You've taken on rougher shit than this. Both of us have, at Hogwarts. Track down your mystery woman, talk to her. But if I catch even the slightest hint of something between you --"

"It wasn't like that," said Remus. "She was more of a mother figure." Remus smiled through his eyes at Tonks in a way that seemed strange to Severus. Almost guilty. What was he hiding?

 

 

 

When Remus arrived in Hogsmeade station, winter holidays had ended, and the Hogwarts Express students and teachers alike boarded off it. Smiling at just how easy it all was, he fell into line and got on board like he was meant to be there.

He chose a room that she thought looked the coolest, and sat down taking it all in. He would rather talk to these people, hated being invisible. And yet somehow, eyes fell upon her.

"I thought you were dead."

He looked around. He looked around him. They were talking to him.

"Yeah, you. Lupin or something, right?"

"That's right."

"Cool, so are you like a ghost or something? Why aren't you still at Hogwarts? Don't most ghosts have to go there?"

"I'm not most ghosts. I'm different," said Remus.

"How are you different?" they asked him.

"Well, I'm not a Hogwarts ghost, for one. I just died," he said. The faces around him collected into expressions of guilt. "For another," Remus said, "I'm not what you'd call a ghost. I crossed over, but there's been a hole in the fabric of life and death, so I'm investigating it."

The sad faces rocketing up into excitement, and the eyes focused in with marvelled interest.

"Really? What is it like on the other side?" one asked.

"Oh, that is so cool!" cried another.

Remus smiled. "Well," he began, and settled into the conversation with great ease and joy. He learned their names, their likes, their dislikes, their friends, their enemies, their dramas, and she shared her own. This was not some normal train ride, after all, this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to communicate beyond the Veil, and he delighted in it, no matter what the bureaucrats on the other side thought of it. He wasn't doing anything else here anyway, and who wouldn't want to enjoy this opportunity?

The train arrived. Remus left his new friends, waving them goodbye as he left to exit the platform.

As soon as he entered the muggle platform, the buzzing voices returned to his head. He reported back on the pervasiveness of the veil around him. It wasn't like being called back through the Resurrection Stone, it was sicker than that. The people around him were not quite ghosts, and not quite necromancy; he could touch, but not feel. HIs body was transparent, and went straight through. But he could feel his surrounds as he passed through them this time.

He walked out onto the street. Now, his mystery woman. There was no guarantee he would see her again at all, but the Ministry had timed his arrival to be exact. This woman had to arrive, just had to.

Remus kept a watchful eye. Ten minutes later than he'd expected, he spotted her.

"Excuse me!" called Remus, running after her. "Wait!"

The woman turned around, and her eyes locked on Remus, looking stunned. "You're here," she said. "What are you doing here? You're not real."

Remus smiled. "There's a tear in the Veil. My visit here before... it's caught the attention of the other side. They've sent me here to close it. Can you tell me how you knew who I was?"

"I lost someone," said the woman. "And I… No, I never saw it."

"No, but you've seen my world, haven't you? It made you sentient." And then, as an afterthought, "Are you a muggle?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation or argument.

"Can you tell me what happened?" asked Remus. "How it happened? And if you know anything about the tear? Apparently, only certain people can pass through it…"

"Those who've known love," the blonde said. "And loss, of the deepest kind."

Severus. So he was here; yet he had barely been able to function when he passed through the Veil. What kind of loss could possibly do that?

"Can I ask you something? After I passed through, someone else --"

"Snape," said the blonde, "yes. He's felt it so deep, he's torn himself apart. He's torn up his heart like Voldemort tore his soul, and the most tragic part is he doesn't even know he's done it. He refuses to acknowledge his heart, so much because he's afraid, still, after all these years. It's so broken, he couldn't survive that exposure. He's known grief so deep, he would break down completely if he ever looked it in the face."

"So you know -- you've seen…?" said Remus.

"I'm sentient, as you said."

"Then could you tell me…" said Remus, "did you bring us here? Did you open the Veil?"

"No," she said. "But I might have been the one who broke it."

"Then, can you help us fix it?"

"I'm a muggle, remember? The hole can never be fixed… Or I would forget everything…"

"We have to, though," said Remus. "We cannot risk grieving souls crossing over and dying in our world. It's probably begun already."

The blonde woman scanned Remus, her eyes filled with ghosts and Dementors. "What has happened to me…" she said, "can never be undone. My whole life… so much pain…"

"I'm so sorry," said Remus with sympathetic eyes.

"You've been haunted too, Remus. You've spent your whole life running from your demons. And now, not even now… what happened between you and Snape? Your death… you were supposed to be in love, you were supposed to die nobly…" Tears spilled over the woman's face now, and Remus could see the grief in it, her own private past.

"I'm sorry," said Remus, "but things don't always end that way. Just ask Fred."

Her attempts at a joke didn't go over well. The woman covered her face.

"I thought you saw our world, the afterworld," said Remus. "Isn't that the point? Isn't that how you ripped --"

"No, it wasn't --" She choked, and went back into sobs.

"Then what?" asked Remus gently.

The woman took a deep, shuddering breath. "Okay," she whispered. "I…"

Remus waited again as the woman took another moment to compose herself. She stood up straighter and wiped away the tears.

"When my mother died," the woman began, "I was distraught. This was years ago, you understand. And, though I told you I'm a muggle, and I am, I… these people began to came to me. Blurry, at first, but then they came into focus in time. They had died too, and they reached out to me. Not my mother, never her, but… these people I had never even met, and some with the strangest of names. One of them told me he worked for the Ministry of Magic, and that they isolated a Veil in their walls, but not like an ordinary Veil. This was a torn piece from the fabric of mortality, and it existed where it didn't belong.

"They begged me, constantly begged me to pull them back from the dead. I felt their grief… and some irrational part of me begged me to listen. But even though my mother was dead, I knew she would never want that, so I knew I couldn't do it for them. But they became my friends. It was comforting having company in my grief…

"But then other faces began to come to me, living faces, whole lives. After so many years, I think… those Veil people gave me my gift for sentience. It's the only magic I possess now, and I know if they were to ever leave, I would lose that too. I don't know how I could ever live with that…"

"But how did they ever reach you in the first place? Magical souls can't be seen by muggles, they can't even touch magical beings on the other side. How did they get to you?"

"I don't know…" the woman admitted. "I don't even know where this Veil is. Somewhere in London, that's all. They told me all about the Ministry."

"Thank you," said Remus. "I have to go now --"

"Remus, wait --" she said, and Remus looked at her, slightly off-guard. The woman reached out, but her hand went straight through Remus' arm. "They're searching for another way through?"

"There will always be grieving souls looking for a way out."

"And they can never make it out," finished the blonde. "I'll lose all my powers."

"Yeah," Tonks agreed. "Look, if they ever do --"

"I understand."

"Hey, maybe -- you never know -- maybe the magic might be locked inside you. After all these years?"

"Is it locked inside you?" she asked.

Remus didn't answer. His silence spoke for itself.

"Good luck, Remus. Give Tonks my best." And she walked off, hailing the nearest taxi. In the next instant, Remus disappeared in a glow of light.

[End Chapter]


	8. Recrimination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonks and Severus have some soul searching to do, through investigating the Veil and their place in it.

Tonks knew that the Ministry was already heading through to the Department of Mysteries to investigate the grieving dead. It seemed odd to  Tonks that they hadn't done it years ago. The Veil was supposed to be indestructible. How could that have changed on the other side? Where had that golden light come from, if not the Resurrection Stone? How had Remus and Severus really gotten across the borders of the worlds?

The three of them had red strings connected into their hearts. They had to be connected to the Veil. But if the gateway lay in the Forest, where the Stone lay forgotten, how had the spirits shown up to this woman in London? And what did the Stone have to do with the magic of the Veil? They were separate... and yet they must have the same magic flowing through them. Whoever created the Stone... if they had gone through the Stone instead of the Veil, if their connection to the other world was the thread in their hearts, then why hadn't Remus and Severus managed it?

Even muggles couldn't see Thestrals; could one really have a threaded spell upon that woman? If her mother had reached out to her all those years ago from beyond the Veil, that meant that she had to be connected to a thread of the Veil too. Not a red string, but what if the Veil was just one section of an elaborate magical tapestry?

Tonks had to find the mother, and find out for sure.

It occurred to Tonks now that her, Remus and Snape can't have been the only ones with a string bond in their hearts, let alone the grieving ones. This woman was just like those grieving at the Veil. The Ministry would be there now, holding them back from that world. It was only a one-way trip through the Veil for them, but both Severus and Remus had made it back. Perhaps it had been a purity of mind; perhaps they both knew in their hearts they didn't belong there, that they were always coming back. Which is not something that could be said for all souls.

"Choosing the light from the dark is like picking the black from the white. You should never look at the world in black and white," said Tonks.

"That's why I had to do it," the mother said. "To show her that, I didn't want her to suffer over me. I knew that, if left alone, she'd only tear herself apart..."

"Sounds familiar..." said Tonks, remembering something about her and Remus. "Some people just can't handle loss."

"Have you noticed the colour of my string?" said the mother. "Gold."

"Great, Gryffindor colours. So what?" said Tonks.

"Did you wonder how you were able to move between worlds? Gold is colour of magic itself. These are the only two coloured strings that I've ever seen. Red is for heart and gold is for soul, and it's magic is powerful. Your heart and my soul..."

"So how exactly did you get the soul string?" asked Tonks. "And what does it mean, anyway?"

"At the time of my death, my soul was connected to the ones I spent my last moments with, and that was my family. You've heard of the voices beyond the Veil? We're all dependant on each other. And we're not obsessed, but we do know that our loved ones on the other side can still hear us. Those unconnected to the Veil can only contact their loved ones on the other side through magic, directly from the Veil. But we can contact that them anywhere, we can see them as if we're really there. We can comfort them, we can talk to them in dreams. Tampering with the fabric of existence has it's side-effects."

"You can't just tamper with something like that!" Tonks cried, turning her hair red.

"But why not? You have. You've pressured your beloved Remus to love you. And I know you have not intention of stopping, either. You think love is about fighting, but it's just the opposite."

"What, so I should just do nothing?" cried Tonks.

"Love is support. Take it from a mother's love, it's all about sacrifice. Something your husband's lover seems to understand a lot stronger than you do."

"But I was so miserable! How is that alright?" argued Tonks.

"Love isn't about right and wrong. It's about your connection to your loved ones, not about their manipulation," said the mother.

"Excuse me, but who exactly do you think you are? You preach about love, but you know nothing about it! I mean, yeah, sure, maybe I've made mistakes with Remus, but I'm only human, and he loves me --"

"Love isn't meant to be elevated like you're making it out to be," said the woman, sounding hateful and condescending, "It exists in the dark just as well as in the light. Better people than you have learned that, the hard way. I have," she said.

Tonks lifted her eyes to the woman and felt her anger slip. "I'm sorry," she said. "But I don't believe in the dark."

"It exists whether you believe it or not," the woman replied. "It isn't evil --"

"It's for the weak, and insecure," argued Tonks.

"Oh, yes, you're one of those. The determinedly strong ones, keeping herself busy to distract from the fact that she has weaknesses too, because she thinks it proves her equality. Well, guess what, honey. Men have weaknesses too. This is why some people get the wrong idea on us ladies and think we're after superiority. I'm a mother, and I have love, and weakness, and strength. You're just a tomboy playing at being in love --"

"HOW DARE YOU!" cried Tonks. "You don't know me!" Overcome with fury, she stormed to the door and turned halfway out of it. "You know, maybe you should look at yourself once. You act just as superior as you think I do. And believe me, the last thing I would ever try to be is superior. Not this klutz."

"No matter how she may remember me, I have never been perfect. She'll learn that when she meets me, after the decades when she's ready."

 

 

 

Severus' heart was burning. He didn't care what Tonks thought about him, didn't give a damn what anyone thought of him. Whatever Tonks needed him to be, he would prove her wrong, he would prove them all wrong. And if somehow she was right, and he wasn't enough for Remus, then what good were any of them? What good was Dumbledore, or Lily, or even Remus himself for? If there was no peace in this hereafter, nothing worth enduring for, then what was the point in any of it?

When would it be enough? Remus had to feel pain too, but pain like this? He was as much of a layered man as Severus was, and there was a brightness in him that matched Tonks as much as a darkness that matched Severus. He was the perfect middle-ground, the perfect attribute for a mediator. Not just here, either.

But this was Severus' heart. It wasn't ego or standing that had forced him to keep his secrets to his chest. He'd be lying if he said he never had to face a world closing in around him. But it was his heart that he was protecting in his secrets, and it was never so close to being discovered than it was now. His heart that was like a pale reflection of the world around him, filled of a world of tricks and spies, a world filled with greed, a world as dark as he had ever seen it. Snape was dark personified, and he would almost call Tonks his counterpart, the light, if she weren't so dimensional with the ordinary mix of light and dark. She wasn't worth that title, but if someone existed who was, they had nothing to do with personal life at all.

Severus had a quality about him that confused people, a man that didn't belong in ordinary life, maybe he didn't belong anywhere.

He could hear Remus now. "You belong here, Severus. In my arms. That's where you belong."

But all it was was romantic drivel, and it didn't solve the problem as much as it comforted Remus into thinking he was enough. And maybe he was, except that Severus was tired of living only for someone else. He didn't really want to vanish, but he didn't really want to live this life, either. It had been so long since he owned his own life, and it was about time he did that again.

If he was right about Dumbledore, then he owed it to himself to walk away from his employ. He had served his sentence, and now his debt was paid. He had no more ties to Dumbledore's Army, surely no one would notice if Snape left? Finally, he announced his retirement from the Army. The expected arguments rose up, even from Dumbledore, but in the end, the Order said goodbye to him and he left in a billow of black robes.

When Severus finally escaped to his solitude, he came to face his shadowed reflection. Perhaps Tonks had been busy, but so had Severus. Since coming back from the beforeworld, Severus had been searching his soul for the weakness in him that cut his connection from his brain, even as a skilled Occlumens. Perhaps it wasn't his mind that needed taming anymore. Perhaps it was the truth of his heart he had to face, before anything else. But even digging deep down into his heart, not even he could tell what lay there in its depths; he was blinded to its contents.

And now he stood before the Mirror of Erised, staring at a reflection of himself that horrified him. What was he doing here, trespassing on closed rooms? The face staring back at him was so ordinary, unbridled by magic. Staring back at him from that haunted surface was another place, another room, not this dingy room. It was a place that shined around him, a place where he truly belonged. It was amazing how much more detailed the visions were than he'd ever seen in life, it was a whole other world, one that seemed to be beyond even here.

It wasn't Lily. It wasn't even Remus.

He crossed his arms over, staring with hard intent at his reflection, noting the way his own frock coat floated on the air below them. Lily was there. Remus was looking at him with love in his eyes, hand on his shoulder. For the first time, he heard Lily speak to him through the mirror.

"I'm so proud of you, Severus. You've moved on. You're whole."

She didn't know that this Severus, the Severus on the other side, was anything but what she thought of him to be. He was blind. He was broken. He was still tortured by his past. But the vision before him was warm, lit candles, no strings attached at all. His biggest desire now wasn't love, but freedom. He saw himself smile. He hadn't seen himself smile since he was fifteen.

He'd been so blind that he'd had to come here, just to know the desires of his own heart. But yet…

He looked down, red string attached to him like an obscene puppet. Was he truly so out of touch with his own heart, or did he simply choose not to listen? He had accepted Remus, what else did he have left to accept?

Hearts were useless, he complained. What was he even doing here, when their only use was tearing your life apart? How could he get himself back? Time wouldn't heal his wounds, and love conquered nothing.

"I was licking my wounds before you came back to me, Severus," taunted Remus lovingly through the mirror. "We were both so lost, and you… You saved me," he smiled.

"I can't even save myself," complained Severus, and the words looked odd coming out of his smiling mirror self.

"Trust me, Severus," said Remus.

"Trust you," Severus said flatly, staring at him sadly, eyes thinking.

"You brought me here."

"No one brought you here, you're a mirror image, you're not real," said Severus.

"We're real," said Remus, but Severus didn't want to believe him. He couldn't believe it, couldn't afford to believe it. If he believed those lies and he was wrong, he would lose all his senses. He would destroy himself for it.

"No," he barked, and fled from the room.

 

 

 

 

Severus knocked into Remus in the darkest depths of the Ministry. Remus blinked away the determined black look in Severus' face. "What? What happened, Severus?" he asked, sounding scared.

"I saw you," he said. "In the Mirror of Erised."

"Well," said Remus, "at least I know you love me."

The gravity of Severus' gaze silenced Remus immediately. "It's not you," said Severus. "Lily was there too. I wanted freedom. From this," he said, lifting up his red string in his palm.

"You want… to get rid of me?"

"Never," said Severus with such conviction that no one could ever doubt it. "You are the only person who makes sense to me. You are the only one that makes my life now worth living anymore. I regret that, but it doesn't erase the fact. I can't relate to anything anymore. You are… everything, the only one, the only thing that I can ever have or need or want. Everything else… has no meaning. It's made me impotent, Remus."

"Oh, Severus… It's not…"

"Not what? True?" Severus challenged.

"There's more worth fighting --"

"I'm out of the Order now, Remus. I fulfilled my duties to Lily, and I no longer have any business being there."

"Yes, you do!" cried Remus. "What about Voldemort? What about --"

"I don't give a damn about that anymore. I'm not you, willing to die over some noble cause. It was never nobility that drew me to the Order, it was my debt, it was personal. Now I'm done. You can't really see what I'm going through. Are you really going to just let me burn?"

Remus suddenly realised Severus' fire had grown bigger. What would happen if it consumed him?

"Oh, Severus. I had no idea... how could I be so blind?"

"Stop," said Snape, but his voice was nowhere near as cold as it normally was. This time, it was heated and uncontrolled. Remus looked back at his lover with flat tears. "I don't want you to suffer alone."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"Love is sacrifice, Severus."

"Love is pain. You should know, you have a wife."

"Tonks and I shared a family together, yes, and I will always love her. But you are the one I truly love."

A shade of heaviness lifted from Severus' heart, as his fire crackled down slightly. His lips twitched slightly upwards into a lighter expression not quite a smile, but something that cracked his mouth up into a genuine expression.

Remus wrapped his arms around Severus' waist. "I know it isn't much," said Remus, "but whatever you need, I'll be here. It's not a fairytale happy ending, but it's all I have to give."

"Fairytale endings don't exist," said Severus.

"But I do," said Remus.

And he saw it, the darkness on his face, not of the wolf, but the tired, hungry, homeless man that Remus had once been. The hunger on his face filled his lines now, blowing out his eyes with the sort of deep hunger one feels, not for food, but for something much larger than that. It was a loving hunger, one that was directed straight at him.

Severus felt the same sort of hunger, only it stung and burned in his chest, the mutual fire shared between them, separate but the same body. And now their bodies crashed together, each one searching for the fulfilment the other one needed. Snape attacked Remus' body, not like a lover but an enemy, seeking out the rage and pain he felt towards his own self and his own heart for feeling too much, for being too absent to his mind, for being unable to resist the ill logic of its actions and becoming too occupied by his heart.

Yet that attack was almost loving, and soon Remus melted him under it. Both engorged in the passions of love and hate, Remus was the one turning up the heat, so desperate to make peace with their hearts that he let it melt away his anxiety, and he took away Severus' too, and both of them lost their minds to the moment.

It was not until the sweat soaked in to the aftermath of their act that they looked back and remembered it, barely realising that they had acted at all, so swept up in passion that Severus gasped from the vibrating, nervous sensation his body shook with, spent. "Damn," he muttered, "we did it again."

"Didn't you enjoy it?" grinned Remus.

"I… shouldn't," said Severus.

"There's nothing wrong with being with a man --"

"It's not that, it's not you," argued Severus. "I can't allow myself to… get carried away like that. It's too much for my heart."

"Your heart is the communication to your soul," said Remus. "You wanted to do it, I doubt you could've resisted me if you wanted to," he grinned again. "That's what our hearts are for. I've been doing some digging of my own."

"What did you find?" Severus asked, already moving to put his clothes back on. Remus sat up too, lazily covering himself only with his underwear.

"The gold strings and the red strings are both communicative. They are there to unite the hearts and souls of people, and connect the people bound by them to the people closest to their hearts or souls. They serve to unite both heart and soul to each other. It's the deepest connections," said Remus. "Both heart and soul."

"Then why is Tonks bound to you? Or have you still not figured that out?"

"Tonks… No, I haven't. It doesn't make sense to me, either, if I were honest. You and Lily held such a profound bond. And Tonks and I…"

"Not a bond," said Severus. "I was bound to her, but she left me a long time ago."

"Then Tonks and I have a mutual bond…" said Remus. 

"Heart and soul," Severus pointed out, bitterly.

Remus frowned. "Severus," he said.

"Are you really going to argue that I have no need to worry? You always did have a nerve beyond even my imagination. Even before the war, you were always a heartless trickster! You deserve her --"

"Severus, no -- how could you?" he pulled his clothes on roughly, shaking with the need to hide himself, shocked and humiliated.

"Why don't you go to her, then? If you love her --"

"I don't --"

"You're lying!"

"I -- okay," he said, pausing for breath as he pulled his jacket finally on. "Maybe I do. But it doesn't matter. She could never keep me whole and satisfied. I'm committed to you. It wouldn't do to lead her on."

"So that's where you are," called a voice from the door. The two dishevelled men turned to her, clothed but messy from their obvious deviance. Tonks folded her arms as she scanned over them, eyes settling on Remus.

"So it's true," she said.

"Yes," said Remus feebly, "it's true. I…"

"Love me?" Tonks said. "And you couldn't tell me. Or you wouldn't. But now that I know…" she said, dropping her arms and creeping slowly forward, eyes and path fixed on Remus, "Don't think I'll ever let you go," she said, eyes with emotional determination.

"That's why… This is why I never told you…" said Remus.

"Why? Because you're afraid you'll love me more? Don't let him make you feel guilty, you know who you really belong to."

"But it isn't you," said Remus.

"But… But I'll fight for you! Isn't that what love is?"

"The only thing you're willing to do is fight."

"I can't afford to get weak, Remus," she said. "I'm an Auror. I don't want to lose myself again like I did before."

"I don't want you to, either," said Remus. "It's the very last thing I want for you, trust me. But there are still things worth giving up, if you do it right."

"Do you think he is?" she accused, gestured a hand at Severus. "Who do you really love more?" she asked.

Remus sighed wearily. "How can I ever answer that?"

"You have to," she said. "At some point. You have to choose, and you have to choose me."

"No, he doesn't," shot Severus, voice heavy. "Love isn't like destiny, so don't be fool enough to think he should choose you just because you pressured him into marriage --"

"I didn't pressure him, we both wanted --"

"Severus is right," muttered Remus, and Tonks jerked his head to him.

"No, it's not true, you said you love me --"

"And I do… But Tonks… The heart is only a channel to the soul, and your rough love doesn't reach that far. My soul belongs to Severus --"

"No --!" cried Tonks, "I deserve… You can't just throw me out because you're scared! He is nothing like you, Remus! I'm your soulmate, Remus…"

"There… may be a way to prove it, once and for all…" suggested Snape instead. "I know a place we can go… where a gold string resides. I've gotten a lead on it, and according to what I've discovered, the combination of both strings in one body could lead to total sentience. It would be the final proof that either of us needs… to know which of us really deserves him."

Tonks smiled malevolently at Snape. "Lead the way."

 

 

Severus stalked up upon the dark country path lit up by magic, leading up to the small wrought-iron gate. Rather humbler than the Malfoy estate, this was the home of a very old abandoned crematorium. While in the world of the living, there might still be some use of the cottage beyond, here it was left useless.

Tonks ran out in front of them as they stopped before the gate, going to swing it open, as Remus kept behind Severus' right shoulder, watching with trepidation. Tonks headed on inside as soon as the gate was open, and Severus and Remus followed behind.

She waited for them in the open entrance to the little house. "Where is this string, Snape?"

Severus broke in front of her wordlessly, searching the living room, dining room, kitchen of the little cottage attached to the crematorium, before finally finding the string lying dully on a dark wood table in the attached workshop. He picked it up, carrying it over towards Remus.

"The spell to infuse this string into your soul is one quite similar to the Unbreakable Vow," he said. "Though not quite as dangerous, there are definite risks involved."

"What was the string just doing there laying around?" hissed Tonks suspiciously.

"The previous owner of it used to live here," said Severus, "before having it ripped out. He didn't survive."

"Oh Merlin --" she said.

"What dangers?" asked Remus.

"The risks involved," said Severus, "include the physical pressure of fusing heart and soul, which might destroy your reasoning faculties, resulting in loss of self-control of your desires. It may also make you more vulnerable to emotional burning. If you have any reservations about any of those side effects, an opinion to which I would entirely empathise, you'd better say so now."

"Quit messing around, just do it," complained Tonks.

"Says the woman who created a love story in her head that she's still is begging Remus to fulfill."

"It's not a fantasy!"

"Really? Then why aren't you more concerned about Remus in this moment, rather than about your own desires?"

"Be-because," said Tonks. "I'm not afraid of moving on. Giving yourself over to our hearts is just something that happens when you die. You find peace --"

"Bullshit," said Snape. "Peace is just another fantasy we tell the living. You should know better than that by now, Tonks, how long has it been? Doesn't exactly make you an expert."

"Doesn't make you one, either," Tonks retorted. "You always know everything, don't you, except --"

"Guys," said Remus. "Do you mind?"

They looked at him. "Are you okay with this, Remus?" Severus asked again, sounding more humanly concerned this time.

"Yeah," he said, "I suppose so. That is, unless you intend to steal it."

Severus had brought the string dangerously close to his chest. The downside to holding all his cards in his fist his whole life.

He pushed his hand out from it, holding the glowing string out in front of Remus. "As soon as this string touches you, it will bond to your soul. And then there is a ritual. You must bind the strings together and bare yourself to them. There will be no filter, so whatever lies in the darkest corners of your being will be spoken aloud.  After that, little is known... There are too few examples of anyone ever doing something like this that I've found, only accidents when wizards and muggles have been invaded by them, and ancient cults where prominent figures used to strings to rule over the masses. But no instruction manual exists for the vast majority of those in the afterworld. These strings have a strong influence over the connections people feel. The soul strings have more numerous connections than the heart strings, they create absolution."

He stepped forward, pressing his glowing hand over Remus's heart. The gold string came to life, turning into a flame that simultaneously to the red string, red flame against yellow twisting around each other, strings and fire in his chest drawn into each other, hot and passionate.

As Remus uncontrollably babbled the secrets not between people but between heart and soul, the strings wound around each other like a rope, the most personal Vow, and as they merged, the flames bled into each other too, turning pink. Remus began to cry, tears streaming down as the flames overwhelmed him, releasing him. His whole body burned, yet he was at peace, unconscious, totally within himself.

"I'm free," he choked, "unlocked... It hurts. So much," he wailed.

"Hold on," said Tonks sympathetically, "what do you feel?"

"I feel you," he ejaculated, touching her shoulder. On the other side of him, he touched Severus' shoulder, and together, the energy flowed through him to them, and no words needed to be said, because both of them instantly understood, all of them were connected, and nothing had ever been so clear and simple.

Waves of orgasmic heat flowed through their bodies, full in the simplistic knowledge that it had never been a case of one versus the other, that he loved them as deeply and as purely as it was possible for anyone to feel, that he couldn't help loving them, either one, and those feelings flowed just as surely into them.

Flames engulfed them, and Severus writhed as surely under Remus' touch as Tonks, turning to her and finally allowing the magic to complete the triangle, reaching out towards her and kissing her, as she returned it, placing a sensual hand high on his neck, resting just under his hair as she kneaded her fingers into his skin. Bare lips and tongues met in a clean and gentle exchange.

Were they about to go down in flames? Remus wondered. Was this finally it, their final act? He only had enough presence of mind to wonder for a second before the feelings consumed him completely, and he drew himself completely into his lovers. Here there was no chance of being seen, no need to rush or be ashamed, and soon they were roiling and writhing into each others' bodies, growing hard, growing wet, getting hotter and hotter with each second.

Tonks crashed backwards into a table, and not missing a beat, she jumped up on it, clothes already coming off, bare against wood, and Remus was on top of her, straddling into her, clothes far too bunched and loose against her, and they were down without a thought, her hands fumbled eager and fast.

Severus stood behind him, already pressing into his back, pulling jacket and button-up off to eagerly run hands up and down Remus' bare chest. Black clothes fell away next, and then hardened cock slid easily inside as Remus' had already entered Tonks.

They thrusted into each other, magical seeds spilling into each other as their skin burned, and throbbing turned to hotter, sensitive throb, and their voices crescendoed together, in sync, louder and more overwhelming than any orgasm they had before or ever would again.

It could have been torture if it hadn't felt so good, hitting all the right spots. They may well have ascended to heaven.

And then they crashed back to earth.

Catching their breath had never been so laboured, or even so loud. Once they had, the flames simpered on the surface, like the remnants of hot wax on their skin, cool and red. Their senses slowly returned to them, and they returned to themselves, heaped upon each other, completely naked.

 

 

 

It was awkward.

Severus and Tonks had been left in a lurch in the aftermath of Remus' ascension to his soul, afraid the string was manipulating Remus.

Remus knew the truth, knew that Tonks simply couldn't cope. And as for Severus, Remus feared more for his health than he ever had.

Since Severus' fusion sex with Remus and Tonks, no more fires had sprung up in either of their hearts. But that didn't mean their conflict still didn't exist. He could only conclude that Remus' fusion contained all the fires that raged in all three hearts, leaving him in a false depression-free state, locked in his heart and mind instead of knowing himself truly, as Remus did. What he felt was the false magic residual of what possessed Remus.

It was a welcome relief, at least. But it also begged the question: why keep the heart and soul separate, when everyone live as easily as this? And he supposed the easy answer was that in order to infuse a heart or soul into your own body, you'd have to destroy another. In that order they were lucky to find one already plucked.

But that lead to a bigger question. Who plucked it, from who, and why? And why was it simply left lying around, the most important of possible materials in existence? Severus didn't know what had gone on before between these individuals, but whatever it was, he had a hunch he knew the motivation: revenge.

"Do you feel any residual emotions from the previous owner of that soul string, Remus?" It was a simple question. And Severus asked it with the firm, cool hand of a caretaker.

"Not really," Remus said. "It's pretty much infused to my being now. I don't think there's anything left of whoever he was. Why?"

"I have my... suspicions," Severus confided. "I think the reason the soul string was just lying around is because someone had torn it from his chest. I believe it was intended with malice."

Remus looked back at him in horror. "You mean... that this man didn't die naturally?"

"There is no naturally here," explained Severus. "And besides, the string would've disappeared with him if that were the case."

"You've been busy," Remus commented.

"It's like I said," said Severus, "I have suspicions."

Severus looked odd with a hot pink string sticking out of his chest, and not even Remus' purer pink string looked as natural as Tonks did possessing it. But although he felt still broken, his soul was not so broken as his heart, and it was healing it in his chest slowly, even if it was his heart -- the connection it held directly to his soul, the way of connecting his body and soul -- that had caused his soul damage from the start.

Briefly, he remembered the argument he'd had in life with Dumbledore, over the sacrifice Dumbledore had been willing to make of Severus' soul. Bitterness rose like bile, but Severus swallowed it.

It was clear now, with this new relationship with heart and soul, that love had broken him. It breaks everyone, and as deep as this, he was made incomplete without his other. His soul was his new head, and he intended to use it to its full capacity to find out who he had to thank for his new position…

…And how to heal his soul. (He could no longer imagine a life so disconnected from the heart so as to mutilate the soul like Voldemort had, as disconnected to it as his heartlessness had made him.)

"What do you intend to do?" asked Remus.

"It's hard to say," said Severus. "Without any leads, I suppose I'd have to go back to my source and trace the story from there."

"So you quit the Order," said Remus, "and instead of simply relaxing, you decide to run up some other job. What was the point in leaving, then?"

"The point was," said Severus, "that I no longer was bound to them by duty. I paid my debts --"

"And now you're still looking," said Remus.

"Not for anything they can offer. I left the Order for my own purposes, and it is for that same reason I am searching now. I will not be tied to Dumbledore any longer than I need to be! He has manipulated to me, he's lied to me, he's been willing to sacrifice me, and he let Lily die for _his_ own purposes!" cried Severus. "I want nothing to do with him!"

Remus simply stared at Severus in shock. "You can't possibly…" he said.

"I can," confirmed Severus. "I am working for myself now, not for him. I worked under him for personal reasons. The only thing that's changed now that I'm out is what those reasons are. I need to find out what happened, I need to know who's soul has reconnected me to mine. I need to know that there isn't anything else inside me. That string was glowing when we found it, meaning it was alive. If the man who owned it is still alive… I need my soul, Remus. Without it…"

"I understand," said Remus. "I'd like to help, if I can. This concerns me, too."

"Good," said Severus, "if you're not too busy with the Order."

"I can make time," said Remus. "Besides, they have Tonks. I suppose she'll be involved in this…"

"We don't need her," said Severus. "It shouldn't take all three of us to track this down."

"Please, Severus," said Remus. "Maybe you don't, but I want her."

"Of course, because I have share your love with her," complained Severus.

"Don't be jealous --"

"What else have you ever known me to be?" snapped Severus.

Remus sighed. "Okay," he said. "Forget Tonks."

"Forget her. How can I forget her? I don't even know if you really are the one, or if you're just manipulating me --"

"Are you kidding me?" cried Remus. "You're still pushing me away? You know, I may end up with her if you keep it up. You pushing me away and her always fighting to hang on. Don't I deserve a little more credit than that? You know, if you're not even going to try, I might not even have a choice, I'll have to settle for her. Do you want that?… Even if it's not what I want, sometimes you just have to do what is good for you. We could never have a… not like this. Can't you feel it in your soul? I know you can…"

"Indeed," said Severus. "But it's not my soul. It's yours. When we made love, the magic fused our souls together. That's exactly the problem, that's what brought me here. If that could happen to us… then what else don't we know about what we are. This magic is very personal… I don't want any part of me touched by anyone who's not… you."

For a moment, Remus just stared back at him… But then his mind returned to him. "And you think someone has?"

"Or something," replied Severus. "This is very unknown magic, Remus. We don't know the properties of the magic flowing through us. We don't know how it may affect us. We don't know if it may overtake our minds, our hearts, our souls, our bodies… It may have done that already. Even… with the recent memory of Tonks and I…"

Remus cracked a smile. "Come on," he said. "I thought it was hot."

"Pervert," smirked Severus, bemused.

"Come on, please don't do this," urged Remus. "You know, you and Tonks… you could work it out. At any rate, even you must admit that she needs to be a part of this, too. Maybe she could help… make sense of all this."

Severus scoffed. "Her? She couldn't find her own behind in a chair."

"I need you… I can't do this alone --" said Remus.

"But you can do it with her?"

"For Merlin's sake, Severus, this isn't about her! You have to make some sort of an effort with me --"

"Do you think I don't?" snapped Severus. "Do you think I don't truly care about you, do you think it's all trivial to me? Do you really think I haven't tried with everything I had? Search our soul, you'll see me."

"We don't see each other's memories, the pink string is only intuition --"

"Then check yours. I no longer believe it doesn't exist, because I've witnessed my own, coming from my soul. Coming from the magic that I now rely on to survive. Look into your new soul, or are you still afraid of it?"

"I'm not afraid of my own soul, Severus," said Remus. "Are you?"

"You can't control it," explained Severus. "It was never myself that I was afraid of. It was others. Like you, Remus."

"I'm sorry," said Remus. "I never wanted to make you feel that way… Never."

"I know."

 

 

 

 

"I don't think so," said Tonks, refusing the request.

"Why not?" said Remus.

"It has nothing to do with me," said Tonks. "And I'm tired of Snape. I have important work to do for the Order, and so do you."

"Tonks, please," said Remus, "this is our own souls, here."

"There's nothing wrong with my soul," said Tonks. "Just because he's broken beyond all repair, doesn't mean I am."

"You're young and whole," Remus echoed the words from his former life, "and far too much for me."

Tonks looked at him. "Remus, I've already told you…"

"Then act like it," said Remus. "At least support me in this."

"Support you? Support him, you mean. He's the one who's dragging you into this."

"At least Severus understands me, at least he takes this seriously. He's really beginning to convince me about you, though, Tonks. Maybe you are just a child."

"He said that?" shot Tonks.

"So you're in?" asked Remus.

"Fine," said Tonks. "But he's gonna hear from me, first!"

Severus really didn't know what he was talking about. She had been the first one to burn after the red string took hold. She had been more broken herself for the length of an entire year than anyone could ever guess Severus had, as if they could ever tell what was in his heart, his mind had been far too refined.

She was not as whole as Remus claimed her to be, and it should've been more obvious to Remus. But then, why should Remus care about her when Snape was around?

"Oh please, don't be too hard on him…" Remus begged her.

"I've got the flames out of my heart, but that doesn't mean this is over, by a long shot," argued Tonks. "This will never be over until you're mine --"

"Honestly, what was the point of even going there if you're just going to ignore the truth? It's my heart, doesn't it count for anything?" asked Remus.

"I can't share you with him, Remus, I'm sorry… I'm not trying to hurt you, but he's…"

"I know you hate him," said Remus. "But I love him as well as you. Can't you just let it go?"

"No, never," Tonks cried, "I may not have those fires in my heart, but they're still there, Remus! They're in my soul! Now, more than ever, I can't give in to him! Oh, Remus, the thought of you two… it's more than I can stand!" Tears splashed forth now from her eyes, and she squeezed them shut as she choked on them.

"Tonks…" said Remus, bringing himself close to her and throwing his arms around her shoulders. "I'm sorry," he sobbed, dry-eyed but swept up in her emotions, quite possibly brought on by their special connection. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even…"

"I know," she sobbed into his shoulder, and the words brought Severus to mind. Hastily, he pushed the thought from his mind, trying to forget it for Tonks' sake, but the image stuck. The last moment he had spent with Severuswas still haunted on the periphery of his mind, and it was just as significant as the position he was now in with Tonks.

When had his life become such a mess? Tonks was right, and so was Severus. No matter what they had become now, no matter what the advantages of being pink strings had brought to their lives, they were still no better off. Their problems were still as present as the magical strings bound by fire in their chests and their souls. And for all Remus knew, there was in fact manipulation in that left to discover, but it most certainly wouldn't fix anything to destroy that influence.

If anything, they would only sink deeper and deeper down the slope of their actions. Tonks was right, they should just stick to the Order. He should forget Severus. But how could he?

[End Chapter]


	9. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snape is rendered heartsick from Lupin, and is admitted to St. Mungo's for this affliction. Meanwhile, Lupin and Tonks have their own problems...

Severus discovered an medial embrasure as he returned to the old cottage, running down the stone wall from the top to the bottom. He stepped closer to it, already full of suspicion over what had caused it. He could feel magic emanating off it, and as he looked inside, he got a look into the house's kitchen and, beyond its door, the room where Severus had originally found the soul string. Hawk-eyed and suspicious, he looked for more evidence of what had occurred here. He cast about the room for any hints of magic.

He received a message through the sound waves in the air… his magical connection to Remus. Remus knew exactly what Severus thought of their magic. What was he doing?

"Your memory is gone."

Severus flipped around. A man stood at the crack in the wall, smirking. 

"Who are you?" Severus demanded. Severus glared at the man. The fact that they were both black-haired meant nothing to Severus; plenty of men had black hair, hell Potter did. That didn't mean he was anything like the bastard. But there was something familiar he could sense in the air about him. "You are the man who stole the soul string."

"The one that lives in you now? No, not stole… removed. The man who once housed it didn't deserve it in his possession. But you understand, don't you? Both of us have murder upon our souls."

Severus snarled. "How do you know what's in my soul?"

The man grinned. The image was unsettling. "Because you showed me."

Severus frowned.

"But you knew that, didn't you?" the man continued. "You are the only one who seemed to notice at all. It's why you're here now. Your soul is just broken enough to notice any invader upon it, any threat…"

"How did you get into my soul?"

"You have a lot of questions, don't you? And I will give you the answers, but you have to give me something in return."

Severus almost rejected him point blank. He might ask for something irreplaceable, like Remus, or his soul, or even the string that was still holding Severus together. But he was just weak enough, just desperate enough, to hear him out. If he asked for something important, truly important to Severus, he could just refuse, and face the consequences.

"What is it?" demanded Severus.

"Give me his wife. If you sacrifice her to me, you can eliminate her as competition. And I can erase Remus' memory of her, too."

Tempted as he was, Severus was no fool. "She has the string in her soul too. If you take it from her, you take it from all of us. As much as I regret it, I have to protect her as much as I do myself and him."

"I know you wonder where that connection comes from."

"Nice try," said Severus. "The fusion gave me all the answers I need."

"All of them? I could give you --"

"Do not take me as a fool," snapped Severus. "I have been a victim of manipulation enough times to recognise it when I hear it."

"A Slytherin such as yourself, of course you do."

"Don't think you can get my sympathies through my House."

"Of course not," the man said. "You're in love with a couple of Gryffindors. I'd almost say you don't deserve the title. You're just a little Gryffindor at heart, aren't you --?"

Severus snapped forward, grabbing the man's long brown coat, and the man simply burst into laughter. "I was right! You want to fight me!"

"Never call me a Gryffindor," snarled Severus. "I can't stand them --"

"Except that's not quite true, is it?" the man challenged. "So let me appeal to the Gryffindor in you… haha, get it, the Gryffindor in you?" The man shouldered out of Severus' grip. "You give a bad name to Slytherins everywhere... I offer you a self-sacrifice. What if I told you I could remove my imprint on the string, and with it, the magic's manipulation upon all of you? But it would come at a price…"

"I've sacrificed enough in my life…" said Severus. "I don't need to do it here, for you, too."

"Oh, it would hurt, of course," the man mocked him. "But they would never have to feel it, they may never even know it's there… But as long it is, they're my puppets. And as long as I have them, I have the power to torment all three of you. All I'm asking for is you, in exchange for them."

"I can't trust a single word you say," said Severus.

"Do you want to take that risk?"

"I still have the faculties to fight you. What happened to the man you tortured?"

"Oh, he's still alive, just as you suspected," said the man. "He had to be punished for escaping me. He owed me that soul."

"Then why leave it lying around?"

"I'm afraid I was interrupted in taking it. Which is why I'm here to take it back."

And at that word, he grabbed the pink string from Severus' chest and began pulling at it. "If you don't take me at my deal, I will rip the heart and soul out of all three of you!"

 _Sectumsempra!_ Severus cried, directing the spell towards his enemy. But even as cuts appeared on his gut, even as he bled from his face, he didn't give at all.

"Don't think you can get rid of me so easily!" the man cried.

"Get off!"

"Do we have a deal?" the man cried, pulling the string harder from Severus' chest, tearing his entire being apart.

"YES!" Severus screamed in pain.

The man let go, smiling.

"Good. Then let's begin."

Like Severus, the man kept all his incantations in his head, but he could feel the aura of the magic all around, the accumulative power of both heart and soul flowing through him. Then the fresh pain as they were separated, the pink flame unwinding into red and yellow. He felt that familiar pain again of that consuming red flame. But that wasn't the end of it.

As the flame of the soul string was snuffed out, Severus felt himself crumple. But even on the floor, the man continued cruelly pulling on the gold string until with a sickening pop, it came out.

The red flames receded into his chest, and they consumed his entire body.

"Well, that's certainly different," the man commented. "But I'll bet you can't even move under your stresses. Consumed, heart and soul…"

Severus looked at himself. He was right. He tried to move his arm; he couldn't. He was paralysed.

"Well, I have to run. Say goodbye to Remus for me!" And he exited exactly as he'd entered.

 

 

 

Remus knew automatically that something was wrong. His connection to Severus sparked, then fell. The signal was weak now, and as he looked down at himself to think, he saw that his pink string had darkened to red.

He reached out to Tonks, using what was left of their connection to track her down, instead. Had she changed, too? What had happened…?

The moment he saw her, his eyes were brought down to her pink string. "Tonks," he said out loud.

"Ah, Remus…" said Dumbledore, and it clicked suddenly that she must've been in the middle of a strategy meeting with the Order to decide what to do with her next. "Just the man we were missing…"

"I need to talk to Tonks…"

"We need to talk to you and Tonks too --"

"Tonks, Snape -- he's in trouble! I reached out to him, and he --"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake -- I don't care about him, Remus! We're in the middle of a meeting!"

"Look, this isn't just a simple matter of petty rivalry! We are connected, and if someone has attacked him --"

"Attacked?" said Dumbledore. "What happened, Remus?"

"I don't know… I felt Severus… I can't get through to him, it's almost as if he's... died. I can still feel him somehow, but he's faint… He was chasing something… whatever it was might've found him. I'd be willing to bet it had something to do with this…" said Remus, holding out the magical string in his chest, blood red, the soul within him torn away or hidden deep within.

"Then I suppose we don't have much of a choice," said Dumbledore. "I will, of course, send along a few members of the Order if you feel you'll need them… I'm afraid, however, the two of you are the only ones really qualified to do this, given your connection."

"Thank you," said Tonks. "I'd quite like to have a few fellow Aurors with me."

"It is done."

 

 

 

"Severus!"

Remus ran to the ground kneeling next to him. He could feel the heat emanating off of Severus. He held a hand out over his arm, but hesitated before his hand landed upon Severus; he hadn't hesitated in touching anyone in four years, and he certainly wasn't going to start with the man he loved, not when Severus lay there so helpless and injured.

His hand flew away, burned. Not even when they had been consumed in the fires in the throes of their passion had that ever happened. There could only be one explanation; they were no longer connected.

"Oh, Severus…" said Remus. "What have they done to you?" Remus risked the burn and lifted Severus' chin. His eyes were still cast downwards, as if they were frozen there, as though they were paralysed.

Remus looked down at his scorched hand, sharing Severus' burn. His muscles tensed. He tried to move them, but he couldn't. He jerked his shoulder back, and his hand was released from Severus, still burning.

His stomach dropped at the sight of it useless on the ground next to him.

His heart clenched as he looked at Severus' face, still in time, apparently without even the ability to loll forward, his black eyes still downcast, a haunting sight, the only thing he could see of Severus' face under the flames.

"Severus…" said Remus, staring helplessly, eyes crowded with unshed tears, squinting from heart-wrenching emotion.

 _Legilimens_ , he heard Severus' voice in his head. Remus felt a jolt of Severus' mind brushing against his, saw flashes of his own life: a young child kept locked in a cold room the night of one of his transformations; a teenager at 17 hanging out on the grounds of Hogwarts with his friends; a particularly cold night on the streets of London at 23; another cold night, back at Hogwarts, in his office that year he was named a Professor…

"Oh, Severus…" said Remus, crying a little now at the memories Severus' invasion brought to his mind. "Oh, I remember," he said, still thinking of Hogwarts. "I was missing you that night." He sat there next to Severus in mourning, reminiscing those nights, left lonely by Severus, unable to think of anything else but the sadness in his heart at the memory of it.

Then he was struck by a jolt as an idea now entered his head. If Severus could get inside his head, who was to say he couldn't do the same, especially with all the physical faculties he still had available to him?

"Legilimens," he said out loud, carefully prodding into Severus' brain.

He saw a man, a stranger in this very room in Severus' memory. He had short, black, wavy hair, ruffled like James' hair. But this man was older than James was when he'd died, brown eyes unhindered by glasses. The man wore a large brown jacket over a shirt with a print on it and tight, maroon pants. He walked forwards to Severus. And soon  the man caused more and more of a threat as the scene took a turn. Remus watched as the man separated Severus' soul from his heart, and pulled, even as Severus fell to his knees… Remus' eyes squeezed automatically shut --

And it was gone.

He opened his eyes again to see Severus. "Oh, you poor bastard…" he said. "Why would you do that for me?" he said. "Merlin -- Severus -- why would you --?"

He bent over, crying into his free hand, the fingers spread over his eyes. "Oh -- Merlin -- Severus…"

Tonks came into the room, immediately seeing Remus crying desperately on the floor. She quickly knelt down to him. "Remus, what's wrong?"

He nodded his head forward. "Look."

She did, and saw a burning Severus. "Oh, Merlin…" She turned back to Remus. Even in all her anger, especially at Severus, she knew it wasn't good, no matter how much she wanted it to be, no matter how much easier it would be for her and Remus… Remus was honestly broken at what had happened to Severus. Besides, if nothing else, if they whoever had done this could get Severus, they might yet still come after her and Remus.

She had to protect them both, and hunt down this bastard.

She threw her arms around Remus. "I'm sorry…" she said, "I'm so sorry… I know you loved him too, no matter how I felt about it…"

"Why is it…" said Remus, "why is it that… it always takes tragedy… to bring us together like this…? I can't touch him… I can't even touch him… how can I never even touch him ever again…?"

"I'm sorry," Tonks repeated. "I'm sorry… I don't know…"

Now she was crying, if only because of Remus. Something tugged in her chest. Even Severus didn't deserve this… Not even Severus…

Gideon walked in, his brother close behind him. "Are you alright?" he said. "We got worried."

Tonks turned to him. "Sorry," she said, more bluntly than she had to Remus. "We've got a crisis here."

"Don't touch him," muttered Remus. "You'll get burned."

Fabian moved forward and swiped his hand through the fire, like a child in school, playing with fire. "Don't hurt." Fabian touched Severus' arm.

"No!" cried Remus.

Nothing happened.

Remus blinked. Then he looked over Severus, scanning him with his eyes, every inch of his body. He looked just the same. What happened? Why hadn't Fabian been paralysed? Fabian pulled his hand easily away. It wasn't burning, just normal.

 _Of course_ , thought Remus. Because he wasn't attached… So his connection to Severus was still there. Just enough to make Remus vulnerable…

"Tonks…" he said. "You did a good job bringing them. I can't touch him. But they can carry him to St. Mungo's. I don't even know if there's anything that can be done for him…" said Remus, and a few more tears squeezed forth. "But there's gotta be…"

"Aw, geez," complained Fabian. "Fine, we'll carry him, you don't have to cry about it…"

"A little respect, won't you?" said Tonks. "That man means a lot to him. He's…" she cleared her throat, "…in love with him," she muttered.

"In love with him?" asked Gideon, a little too loudly. "I thought he was in love with you."

"Look, he is," she said. "Okay, just… Don't rub it in."

Fabian and his brother proceeded to pick up Severus. Then, with a flash, they were gone.

Tonks turned back to Remus. "Are you okay, Remus?"

Instead of answering, he threw his arms around her and began sobbing vehemently into her shoulder. "Tonks," he wept, his voice muffled. "Oh, Tonks…"

She returned the embrace. "Oh, Remus…" she said.

 

 

 

They were gathered around Severus' bed, who lay under special inflammable sheets. Tonks still held Remus in her arms, but he'd cried himself all out back at the cottage. After a few hours of patient consoling him, she had brought him here, where the Order had already gathered.

"What happened to Severus?" asked Dumbledore.

Remus squeezed Tonks tighter.

"I'm not sure," said Tonks. "Remus does, but he's far too distraught right now."

"My condolences, Remus," said Dumbledore. "But I'm afraid… we can't help him unless --"

"Are you going to deny him health care access?" Remus shot.

"Of course not --"

"Then I don't need to tell you anything."

"Remus, if Severus has turned you against me --"

"Don't call him that!" Remus now tore himself from Tonks, eyes shining with tears. "He didn't want you to. He's out of the Order now, Albus, you no longer have any sway over him, so don't pretend to be his friend."

"I didn't attack him, Remus," said Dumbledore.

Remus sank back into Tonks' arms. "I know…" he muttered. "I'm sorry. I just thought… maybe there was a reason Severus distrusted you…"

"I only want to help."

"I know."

"Then, what happened?" Dumbledore repeated.

"He… the gold string… it's gone, it's destroyed him…"

"I'm not sure there's any cure for that…" said Tonks.

"At least not by conventional healing…" agreed Dumbledore.

Remus pulled finally away from Tonks, a soft glare in his eyes.

"Is there going to be much more to this?" he asked.

He glanced to Severus out of his eye, just wanting to lay alone beside him. But even if everyone left, he couldn't. No matter how supportive Tonks was being, he just wanted to be on his own right now. But he still had a burning hand to treat. He wouldn't be in the same ward as Snape was, but the healers would be treating essentially the same thing. Even the thought of being near him in so small a way gave him some comfort.

"I'm afraid so, Remus," said Dumbledore. "I need to know more about what happened. Remus, Tonks, walk me to your room."

It was a couple of doors down, in the maladies ward. As they walked down the hall to the staircase, Dumbledore struck up the conversation. "Tell me everything you can. Tonks, where did you find him?"

"In a little countryside cottage," she said. "Me, Remus and Snape first went there looking for answers and found the gold string just sitting on a table. Snape fused it to Remus. Both Snape and I were connected to the string by… association."

"So you went back there," asked Dumbledore, addressing Remus now.

"Yes…" said Remus. "I knew he wanted to go back there, because he told me he did. He wasn't quite satisfied by the conditions of the pink strings, and he still went looking for answers."

"Maybe he was just embarrassed to have something pink coming out of him," joked Tonks.

"Yes, well…" said Remus. "I sensed something had happened to him, he was so far away... So I went back there, looking for him…" They reached the staircase now, and began descending down it. "And he was like this. Like he was."

"How did you figure out what had happened to him?" asked Dumbledore.

"At first, I was just trying to figure out what had happened to him… and whether or not I even still had a connection to him. When I… lifted up his chin, to try to examine -- his face --" His eyes burned, and he struggled to regain control. He wiped at the tears and calmed down his breathing before he continued, "and that's how I got burned," he said, lifting his hand up.

He took a deep breath, lowering his hand, and then took another breath to prepare himself.

"He tried to communi-- commu-- talk to me by using Legilimency on me. He showed me the memory. Of him when he-- came in. Of the man who came in after him. Their... their deal… the moment the man plucked his soul straight out of his chest."

"What was contained in that memory, Remus?" asked Dumbledore.

And Remus told him everything that had happened, in essential details. The deal, the betrayal…

Then they got to Remus' hospital room. "Well, I suppose I'll be leaving you to it," said Dumbledore. Remus sighed in relief. "I'll leave you in the care of Tonks and the healers…"

"No, I want to be left alone for a while…"

"Too bad, Remus," said Tonks. "I'm staying with you."

"You'd better listen to her, Remus. I have the feeling she's not changing her mind."

So Remus numbly let Tonks guide him into the room and to his bed as Dumbledore left. The healer came right up to Remus' bed and started checking him, and asking even more questions. "When did this start?" she asked first.

"When I crossed over," he said. "The binding spell when I crossed over. My red string connects to Severus Snape and Nymphadora Tonks."

"Remus," she complained. "I hate that name."

"Well, aren't we a wild one?" said the healer. "Two people. And playing for both teams, too…"

"What do you mean?" said Tonks.

"Nothing," said the healer, going back to checking Remus. "Am I correct to say the burning started in your heart?" she asked.

"Not this burn," said Remus.

"But how did it get to your hand? Did you get caught mastur--"

"Excuse me!" said Tonks.

"Right. Of course. Sorry…" said the healer. "Well, the source of this injury is heart burn--"

"Heartburn?" said Remus.

"That's right," she said. "We have a few temporary solutions, but this condition can't be cured with medicine alone. If you touched your lover when he -- or she -- was burning, and caught the burn, then the only solution is fix things between the two of you."

Tonks cleared her throat and gestured the healer over, explaining what Remus had told Dumbledore. The healer nodded, understanding.

"The cure, in that case, may be a little complicated --"

"I thought you said it was cureless," said Tonks.

The healer turned back to her. "With convention healing alone," she repeated. "But it does have a cure. It does, however, require therapy."

"I suppose that means we're going to be long-term patients," said Remus.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," said the healer. "I'll have to examine you too, Miss Tonks. Come across to this bed, right next to your husband," she said, leading her. Tonks did, laying down to settle in. "How do you feel about this arrangement?" asked the healer, making small talk while she searched Tonks for any evidence of burns. "Did you ever consider what your husband's lover might be burning for? Perhaps he's pining for your husband…"

"I don't really wanna think about that," said Tonks, as she let the healer examine her. "Besides, Remus has made his choice clear. And that choice was him."

"Really?" said the healer, turning for a moment to Remus. "What is wrong with you? Why did you even marry her if you had no intention to commit?"

"Thank you!" said Tonks.

"I can't help what I feel," Remus snapped defensively. "For the record, she pressured me into marriage."

"If you truly didn't love her, you wouldn't be connected by the red string."

Remus frowned. "I know. I do love her," said Remus. "Somewhere along the line last year, I must've started to love her…"

"Pregnancy can make a woman radiant," said the healer. "But it's barely an basis for love."

"Well, the child certainly brought us together, but I don't think it -- Wait, how do you know about Teddy?"

"Teddy?" asked the healer. "You've named it already?"

"Named it?" said Remus.

"Yes," said the healer. "Your wife's pregnant."

Remus thought back over the last week or so, to the times he'd had sex with her. Three times, no protection… He closed his eyes. "Shit."

"Wait, is that even possible in this world?" asked Tonks.

"Under certain circumstances," said the healer. "I mean, generally it's the other side of the Veil that creates new life, but here, it has been known in magical circumstances. The connection you two both share was probably the catalyst, but it also requires a little something extra to create children. Both worlds draw from each other. As many babies are born here as magic exists there."

"Something extra," said Remus, opening his eyes. "What do you mean something extra?"

"Generally, the connection of the red string between people can bring them closer both to each other and their own hearts. But sometimes the string can become charged with subconscious impulses, and the magic from the string can draw from the Veil to create organic life."

"Organic," said Remus. "Does that mean he'll be human? Not like us?"

"We're still human, Mr Lupin," said the healer, "but yes, the baby will not have magical bodies like us. It will be made of flesh and bone."

"So we can't touch it?" said Tonks.

"Oh, you can," said the healer. "As long as he remains on this side of the Veil. But he won't belong here when he grows up… When he grows old enough, you'll have to let him go."

"He could be a she," said Tonks.

"Yes, I suppose he could…"

"Unless you know something I don't?"

"No, no of course not," said the healer. "Sorry. I just assumed…"

"Sorry, excuse me," said Remus. "But how exactly does the string get charged in the first place?"

"It usually occurs when there is a ignition of passion on one or both sides of a couple such as yourselves," said the healer, looking at Tonks. The healer looked at Remus. "It does have to be mutual, but it doesn't necessarily have to be equal."

"Remus," Tonks said, coming of the bed as the healer cleared her as healthy. "What have you been hiding from me?"

"Tonks…" said Remus, turning to look at her. "I do love you... but I didn't want to. I blamed you, once. But I did love you, on some level. That's why I cared so much… That's why I really gave in at the end. Losing all my friends for rejecting you… it was nothing but an excuse. It always was… You're young and beautiful… you're bright, in more ways than one. You're my light."

Tonks grinned. "Remus. Now, was that so hard?"

"It was," said Remus. "Because I felt guilty. I have loved Severus for far longer than I've even known you. I've loved him since I was a teenager, and I always felt guilty for betraying him back then. I promised myself that I would be loyal because of that. I promised myself I would always love him, and only him. So when I died, and I found I loved you both… It complicated things a bit. I didn't know what to do…"

"We have cases like that when people cross over," commented the healer. "Husbands and wives who moved on from their previous spouses --"

Tonks turned to Remus. "You shouldn't be with someone because you feel guilty," she said.

"I… I didn't even realise that's what I was doing it until I found myself married to you. I truly love him, Tonks. I do."

"But you love me, too," she said. "And I should be just as worth your loyalty as he is."

"It's not as simple as that, Tonks. I love you for being my light. But I love him for being the darkness that already sits inside of me. I feel like we understand each other. We're similar, Tonks, and you and I…"

"Well, opposites attract," she argued.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Opposites attract. I guess they do. Who'd have thought?"

"Who'd have thought?"

 

 

 

 

Severus was conscious, but barely aware. His eyes were empty. It was like he was in a depressive trance that had no escape, with only one thought left in his mind. Remus.

_Remus. Remus…_

There was no escape. And no hope.

"I'm afraid he's in a sort of coma," said a nurse.

And Severus could feel it, that familiar tug. He knew who she was talking to.

 _Remus_ …

"Is there any chance of lifting him out of it?" came that familiar voice, and Severus' chest fluttered with it, his heart light for once.

"It helps to talk to him. He can hear everything you're saying, he knows you're here. He's fully aware, he just isn't able to interact with you."

"He can do magic," said Remus, "he can still do magic, he did it to me."

"It's best that he doesn't do too much of that. What he needs right now is companionship."

Companionship. Some distant part of his brain wanted to deny it, but in his desperate state, he knew it was true, knew it with all his lonely, desperate heart. He felt resentment at that, but he was too weak to be completely filled up it as he had in the past. He felt deep gratitude that Remus was there at all. Immense relief, at his presence.

Before he even registered that anything else was happening, he was alone in the room with Remus, and his lover was sitting beside his head in a seat provided by the hospital.

"They've got me in therapy," he said. "They said that you're not ready for it yet, but you will be," he said it with a hopeful smile, sadness and disbelief soon dragging it down. "They just have to… prepare you…"

There was a fading distance in his eyes, and he felt he could relate to that, like anything. He wanted to apologise, but he couldn't.

"I'm sorry," Remus said, "I shouldn't be talking about that…" He trailed off for a moment, and that sad distance was replaced with an sweeter one. Remus smiled, and Severus felt a pleasant warmth inside.

"I wish I could hold your hand," Remus confessed, and Severus' fingers twitched.

"I know," Remus agreed, seeing this. He clenched his hand against his pants. Severus wished he could relieve the pressure even as much as that.

 _I'm sorry_ , he thought. He almost reached into Remus' mind to tell him that, but he had to stop himself. He probably already knew anyway, and it wouldn't change anything. Still, the phrase repeated in his mind.

"Heh," Remus forced a laugh, "I remember back when we were at Hogwarts together -- as teachers. This feels exactly like that, sitting together in the staff room, talking. Only…" he said. "Only, even though I know you love me back, now… it's killing you. You can't even give that love back to me. It's just that," Remus said, trying to form his opinions, "what I want to say is… what I really wanna say is… I love you so much, and it's killing me this is happening to you… And it's all my fault…"

That warm glow in his heart grew dense, heat rising uncomfortably, and tears began to stream from his eyes, the water burning the flames from his cheeks as his chest convulsed, wracked with the sensation. Trails of skin started to appear, middle-aged and white, just as it had been before, and Remus' heart lifted him out of his chair at the sight.

"Severus… Severus, you're…"

In a second, he was out the door and calling a nurse. Relief flooded him as Remus returned, yet filled with dread as the nurse spoke, but he didn't hear what she said. He didn't want to, he couldn't. All he wanted was Remus back beside him. He savoured the joy on Remus' face as he sat back down beside him, dreading the future for a moment, dreading where Remus might go, dreading being left alone there by Remus, left to burn.

He simply lay there, however. He had to simply enjoy his company in the quiet moments he had left.

 

 

 

"From now on, we're scheduled to have our therapy sessions together," Remus informed him as he entered the room with his therapist in tow.

He didn't care whether or not that was true, as long as Remus stayed. He didn't care how much it was to ask of Remus, to remain loyal to him in such a state, because right now, Severus relied on him. That was the most horrifying part about any of this, to him.

Severus' face was equally as unsettling as it was reassuring. Strips of untainted skin took away the effect of the fire surrounding his eyes and gave Remus hope, but in some ways, the fire looked even more menacing now, made Severus look more mutilated.

Remus sat down next to him, clenching his knee with his free hand while his sling kept his flaming hand from touching his body. It may not be contagious to those outside their connection, but it was still contagious to him.

"How often do you visit him?" asked the therapist.

"Every day," said Remus.

"Good, that's good… What do you talk about?"

"I often reminisce with him… talk about the times we spent together. That was what made him cry…" he said. "But it has to be working right? There's less flames."

"Oh, yes, crying helps, definitely," the therapist confirmed. "Magical tears bring memories with them, and shedding the burden of those memories is an important first step to recovery. But you have to understand it's only a first step, it doesn't solve all problems. It can only take away so much of his pain. He's going to continue to need you by his side. I'm here to help you both work out the rest."

"Magical tears," said Remus. "How do you know they're magical?"

"All tears here are magical, if there's some emotion behind it. Usually it's a rather ordinary shedding of emotions, but in this case it's essential."

"Yes, okay…" said Remus. "What do you want to start with?"

"What I want to do," said the therapist, "is bring to the surface all the sources of his pain and suffering. Only in identifying and facing them can we solve the problem."

She drew closer to Severus, hand reached out, soon coming and landing upon his chest. "You still cannot touch him, but there's a spell I can perform to tap into his pain."

"You're going to use Legilimency on him?" said Remus. "Why are you holding his chest?"

"Memory magic is very complex," she explained. "Sometimes it seeps out as emotion. If I have my hand over his heart, I can cut directly to most delicate memories of his heart. They will seep right into my arm and draw it right into my mind. Without those sources of pain, I will be able to use my methods of physical and emotional therapy to bring him back to life. I will then talk to him about his pain and ask him to perform basic physical exercises in order to find out how close to recovery he's progressing."

It was like a miracle. He hadn't even witnessed it yet, but just knowing it was possible filled Remus up with such a hope, it was like he was witnessing Severus heal right before his eyes.

As Remus watched her absorb Severus' pain into herself, and wondered how often she might do this, absorb pain like this on a daily basis -- it can't be often; it must be on a patient-to-patient basis -- he saw Severus' fires die down in his chest, saw his face slowly unveil down to patches of embers, and the rest of his fires grow small enough to see skin and black underneath, even amongst the still roaring flames.

He could see Severus for what he really was now; still just a man, able to be touched by this woman as anybody else was. And Remus realised with a jolt that he could touch Severus' face again. He reached to cup his cheek --

"No!" said the therapist. "Not yet," she warned, "he could still contaminate you with the fires of his loneliness."

Remus had lonely desires too. What harm could he do?

He looked down at his hand, cradled in the sling. The fire had died down, but it was still active. He didn't want to lose the use of both his hands. He withdrew -- just in case.

"Okay," said Remus defensively, still hurt by their distance. "You talk like love is some kind of disease."

"It is," she said.

He watched her, took in her features as her eyes withdrew. Some therapist she was; a woman who saw evil in love. A woman, quite possibly, who was hurt by it herself. A woman, who was just as damaged as either of them were.

She took a breath, looking back at him. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean that --"

"Yes, you did," said Remus, and there wasn't an inch of hesitation in his voice; it was fact, and that was that.

"No… Let me explain," she said, pulling away from her patient and toward Remus. "I make my living doing this. It's a very specific and very personal magic. It's the most personal kind I know of. With ordinary patients I take, I see magical illnesses of all kinds, very unlike this one. But every now and again, I come across this magical disease -- and yes, that's what it is -- and the only way to fight magic is with magic. But as I said, this is a very personal magic, so magic itself is never enough. Mr Snape is going to need to rely on you more than anything else.

"Please understand what I am; I'm not an evil person who hates your relationship, nor am I a sterile woman who doesn't know what it's like to love someone. I am just trying to help… I know you must understand what it's like to suffer heart break, you must be feeling it right now. That's all this magic is; it's heart break in its physical form. But it doesn't have to last. With all of us fighting for recovery, I know we can come through it to the other side. So, do you trust me?" she asked.

Remus stared stiffly back at her for only a second, looking stricken, before he nodded. "Yes. I do… I'm sorry," he said. "Please, bring him back to me."

And he knew she could do it. Already, he saw the improvement.

"What you've seen so far," said the therapist, "that's as much as you'll see him improve at one time. It'll be a slow recovery, but it is possible."

Remus nodded again.

"And it won't just depend on you," she continued. "He's got to believe he can come out of it, too. You've got to stay by his side and make him believe in it. You have to make him believe in you. Can you do that for me?"

Remus hesitated, then he nodded. He wasn't sure how much Severus trusted him, but he hoped -- he had to hope -- that love would carry them through, that love would give him strength, that love would make him brave…

He would have to brace through all this, and Remus would too.

"Yes," he told her, "I can."

 

 

Remus was busy these days. Between his sessions with Severus, his own sessions, daily visits and Tonks' baby, he barely had time to breathe, let alone relax.

Severus was worth it, of course. He would do anything for that man.

Tonks was a different story. She didn't know what was going on between Remus and Severus, but all that time they spent together drove her mad. But there she was, acting like Remus was somehow betraying her and their child by supporting Severus, and by trying to bring him back to life. There was Severus, lying in a hospital bed, and all Tonks could talk about was Remus' attention.

"A man is lying bed-ridden!" Remus burst out, at the end of his rope as it was, and immensely tired of everything he had to do for her, let alone all his worries for Severus. "Do you think I'm doing this to spite you? Do you think it's guilt alone? I love him, Tonks, and nothing you say will ever change that!"

She stood stock-still, staring in shock. "Fine," she said. "I'll just have to raise this baby alone."

There was a tug in his heart as she stormed out the door, telling him he should go after her, begging him to tell her that of course she didn't have to do this alone. But of course, what could he do? Neither Tonks or Severus would ever tolerate the other, and he had made his choice long ago.

Remus always knew it would be painful. He had to let that pain happen, because without it, he would never melt it away and build a new man. He wanted to be the man who only had room in his heart for one person to share his life with, just so he no longer had to suffer the overwhelming pain in his heart. But of course, Remus knew that would never quite be the truth of his heart; it had grown too big for that now. There would always be room for one more, but he had to let that chamber remain empty. It was the only way to left live his life with as little semblance of regret as he was capable.

He went back to Severus, pressing his bed sheets as he gazed upon his weary, burning face. "Sorry about that," he said. "Tonks… we had a little accident. Apparently a pretty rare accident, too. But when our child grows up, he'll have to go back to the real world. I mean, the living one… It's still all a bit strange." he trailed off, not fully believing his own words. In a way, it was a relief. But in another, his heart was burning. The fire on his hand creeped up on his wrist a little bit now, and Severus had to notice it and know Remus was lying. But he didn't say anything -- couldn't -- and Remus didn't say anything either. At least for right now, perhaps he could pretend neither of them saw…

"No, it's not going to happen again…" he said, as though that would prove it. "And by the way, it wasn't guilt that has brought me here to your side. I love you, Severus. I love you. And I've always loved you, ever since we met. Maybe I didn't know it back then, not all the way through. It took me two years to make a move, and then another until we finally acted on it together. You wanted to follow me just as much as I wanted to show you my private place. You wanted to see me just as much as I wanted to see you.

"But I screwed it up, and that meant that our relationship was always skewed, that it was always torn. And even now, I blame myself for where you are, and it's all my fault!" And he burned his palm into his eyes as he tried to staunch the tear flow, and his heart pounded so violently against his chest, he thought it might break through, and without thinking, soon his hand was there too, pushing down against it, back into his chest, and soon it was aflame too.

"I'm sorry, Severus," he cried, heart and hand and eyes burning. "God I am so fucking sorry --"

Nurses burst in now, carrying Remus over into the next bed. So now he was an infirm just like Severus, and there was no way he could help Severus, because now he just needed to help himself.

 

 

"Unbelievable," said Severus' therapist, now Remus' therapist, as she and his previous group therapist examined him on a consult. "Reckless, aren't you?"

"Reckless in love, I suppose," retorted Remus, since he didn't know what else he was supposed to say.

His previous therapist now spoke to him. "Now, why do you think you've done this, Remus? What was the motivation behind it? What result did you plan to achieve?"

"What -- result?" said Remus. "What do you mean? I…" He shifted his head side to side, trying to keep up with his frantic thoughts and emotions. "There was no point!" he concluded. "What do you think, that I did this on purpose? Are you fucking stupid -- of course I didn't! I -- I was upset! I didn't think things through! I -- I forgot about my hand, alright! I… I don't know, I'm sorry, but don't lecture me like I don't know what I've done! I know exactly what I've done, but I just -- couldn't help myself! My body reacted before I could even stop myself!"

"Hmm," said his group therapist, "do you think there's some sort of involuntary movement controlling him in this magic?" she asked her colleague.

"In -- Involuntary movement?" cried Remus. "There was none -- I was scared, I --" No. Not scared… "I was sad! I was… I don't know… afraid that… I don't know, I couldn't be happy! That I'd… be alone, not be whole… It wasn't involuntary, I knew exactly what I was doing!"

"But you just said you just couldn't help it?" said his old therapist.

She was an idiot; she wasn't getting it. "No -- I mean --"

"That's enough," she said, "we're talking, trying to hash out a solution. If you'd just be patient, we can discover the source of your stress."

"Why don't you just ask me? Or better yet, have her pry through my mind! That's what you do, isn't it, pry into other people's business!"

The woman turned to him now, his previous group therapist, folding her arms at him. "Okay, then," she said. "Talk to me. What happened to make you touch yourself?"

That sounded so wrong, so perverted when she put it like that. Still, he had to ignore it and keep talking. He had to make her understand.

"No, it wasn't…" He was so frustrated, nothing was coming out right. "My wife just walked out on me… which I suppose I wanted... but I'm connected to her heart like I am to Severus, and... I don't know, I just reacted…"

"I thought you said you loved this man?"

"I love them both, but… I chose him…" He grunted. "I was just frustrated. I don't know... a part of me loves her too... and the child... I… I loved them both… Everything, just…"

"But if you chose him, then logically speaking you shouldn't --"

"Stop speaking down to me! I'm not a child!"

"You're throwing a tantrum like one."

"Anyone would when you treat them like this, like I'm not human!"

"Who said you were human?"

"You're treating me like I have no feelings! Like everything's logical! Like I have some logical reason to do everything, like everything's premeditated! It's not! You don't deserve to hold your own job… If you think I'm such a child... When I had to be locked away once a month, I never stopped crying… Do you even remember what it's like as a child? Because children may feel more than adults, but it doesn't mean we're all unfeeling."

"I'm only 100 years old," said his old group therapist who barely looked older than 50.

"That's still a long time," said Remus, finally starting to feel calm again, having something concrete to latch on to. "I don't think you remember, do you? You look so modern."

She wasn't dressed hundred-year-old robes, but was dressed in a fresh uniform and odd bits of recent jewellery.

"I know you are new to this world, but only extremists dress what they died in. I think you'll find even the founders of Hogwarts in modern robes."

It was a welcome distraction, and for ten minutes they spoke about Hogwarts, fashion and the Wizarding world. But eventually, his old therapist brought him back around to the previous subject, and Remus took in a deep breath, about willing and patient enough to try again.

"Right, well… I don't know," he said. "I mean, it all started back when I crossed over." And from there he began to tell both women the story right from the beginning, and they seemed engaged and, for the first time, seeming to understand.

It was such a relief. For so long in his life, Remus had tried to be that understanding person, because understanding was something he always craved, above all else. And for most of it, especially given his werewolf status at the time, he had always felt so misunderstood. Even during his time with the Marauders, even then he sometimes felt as if whatever understanding he felt he shared with them was never real, after what Sirius did both to Severus and to him. But in time, he came to settle into his place, no matter what else he eventually came to feel through the years that followed.

And now here were these women, ignorant therapists, hanging on his every word. He knew it was too much to truly trust in them, but at least he could take comfort in them.

"Well, it sounds like you've been through a lot," said his new therapist.

"Why couldn't you have told us that from the start?" said his old one.

"Well, I… I guess I was too frustrated. Couldn't put two words together."

"On the contrary," said the younger therapist, "you said quite a lot. Really swore us out."

"I didn't mean to attack you," said Remus. "I'm sorry," he apologised. "Like I said…"

There was a flame inside his eyes, and now he found his heart burning brighter as he peered into them.

"Curious effect on the eyes, this disease," the old therapist continued. "My colleague tells me it's to do with the nature of the disease. The eyes themselves do not burn, just the soul within them."

"My soul...?" said Remus.

"The man inside, yes," she said. "And because your heart itself is also burning, that means they effect each other. Even now, you can feel it burning hotter as I stare into your eyes, can't you?"

"Yes --" he said. "Why are you?"

"To prove a point," she said, "and to teach you that in order to treat your injuries, we'll have to approach them with caution."

Inside, Remus felt outraged. Burning his heart and soul just to prove a point? But he said nothing.

She looked away, avoiding his eyes now. "This feels very strange, avoiding your eyes," she complained. "But I'm afraid it'll have to be a strict condition upon all your visitors coming here now."

"What about my hand?" he asked then.

"It's rather separate from your eyes and heart," his new therapist told him. "Though interestingly enough, I believe you can still use each other in order to get better. His soul burn is merely on the surface; it's his heart that's being tortured. You, on the other hand, are the opposite. Your soul is burning deep within you, and your heart is being effected. It's a give and take process. His heart can heal your soul; your soul can heal his heart. You're both broken, but together, you can be whole."

Remus looked meaningfully over at Severus. His heart burning as he stared into those eyes, eyes that didn't think or see, yet felt too strongly. His heart burned along with him, but he could feel it now, the distinct line between heart and soul. His heart almost felt okay, but his eyes… burned in pain as he felt his soul tearing apart. Who was he? Who was he with Severus?

He remembered he'd felt this way as a teenager. But even back then, it hadn't burned this much. If he truly was just being a child, how did he hurt this much? He crossed his arms over himself, trying to hold himself together.

"Okay," he said vulnerably, still staring without blinking at Severus. "I'll do it. Anything."

"Good."

 

 

"Wish I knew what you were looking for. Might've known what you would find," said Remus, speaking to the empty space between him and Severus.

"No," said Severus. His voice was deep, dark and empty, and the sound filled Remus with fear.

"No? What do you mean, no?"

"No, I don't..." mumbled Severus. After his first initial treatment by their new therapist, he could speak, but never more than three or five words at a time. More words than that, and the exhaustive energy would burn him back into silence.

"I'm sorry," Remus said. "I know it's hard for you."

He didn't know what more he could say. What he really felt like doing was complaining, but he knew that would do nothing to help Severus, and despite the ways that Severus treated him in the past, he didn't deserve that. But boy, how he wanted to. He wondered if he still should, since he burned more when he kept silent. And right now, his patience was running thin as it was.

"Despite where we were going, look at us. We're here," said Remus, and for the first time, it occurred to him how bitter he sounded.

What a turn of events. Is that what Severus felt like all the time? Perhaps in life, this would've been the other way around. With Remus' heart burning, and Severus' soul burning. But they had changed a lot since coming here. Hell, since this past year. How bitter had Remus become? How many lives had Severus saved out of his heart?

"Wish I knew…" repeated Remus, and now his soul was crying, but tears did nothing to quench it. He almost wished it was his heart that was broken. Somehow he wondered if it was easier, like that. He knew it was cowardly and wrong, but he felt it anyway.

He really was dumb.

"I wish I knew what I could do…" he said. "What are we, Severus? Just a couple of broken fools… lying together in hospital beds… What's the point to it all?"

"We're here," Severus said, and the sound shocked Remus. What shocked him even more was how comforting that sounded. "Together."

"You're… happy about that?"

"All I… need…" said Severus.

"Yeah…" said Remus, not sure if his smile was genuine, yet not feeling quite so comforted about that fact that no doubt Severus was. "Right."

"Look at me."

Remus turned back to Severus and saw something in his eyes... something like life.

"Severus..." said Remus.

"You're losing yourself," Severus finally acknowledged, and Remus jerked his head in confirmation. "Don't," he simply said.

"Don't?" said Remus.

"Don't," repeated Severus, "need to."

"Why not?"

"Because..." said Severus, "you're beautiful."

"No, I'm not."

"You... are," said Severus. "Just..."

"Don't speak," said Remus. "I know this is hard for you."

"Not hard," said Severus. "Just... you..."

"Just me? What do you mean?" Remus couldn't help but ask.

"I... love you."

Remus didn't know if he should, but he smiled anyway. Those were three little words he couldn't help but be lifted by, when coming out of that mouth, when coming out of Severus' heart. It made him feel worthy. It made him feel part of the deepest and longest of loves.

"I love you too, Severus. So much."

Remus caught pain lingering in those eyes then, amidst all Severus' vague joy, and Remus realised he didn't even know the shortest of Severus' pain, of all his heartbreak. He felt guilty now, he felt bad for wanting to trade places.

He wouldn't want to be in Severus' position, feel Severus' pain, for all the world.

Of course, it didn't make his pain all the better, it didn't lighten what Remus was feeling. But it did put it in perspective; if he could somehow survive his own consciousness, all the questions, all the bitterness, he could be alright. But Severus...? It all felt so helpless for Severus...

"Don't worry. I'm fine…"

Remus turned back once again to Severus. "I won't have you die on me too, in any form," he said. "I love you, and I won't let you be consumed by me."

"You… consume yourself…"

"Right," said Remus. "I get it. You won't let me consume myself either, is that it? Well, what are you going to do? You had him take it. To save me."

"You…" Severus honestly seemed lost for words now, breathing deeply, in and out. "Kiss me."

"What?"

"Save me. Kiss me."

"Kiss you? You know I can't do that."

"If you love me…" Severus' breath continued to heave. Then his eyes shifted; had he changed his mind? "…Then go after him."

"No, wait," said Remus. "If I love you, go after him? What, and take my soul back? That isn't saving you, it's saving myself!"

"Kiss me," he repeated. He finally let out his breath.

"No -- no, don't leave me --" he said, until he paused in the next moment and saw that Severus was indeed still breathing. _Thank Merlin…_ "Oh," Remus breathed. "Good. So… kiss you?"

"Bring me to life."

"No matter what the cost?"

Severus nodded.

"To me?" Remus insisted.

Severus grew silent.

Remus pulled himself up out from his bed, trudging over to Severus' bed. He leaned down against the sheets and pillows, gently pressed a hand down on the other side of Severus' head, and bent down to kiss his lips.

It was brief, but the pressure was warm and comforting. He was careful the whole time, and he finally pulled away.

His lips crackled with the fire, but it was just crackling embers, like fireworks. His lips curled up as he looked back down at Severus.

"See?" said Severus, smiling imperceptibly, "Fine."

"I swear to Merlin, Severus, that man is going to pay for doing this to you. Whoever he is…"

"He'll pay," said Severus. "I know he will. You'll make me... proud."

"Severus… You're speaking more!"

Severus smirked. "Magic."

"No," said Remus. "Love."

"Same thing," said Severus. "Just ask Dumbledore."

Remus grasped Severus' left cheek as he kissed him again, deeper this time, pressing passionately into his mouth, and Severus breathed Remus sharply in, his body shifting against the spark he felt now. At this moment, kissing Severus, touching him, was more charged than he had felt since the last time they'd had sex. Remus almost thought they could do it now, too, if it weren't for the dangerous fires that still burned below Severus' neck. Remus was so turned on right now, so full of desire, that he could almost ignore it.

But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. Regretfully, he pulled away.

"Oh Merlin," he moaned. "Oh Merlin, I want you, Severus…"

Remus suddenly felt the heat of the fires next to him, still the same but somehow burning hotter.

"But I won't do that to you," said Severus.

"Oh, fuck doing that to me," Remus growled. "Do that to me, Severus…"

Severus' legs pulled tighter under the sheet. "I can't."

"We have these feelings for a reason, Severus," Remus argued. "This is a disease of the heart. We're supposed to do this."

"Is that what they said about aids?" said Snape. "Besides, this is a disease of love, not lust. Sex doesn't solve anything."

"Sex is love," said Remus. "At least it is between us…"

"Sex has never been love. Sex is sex," said Severus. "You want to help me, keep it in your pants…" Then his face lowered from Remus, and there was pain in it, so much pain. He looked tired. He'd already said too much. His eyes looked empty again.

"I'm sorry," said Remus, quickly forgetting his libido. "Oh, Severus, I am so, so sorry," he said. "I knew that, I just forgot for a moment. I just have so much… hurt… I just love you so much…"

"I know."

"I don't know what to do."

"It takes time," said Severus.

"I know it takes time, but I want you back now," cried Remus.

"You Gryffindors," said Severus. "No concept of patience."

It was meant as a light jab, but Remus took it much more personally. "You are always on about how much you hate Gryffindors, but that isn't fair!" he cried. "I'm a Gryffindor, you know, Severus."

And before he could answer, Remus had burst from the room.

Leaving Severus with plenty of time to process what Remus would do. Already, the flames burned worse than ever.

 

 

 

Remus reached the street. Faces watched him in horror already, as he made his way through the crowd. He would have to keep out of muggle London, which didn't leave him very many places to go… But the Leaky Cauldron had a fireplace. So did a number of other buildings. If he could only get in to one of those places quickly enough, he could go anywhere…

He threw the sling off his arm. There were muggles around him now. If he was fast, he could avoid any interference they may have to help him if they saw him on fire, and the sling was only one more thing to slow him down or make him look conspicuous.

A figure made it's way toward him through the crowd. He only saw a spark of bubblegum pink hair before her body came colliding with his.

"Tonks!"

"Remus! What did you do?" she demanded.

"What? You're the one who bumped into me!"

"Not that!" she said. "I mean -- you can see me!"

"Of course I can see you. I don't know how anyone could miss you!"

"Well, they have been! Ever since we last talked at the hospital --"

"Shh," Remus hissed hastily. "We're surrounded by muggles!"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake --" she said, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him roughly down the street. "I have to bring you to the Leaky Cauldron. James and Lily are there, at least. You can talk sense into them, at least…"

"Talk -- talk sense into them? The last I saw of them, they seemed pretty sensible…"

"Well, they're not right now! They don't even listen to me! They don't even see me! It's like I'm invisible! But you can see me, so you talk sense into them."

"Me?" cried Remus. "But I thought you didn't want anything to do with me! And -- wait a minute -- are you telling me I'm walking down the streets of London partially on fire and being pulled along by someone the muggles can't even see?"

"Oh, forget about the muggles! The Ministry'll soon sort them out, anyway."

"You don't even seem to care what a fuss you'll cause for them! What if they can't get them all?"

"Then they'll cover it up… Look, do you even care? Why else are you even here, flaming?"

"Oh great. Thanks," Remus complained. "I was escaping."

"Escaping? From where? Oh, don't tell me…" she said. "The hospital! You escaped from the hospital?" She almost let him go and turned on him. But instead, she paused, gripped him tighter, and turned back, silently carrying him on. "Oh, you're gonna get an earful, later…"

He wasn't particularly looking forward to it. He was just glad she was speaking to him again.

Finally, they arrived. Remus, despite being stuck with an enraged Tonks, let out a breath of relief. He was out of the streets, at least. Away from the muggles who crowded the streets thicker than he'd ever seen.

He followed her slowly into the pub, distracted.

Then she turned on him. Her eyes sparkled. "Seriously, Remus…" she said. She had a softer tone to her now. "It's been like this for weeks. What's happening to me? I'm like a ghost without you."

Remus looked concerned as he stared back at her. "I don't know," he admitted. "This is the first I've seen of you since... Have you tried to contact me before now?"

"No," she said. "Yes," she sighed a moment later. "You were too busy with Snape to see me."

"Both me and Severus were affected by the change in the spell. Whatever is happening to you… might have something to do with it. What happened to your soul, Tonks? What were you feeling when you walked out on me?"

"Now, don't think I'm gonna come back to you…" she said, "I'm not crawling back. But… I don't know, I was hurt, Remus. What else is there to it?"

She sat at the bar and buried her hands in her hair, avoiding his eyes.

Remus propped himself up on the stool next to her, staring back at her. "There's a difference, trust me," said Remus. "Severus is in there feeling dependant and broken over me --"

"Don't talk to me about Snape!" she snapped.

"Okay…" Remus tried. "Then, let me tell you how I've been feeling… I've been lost. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I should even do about anything."

"Is it me?" she asked, turning to him softly again. "Are you losing yourself over me again?"

"It's no one. It's both of you, actually. I don't know, maybe it's just me… You know, souls grow. Maybe mine's stunted."

"Don't say that --"

"Remus!" a woman cried out, and he looked up to see Lily, smiling and approaching with open arms.

"Lily," he smiled, hopping down from the stool and politely waving her off, afraid to infect her with his burning soul. James was coming up behind her.

"What are you two up to here?" Remus asked, flashing a guilty glance at Tonks.

The Ministry and the Order are having talks right now. We have nothing to do with all that, so we're just hanging out here instead," said James. "But hey, what are you doing here alone. You don't look particularly great, mate. They seriously let you out of St. Mungo's like that?"

"They didn't," said Remus. "Snuck out."

"You're bad, Remus," James smirked while Lily frowned.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Oh, it's only a pint…" said James.

"I didn't break out for a drink. I was sort of abducted here."

"But you're alone," said James.

"Not exactly," said Remus. He looked fully at Tonks now, her eyes clouded with sentiment and sadness. "Tonks is here."

"Well, where is she!" asked James.

"Right there," said Remus, still watching her, his concern returning. "I don't know how to tell you this…"

"I'm in disguise," she joked.

"She's in disguise," he repeated. She slapped a palm to her forehead. "Sorry --" said Remus, "I mean, she's not there -- She is! Sorry, she is…"

"Slow down, Remus," said Lily kindly. "What are you trying to say?"

"Tonks," said Remus. "She's here. In that bar seat. You can't see her… but she dragged me here to tell you. You can't see or hear her, but she's there."

"We should probably get you back to the hospital --" said Lily.

"I'm not crazy!" said Remus. "It's true, she right there! Merlin, I feel like Harry…"

"Hold on," said James. "I believe him. It could be magic, Lily. I trust my friend."

Remus smiled. It was all so reminiscent of that night at the Burrow, drinking firewhiskey and Harry talking like his father. Remus hadn't taken him seriously back then… He was glad James took him seriously now, though. He didn't care if it made him a hypocrite.

Even if it meant he was running from himself.

"Thank you," he said. He turned to Tonks. "Now what do you want?"

Tonks jumped down from the stool. "I need to get the Order together. I need to get myself together."

"It's just James and Lily right now, Tonks. You heard them, the Order's busy. Besides, what can they do for you?"

"I have to do something, Remus! I won't just stay like this!"

"What do you plan to do?"

"I don't know yet… But I know I do plan to use you. You're not in the hospital anymore, at any rate."

"I escaped," he told her. "I'm still infectious."

"Merlin, Remus, what have you done? You have to get back there!" said Lily.

Tonks and Remus turned back to her.

"I'm sorry, Lily," said Remus. "I really screwed up. I know you've only wanted the best for me since I crossed over… But I screwed up. And I escaped to figure myself… just like Tonks is doing here, too. I think it may be for the same thing. I've never heard of a girl going invisible, but maybe they have at St. Mungo's…"

"You're gonna send me back there?" Tonks cried.

"No, of course not. I can't yet," said Remus, facing her. "I can't go back without recommitting myself, and I still have something to do out here."

"What?" asked Lily, sounding concerned.

He turned back to her. "I'm going after the bastard who did this to us."

"Then I'm going with you!" said Tonks.

"Remus," said James, and Remus stared right at him, "you don't have to do this alone. Lily and I will go to the hospital and the Order. We'll be your back-up. We'll join you, if we can."

"Thank you, James," said Remus, "Lily…" He turned to Tonks next to him. "Tonks…" He turned back to James. "But, one problem. How do we find him?"

"Do you remember the spell we used on the Marauders Map, the one to show where everyone was, whether we knew they were there or not?" said James.

"Are you suggesting we make a new map? But of where? He won't be at Hogwarts. He could be anywhere."

"Moony," grinned James, "you gotta think bigger than that. Remember, we're not just kids anymore. We don't have to just draw a map anymore. We have maps of London at our disposal. We have the whole arsenal of detection magic, and we have me."

"No wonder Severus thought you were a bit stuck up," smiled Remus.

"Guilty," said James.

Remus grinned now, too. "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get started."

[End Chapter]


	10. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus, Lupin and Tonks meet Salazar Slytherin, who seems to be up to his own tricks.

Tonks, Remus, James and Lily were the new Marauders, or so they liked to pretend. Remus knew what they really were. Even if there was any replacing the Marauders, how could he leave Severus on the outside again?

They tried plenty of methods to isolate the spell to hone in on the stranger. At first they tried isolating places he could be, either London or cottage, but then they figured out it was just easier to focus the spell itself on Remus' borrowed memory still hidden in his mind. All the other dots would soon vanish, and what they'd be left with would be the name and location of the man himself.

"Focus, Remus," said James, a strewn-out mess of maps between them and a focused glow of magic around Remus' head. It was James who had locked it there, and James who was leading him through. "Look at every detail. Listen to his voice. Look at his face, his figure, his clothes. Only focus on him, nothing else…"

Remus could see him clearly. He had a thin figure, young. Stubble around his jaw and over his lip. Brown eyes, dark hair. Focused gaze. Casual stance. His overcoat was almost as dramatic as Snape's robes, but the clothes underneath were so normal that he could have been a muggle. But then what would he doing there? Why steal soul strings? Was he mad with the power of wizard kind, ambitious to be fused with it no matter what it takes? 

"Got him!" said James.

Remus' eyes snapped open. "Where is he?"

"We were both wrong," said James. "Not in the cottage like you thought or the heart of London like I thought. Take a look…"

Remus peered over the papers, even as Tonks and Lily did, looking at the dot above James' finger.

Salazar Slytherin. "Oh Merlin…" said Lily. "You met Slytherin… and he's… gone back to Hogwarts? James, who's there now?"

"Hold on, let me widen back the spell…"

The glow faded from Remus, and he felt like he was released from a terrible grip he hadn't even noticed had been pressing down on his head. He swayed on the spot, releasing a big breath. As soon as he'd recovered, several moments later, he stared down at the map, as several dots appeared at once. And right next to the name of Salazar Slytherin was another familiar name. Godric Gryffindor.

"Slytherin and Gryffindor are known to have a massive rivalry. Is it possible… that Slytherin thinks that string with finally give him an edge?" asked Remus.

"Anything's possible," said James. "Only thing I know… I can't possibly let you go there alone." He smirked, mischief mixed with a strong loyalty in his eyes. "For moral support." James looked back at Remus. "Salazar Slytherin left an heir at Hogwarts, don't you remember that? Who's to say what he's doing now won't be worse than what Voldemort tried to do?"

"You're right," said Remus, in horror that he hadn't thought of that himself, that he had really been ready to run into the fray without even thinking about that.

"But why?" said Lily. "After all this time?"

"I don't know," said James. "But if he's going to mess with my friend, I sure intend to find out. Lily, contact the Order. Tell them where we've gone. If you have time, contact the hospital too. I still think we might need back up."

"Good luck," she told him, with a gentle stroke of the shoulder. Next moment, she stood, walked a few steps and Disapparated on the spot.

"Oy!" called the barman. "No Apparating on the premises!"

James gathered up the map from the table. "Come on, Remus!" said James, pulling him from the bar.

"And Tonks! I'm right here!" Tonks cried, downing the last of her drink and slamming it down, running after them. They left the mess on the table and soon ran out on the street, Disapparating one after the other to the edge of Hogsmeade where they had first spotted Slytherin and Gryffindor, ready to face whatever they had coming.

 

 

 

There was a path, leading up to the gate. "From here, we're on our own," said James, lowering the map. "They should be just up ahead, into the grounds. Eh, Moony, do you think they could've gone to the Willow?"

"They can't know what's in there…" Remus said seriously. "Unless our souls are connected now too."

"Is that possible?" whispered Tonks.

"It's possible since he stole it from us. But it isn't the heart and soul connection that we have," said Remus. "It's more of an outsider's view in. Like looking at a memory of Voldemort and Harry's soul connection…"

James shivered. "It still doesn't sit right, the thought of that thing invading my own son. It's not right. He might as well have violated me, let alone Harry."

"I'm sorry, James --"

"Guys, shut up! Look!" hissed Tonks, and Remus nudged James as he spotted what she was pointing to, nodding towards the scene. "Look," he whispered.

Two figures in the dark. The one closest to him must be the man Severus met, Slytherin… The other… He was a blonde man with a roughly shaven beard, just like Slytherin. He wore a business jacket over a loose fitting white shirt and brown corduroy pants. He almost looked dull in comparison, but his eyes burned with a passion almost unparalleled. Or was that magic?

"Let me at him --"

"Wait!" hissed Remus, stopping James with a firm hand on his arm.

"What?" James hissed back.

"I want to see what he does."

Tonks came in close at his side. "Are you sure about this, Remus?" she asked kindly.

"Remus, whatever he did that to Severus for, he's about to do it now! We have to act --" James added.

"Exactly!" hissed Remus. "I need answers, more than justice."

"Why? Remus, just --"

"Because," said Remus, with an intense glare forwards. He hesitated. "I… I have to… I can't live with myself if I don't know. I'm not the type who normally seeks revenge unless there's no other choice, James. You know that. Where it counts, I'll fight to the bone. I won't let him get away with it, I just need to know. I promise you that right now."

James looked at Remus, and he finally pulled his gaze from the scene to look at his old friend. A kindness returned there, and a contagious smile flitted onto James' face. "I promise you that in return. Fight till the end."

With a smile, Remus turned back in front of him to find his questions answered.

Gryffindor faced Slytherin, and sparks of tension flew through the air between them. Gryffindor seemed to spot that something was about to happen, and his eyes were hard in anticipation.

"What are you doing here, Salazar?" he finally called across the distance in between them.

"I could almost ask you the same thing, Godric," said Slytherin, stepping slowly towards him over wet grass.

They were on the grounds of Hogwarts, where Remus, Tonks and James were still on the path. James took a step onto it now, raindrops lightly splashing on his shoes, as he kept his eyes forward, alert. Remus held his wrist, ready to keep him back. But he was just as ready to let him go and run alongside him.

"What do you want, Slytherin?"

Slytherin stood before Gryffindor. "You."

In a burst of gold light, Gryffindor threw his head back in pain, and all three of them came rushing forward. "We better not be too late, Remus!" James called as they rushed desperately over the long distance to try and save Gryffindor before it was too late.

"What is he doing?" cried Tonks.

"Are you okay, Tonks?" Remus cried, but even as he said it, he felt a pain in his chest, and he clutched it as he ran. "Dammit," he swore.

"Remus, are you alright?" said James.

"Fine! Keep running!" he cried, as he did the same, pushing desperately through the pain. He had to be strong enough to do this… He had to!

"It's too late," screamed Slytherin as they closed the distance. "The string is no longer your soul! It's pure and simple power! And it's overwhelming him!"

"What are you doing to him?" demanded James, as he pulled him away at the shoulder.

"Using the power of three broken souls to utterly destroy his! No matter how fast you get here, you can't stop it. This pure power will destroy you all!"

"No!" cried Remus, only now catching up. "My soul is intact! I can feel it in my chest! You haven't stolen mine!"

"Is your wife here?" demanded Slytherin. "I know exactly what I've done to her. Can you even see her anymore, Lupin? Or is she completely lost to you?"

"What did you do to me?" cried Tonks.

"What did you do? Why don't you tell me now?" said Remus.

"Oh, so she is there. No, Lupin, I'm not a fool. But I will tell you this: the reason no one can see your wife anymore is all your fault. You ignored her completely, so now she has become exactly what you made her… Invisible."

"No, no, I don't blame you in this…"

"I do," said Remus, looking to her.

"No, Remus, you can't! That's exactly what he wants!"

He snapped his head at her. "Why are you being so kind to me, after what I did to you?"

"You heard what he said. He's knows how to hit at you. Look what he's done to us. Whatever you've done, I forgive you. But don't let him win!"

"That doesn't mean I'm not to blame," said Remus sadly. "I did this to you, Tonks. And for that, I'm sorry."

She turned her eyebrows up at him in silence, eyes full of sadness for him too.

"So that's where she is," said Slytherin, Gryffindors screams now background noise.

Remus' head snapped back to him, as he remembered why they'd been in such a hurry in the first place. Rushing past Slytherin, he came upon Gryffindor, compressing against his chest in a vain attempt to quit the transformation there, string looped around and around something beneath the surface… his heart.

No, compression's the last thing he needs… The next time the string came up to make a loop, Remus caught it, and began tugging against it.

"It's too late," Slytherin repeated malevolently, "the string is binding. It's useless to pull against it. You'll only damage him more! My so-called heir was a fool… I've long since given up my dream of solely running that school. I have no desire for that anymore, I haven't for lifetimes… Soon, Gryffindor will be my puppet."

"And then what? Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw too?" James demanded, still gripping Slytherin by the shoulder hard.

"Unlike Gryffindor and I, they always got along famously. I don't at all care about either one of them. In the end, it was never about the school. In the end, it was always about what it always is. It's about me and him. It always was."

"Are you in love with him?" asked Remus, turning back in shock.

"I'm not like you, Lupin," said Slytherin. "While it's true I joined this project because of him, and it's true that we shared a sort of unusual connection, it was never about that. It was all about power," he said. "A constant power struggle. And tonight, it finally ends! Tonight, I've finally found my win!"

"And then what?" Remus demanded. "What comes after glory? You said it yourself… You have a connection."

"Not like yours," said Slytherin. "Not your death-bound connection."

"Jealous?" said Remus.

"I don't need it! We have always been connected, heart and soul, even in life!"

"And now you want to take it to the next level," replied Remus. "What is that, Slytherin? What happens when he becomes your puppet. The magic will be gone… ironically. What will be the fun in your relationship then? Power for the sake of power… What's the point in it?"

"You are of his House," said Slytherin. "You don't appreciate the true meaning of power."

"Severus is," said Remus. "You ask him the same thing, and I'm sure he'd agree with me."

"Snape is biased --"

"Severus is yours!" said Remus. "Do you know what will happen when that string has wound around his heart?" Remus continued.

"He will be mine."

"Oh yes," said Remus, "all yours. But if you have this connection that you say you do, body and soul, then surely you must know what happens next? The string, which has no end, will fly out of his chest and into yours. Then you will truly be connected body and soul. For all you know, it might even do to you, what it's doing right now to him. It will bring you the same pain that my connection to Tonks and Severus has done to me. So, how does it feel? Are you the one who's scared now? You will be as vulnerable as I am, and when that happens, our window into your soul might just give us enough to do to you what you've already done to us… Are you ready for that? Because ready or not, we're coming."

Slytherin's face lost its joy. It was now a blank slate, angry, shit-scared…

That malevolence now spread onto Remus' face. "That's right," he said, "I can see it now. Five broken souls, separate but the same, fighting against each other. You started this, Slytherin… But I'm going to be the one to end it."

"Remus…" James seemed to say at the same time as Tonks. "What are you talking about? I thought you said you didn't do revenge --" he said.

"If I have any other choice," Remus corrected him. "He's left me none," he said, with a glare just for Slytherin.

"Remus, don't do this," begged Tonks.

"He would do the same to you."

"That doesn't mean you have to sink to his level!" she cried.

"Tonks is right, Remus," said James. "Listen to her."

"I know one man who would agree with me," said Remus. "And I know he'll join me, even if you won't, Tonks," he said, still staring at Slytherin. "No matter how much yours he is, he's mine far deeper," Remus told Slytherin. "We are not our Houses. We are each other's." It was the first time Remus realised it, and he was feeling stronger and stronger with each passing second. "He's mine."

"So are you," said Tonks, tears sliding down now.

"It's too late," said Remus, eyes now locked on Slytherin's, completely ignoring Tonks' tears. He knew it was cruel, but it was all he could stand to follow through with his decision. Magic hung in the air like golden candlelight, and Remus could feel it hanging there, feel it in his bones, feel it in his chest… "You should feel blessed, Severus -- Salazar… I never meant to let evil into my heart, not even with him… But I'll do it to you, if it means you'll pay for what you've done…"

"Remus, no --!" cried Tonks, but it was too late. In a bright flash of golden light, consuming them all, washing out the whole field, the soul strings spread out to everyone, missing only James, opened up by Remus' will, by his alive strength, attacking, consuming, bursting them all with painful emotions.

Remus thought he heard screams…

The worst part was that he felt them not only in himself, but Severus, that dark heart; in Tonks, in all her ignored fury; in Salazar, that evil, consuming hatred and love; and in Gryffindor, in all his trapped pride. He felt them all, understood them instantly, as shame swelled upon him. He knew they could feel it too, knew they saw beneath the surface and knew him, because he now finally understood them all himself. And Merlin, what was he facing at the light of day…?

His eye watered. Love may be blind, but it sees with the soul, and now that blinding light formed into a new image; he saw the strings fly out from Gryffindor's chest, fly into Salazar, even saw two ghost strings hit him and Tonks in the chest. James remained blinded and untouched.

The light faded out vaguely, and James recovered.

"What are we now?" said Remus, much to James' confusion.

It was Gryffindor who answered. "You know what we are. The soul string doesn't take lovers like yours, it takes soul mates. That's what Salazar and I are. But now that you do understand, now that you share a part of our souls, you mustn't act. You're a good man inside, Remus Lupin. You wouldn't have been sorted into my House if you weren't."

"I'm still a child of the moon, even if I lost the wolf," said Remus. "I'm no more an innocent man than Severus, or even your soulmate, is."

"I didn't say innocent, I said good."

"And is Severus not good?" demanded Remus. "After all he's done for the last sixteen years, is he not good? Do you distrust your soulmate that much, and trust in me?"

"When I was Godric, I would've agreed with you. But I'm dead now, and..." He turned his eyes to Slytherin. "I still care about him, but all my trust is gone. I know you've felt that way too."

"But you share a soul," said Remus.

"It didn't stop you," retorted Tonks.

Finally, he turned to her. He faced her eyes; they glowed with their connection, and he could feel his own alight with the sight.

"You would take everything tough in me and snap it," she said angrily. "You did that to me, Remus. And now you don't even care!"

"I -- I do, Tonks --"

"Yeah, I know exactly how sorry you are," she snapped.

"Tonks..."

"Look at us, Remus," she said. "I'm the only woman here. And right now, I feel like yours is a world of men, and I have no place in it. I have no place in your world, Remus..."

"That's not true..."

"Yes, it is! You act like love and trust is separate and hate and love are the same, but they're just not, Remus! What happened to you? When did you become this man that stands before me! You never talk to me! It's like you're afraid to -- where did all your love go, its like you don't even have it anymore!"

"I do love you --"

"No, you don't! Maybe you did once, but you don't now!" cried Tonks. She breathed, sadly. "You're not mine anymore, Remus. I don't know what happened, but you're just not..."

"Then why do we have this connection?" said Remus. "What is there left to connect us if we don't have love?"

"The red string is gone," said Tonks. "Don't you see it, there's just gold here."

He looked down at his string, but there was still a hint of red there. "But, then we're soulmates?"

"Just soul mates, Remus."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are," she said, and this time she did believe it. They were no longer lovers anymore. Just friends.

Or so simple it would be, if Remus didn't see that string, separate but there, coming out of her chest. She didn't see it -- maybe it was invisible to her, like the rest of her -- but it was there.

He wasn't going to tell her. He wanted to see how long she'd take to figure it out, if she ever did. Besides, as much as he loved her, it was kinder. Probably.

Perhaps the strings weren't fused together because they weren't meant for each other. Or maybe that was another excuse, because both Severus and Tonks' strings had been fused before. It still complicated his decision. Assuming it was his to make.

No, it wasn't, it couldn't be. "I'm sorry, Dora," Remus continued, "but it's still there. The string."

"What are you talking about, Remus?" she cried, teary-eyed.

"The string, it's still there."

"But I don't see anything --" She gasped shakily, eyes directed down in shock. "Oh…" She was crying now. "But…" she said.

"Yeah," he repeated, "you can feel everything right now, right along with me, right along with Severus…" He looked at Gryffindor and Slytherin, "and right along with them," he said, nodded to them. He looked back at Tonks. "But you also feel something deeper, don't you? Something more than your soul, something more than who you are and what you need. You feel something deeper. And look at you; that hurts. So I'm sorry…" said Remus. "This is me finally confessing it. I'm sorry… that I've done that to you.

"Because I really do love you. And maybe I was afraid to confess that before now because I was afraid. I wanted to love Severus. Not because it's simpler or easier, or because it never has been, and not even because I find it necessarily morally right, even if that's what I tell myself. No, it's because… I can't bear… to be with someone who deserves so much more… than just me. I don't care what you think of me, how much you think I'm worth it… because I just really don't think I am. Severus fits me. But you… Like you said, you're the odd one out. You don't fit in my world. And that's what I've been trying to… I don't know what, warn you? But," he choked out a laugh. "You're just so stubborn!" He choked on brave laughter, before his smile faltered again.

Tonks laughed along with him at that because it was so true, and she was so proud, and it was so ridiculous in that moment, and she was already so upset that she couldn't help it, and a few tears escaped from her, jumping down her cheek, sliding down, itchy hot tears. Grin as wide as anything.

Remus took a huge breath. "But you know, I think that's what I like about you, what I've always liked. You have real spunk, you're so free and rebellious. Ever since I was a Marauder… I wanted to be like that, too. I guess you really are good for me, in away… But the thing was, you see, ever since I was a Marauder… see, I was a werewolf, so I always felt… so caged, even when I wasn't. So rejected, even when I had them…"

"Oh, Remus…" said James, and now Remus caught the sad look in his eyes too.

"Sorry, James."

"No, don't apologise…"

Remus turned back to Tonks. "I guess the reason I loved you… was out of something bigger than love, something so much better. Hope. The hope that you could make me whole."

And there it was, the damn honest truth, the thing he had been running from for the last two years. He felt bad for Severus; if hope was the reason he loved Tonks, then was his love for Severus just Remus giving up on himself? No, there was something more there, he could feel it… Real love, not just insecurity… No matter how messed up his soul was, there was just simply no way for that.

Hope…

…And understanding.

Two things. Both essential for living, both essential for happiness. Tonks and Severus… were the two embodiments of that life. Did he really have to choose?

"Oh, Remus…" said Tonks, running forward into his arms. "I love you too…"

Apparently so.

"Oh, would you stop all that?" Salazar complained.

Remus rolled his eyes in relief. _Thank Merlin..._

"I didn't do all this for you! Any of you! I am led by the man himself! Merlin!"

Tonks pulled away from Remus to look at Slytherin in shock. "Merlin? What's he got to do with it? He's good..."

"You people today..." said Slytherin, "completely lost touch with our magical roots. You don't know what Merlin is really famous for, do you?"

"Of course I do!" said Tonks.

"Merlin," said Slytherin, "is the only one besides the Dementors that occupy both worlds at the same time. The once and future king, that's who he's waiting for. I don't think you know this yet, but Arthur's not in either world, he's somewhere else. And when he comes back... The Dementors are Merlin's great enemy, the only ones that can lead Arthur off the path he was destined for..."

"Destined...? What does that have to do with you?"

"Oh, it's nothing to do with me," said Slytherin. "It's what he represents. Him and Arthur. Me and Gryffindor." He turned to Remus. "You and Snape." He looked back at Tonks. "You don't belong with him any more than Morgan Le Fey belonged to Arthur. The sooner you face that, the happier you'll be.

"Here's the real point. What made him famous. The Order of Merlin isn't just some awards system. It's a cult. Hundreds of years ago, before even we were born, it was founded based upon the search for Merlin. As a being thought then to be dead, he told men of the afterlife. Those fires you suffer from heart break or losing your soul were misinterpreted as hellfire, which only encouraged the Christians running away into Europe at the time.

"He died in the 400s, but he came back in my time. I met him myself, and he proved himself... worthy of my House," said Slytherin. "Of course, that, like anything else, was transformed into rumour that I taught him at Hogwarts, a full five hundred years after he lived... But of course, back then, his Muggle organisation, the Order of Merlin, stood against all that I believed in..."

"You never change," hacked Gryffindor.

"But what do you mean?" said Tonks. "What do you mean, believed in?"

"Yeah, and are you saying Merlin was really a Slytherin?" said James.

"You know well what Voldemort has done in my name," said Slytherin, "but I am far beyond caring what those Muggle-borns are doing. I have lived for over a thousand years; do you really think I care anymore?"

He now turned fully to James. "And Merlin will always be a Slytherin. You were Sorted into my friend's House by a Hat. But Merlin was sorted by me personally. You can't get any more official than that."

"So what's the point in all this?" asked Tonks.

"The point," he said finally, turning back to her, "is --"

"Wait, you can see her?" interrupted James again.

"We are all connected," explained Remus. "She isn't invisible to any of us. Or... so I'm guessing."

"That's right," said Gryffindor. "I can see her too. That must be it."

"The point," picked up Slytherin again, "is that Merlin, is the one that created this thread in the first place. He made physical what was once immaterial. All because of his Great Answer. Dumbledore is an eager student of his, if not directly. Practically a fawning fan... I think you can guess what it is."

"The Power of Love," said Remus and Tonks together.

"Yes," said Slytherin. "His great Power of Love... I am the proponent of something much greater than that. My Power is of Self, the soul... The greatest power in the world. It wasn't something my heir understood. It's much greater than wants and needs... it's much greater than ruling over lesser individuals..." He spared a glance for Gryffindor, as though he'd forgotten he was there. "My Power of Self is of a wholeness... The exact thing, it seems, you've been looking for all your life, Remus..."

"What does this have to do with me?" barked Gryffindor. "Why have you bound me like this?"

"Are you saying," said Remus, "that you and Merlin...?"

"Created the strings of heart and soul? Yes, in a way," said Slytherin. When Remus continued to stare, he continued, "What, did you think they were created by some more ancient deities of Destiny --"

"You've mentioned destiny before," said Remus. "What do you mean by it?"

"What do you think the pink string represents? It is the combination of both mine and Merlin's efforts. That's what destiny is... Heart and Soul, Love and Self, combined into the ultimate power of creation."

"Creation of what?"

"I don't need the pink string to undo my friend -- Or so you keep telling me, Godric, but what have we truly been to each other this past millenia but a squabbling pair?"

"If I may say so, friends don't try to control friends --" said Tonks.

"But haven't I made it clear! This isn't about control! If I cared about that, perhaps I would use Merlin's power of love to sway my friend, Godric Gryffindor. All I plan to do is trap him in me, and make him finally realise what I've said all along..."

"Which is what?" said Gryffindor.

"Oh, you should know!" cried Slytherin. "That nobody else is worth trusting but each other! That's all I ever wanted from you, Godric, a little loyalty! Given your nature, it shouldn't be so much to ask!"

"A little loyalty?" repeated Gryffindor, "You're a madman, Salazar, why would I ever trust you again?"

"Well, not for love, I won't tell you that," said Slytherin. He frowned when Gryffindor glared back. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to guess? No? Well, I'm disappointed, but I'll tell you... You should trust me because you know that without me, there's a gap in your being. The world knows you only as noble, but I've seen your darker side. Tell me you don't think I have come to embody you over the years, and you me. Tell me that's not why you shun me... so you don't have to face that side of yourself..."

Remus felt his stomach drop. Somewhere in his mind, he wondered... Had he done the exact same thing to Severus? Both had once shunned the other one for fear of what they were becoming. No, mutual understanding was no excuse for letting himself grow that dark, of finally losing control of the monster inside him. Even with the roles reversed, when Severus had turned to the light that Remus provided, that was no excuse. Because now Severus was in hospital, burning over him. And here was Remus, apart from him in order to exact revenge.

Severus had been right all along about one thing. Love wasn't about deserving it, it was a game. And he had lost it; he had lost the game.

Even now, his soul felt weak. Severus had his heart. But was there a big difference between that and his soul? By now, it became apparent to Remus that the connection wasn't about having your whole heart or soul fully within yourself... it was about sharing it with someone else. Right now, he felt even less himself than he usually did... Was Severus more himself than Remus was?

No, they shared hearts, not souls, from the very beginning... So did Tonks.  _Then again..._ Remus reconsidered, _Had my soul been whole from the start? What happened to it? And goddamn it, what the hell has Severus done to my heart?_

Remus looked up. Gryffindor was now yelling at Slytherin, gruffly preening, and with a jolt, Remus suddenly remembered why they had come in the first place.

"Oy!" cried Remus. "We didn't come here to settle your little domestic! We came here," cried Remus, his nerves suddenly alight with fury as he stamped forward, "because you," he accused Slytherin, jabbing a finger at him, "have been fucking us around!"

"Hey! Yeah!" cried Tonks.

"What do you plan to do about it?" challenged Slytherin.

Remus stood toe to toe with him. "Just you wait."

"Why wait?" smirked Slytherin.

Remus snatched the string in the other man's chest. "Perhaps it's time to turn the tables." He began pulling, forcing screams out of Slytherin.

"Remus, no --" cried Tonks.

The string would barely give as it was; it was like pulling teeth. Soon, it didn't come to matter anyway. Gryffindor overpowered him and pulled him off Slytherin, knocking him to the floor.

Remus chuckled darkly. "Not exactly the pride of my House, am I?"

"No, you're not," said Gryffindor, glaring down at him. "But never let it be said you are not my kin."

"Kin," repeated Remus. "The only man I feel like kin to right now is Severus. He is the only reason I am here. Perhaps he's the reason I feel like this right now. It's so dark..."

Tonks rushed to his side on the ground, and Remus allowed her to guide him to sit up further. "Remus..." she said. "I'm here..." she choked, crying a little.

A hand came down on his opposite shoulder, and he turned to see James there, watching him. "This isn't you, Remus, you know it's not..." he said. "You aren't bitter like this, not even at the worst of times. I know I said I would fight with you... But right now, I couldn't feel less like it. You're sick, Remus," James told him, more with concern than malice.

"Please, Remus, let's just go home..." said Tonks.

Remus nodded in agreement and let them carry him off.

 

 

"I'm really concerned about Remus," said James. "He went crazy this afternoon."

"So he really tried to yank it out of him?" said Sirius.

"Yes --"  

"Go Moony!" he cheered.

"Sirius, that's not funny," frowned James. "You know that isn't like him."

"Good! He's finally standing up for himself!"

"This isn't just about standing up for yourself," said Tonks seriously. "This goes beyond that. This was Remus being cruel --"

"You trying to say something there?" snapped Sirius.

"Look, we all know that James saved Sev's life all those years ago, and we now know that you are the reason he needed to in the first place," said Lily before Sirius could retort, "And that doesn't mean we blame you. But you had a darkness in you back then, and you didn't think. We have all forgiven you for that mistake. Certainly we ought to if we can forgive Severus what he's done."

"I haven't forgiven him."

"Haven't you?" she said. "Then why have you put up with him for so long?"

"I wouldn't go as far as to say that..." said James.

Lily turned to her husband. "He has, James. He may not get along with Sev, but at least he didn't do anything against him while he was in the Order of the Phoenix. At least he trusted him enough not to betray us."

"And look how that turned out," added Sirius.

"I don't blame him," said Lily.

"You know, I don't think Remus would appreciate us talking about him behind his back," said Tonks. "And since I am the only one here who's actually in love with him..."

"Then you can always go to him, and tell him what we said," suggested Lily. "We give you full permission."

"Right," Tonks said. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Sorry. I'm gonna go talk to him."

She made her way down the hall away from them, the sterile white walls far around her. She sighed again as she finally arrived at Remus' room and came to his bedside.

She placed a hand over his, a gentle smile on her face. "Whatever you did, it worked," said Tonks. "At least they can see me again. It feels we're just around and around on this roller coaster. You know... It feels like we're always making these huge, final gestures which only leads into the same old patterns. It never ends..."

"I know," he said. "I just really wish it would. I sometimes feel like maybe I still have the wolf in me. I know I don't, but it still feels the same. Maybe I lived with it for so long... that even without it... Maybe that's what's missing in me. Maybe I lived with it so long that I feel like I belong to it now. Maybe that's why I did what I did."

"No, Remus," said Tonks, "You don't belong to the wolf. You belong to me."

Remus grinned. "Right. Of course, how could I forget?" he said. He frowned. "Where's Sirius? Where are the others?"

"You want to see your ex?"

"You... know...?" said Remus.

"Yes, I know," said Tonks. "We've all been gathered in the hospital for a while now, just talking about you..."

As she started telling Remus of all the things they'd talked about out in the hallway, vaguely imagining Severus' face as she talked about what they'd said about him, but she tried to ignore it. No matter what, though, the image stuck. She couldn't get rid of him, the largest burden on her heart.

"Wait," Remus finally said, as she was winding out her story, "why are you all in the hallway? Why are you the only one here?"

"Well, technically, we're not supposed to see you yet. It's not, strictly speaking, visiting hours..."

Remus burst out laughing. "I can't believe Sirius and James haven't tried that yet! I think you might just have out-marauded the Marauders!"

"I just thought of it first," said Tonks, smiling. "I barely think I've outdone them."

Remus, grinning, just shook his head at her. "Sirius won't be pleased, at any rate, that he didn't think of it."

"Why Sirius?" asked Tonks. "Why ask to see him? Aren't I enough?"

"Oh no, no..." said Remus, "it's just that... I haven't spoken to him in a while... and..." he hesitated. "There's something important I need to ask him..."

"Important?" asked Tonks. "Why don't you ask me, and I'll pass along the message?"

Remus exhaled, hesitating.

"What's wrong, Remus? Don't you trust me?"

"Well..." breathed Remus.

"Of course he doesn't trust you," murmured Severus. "You've proven yourself capable of blurting his secrets..."

"Secrets?" Tonks snapped, flicking her head in shock at Severus, not realising he was awake. "I hardly think our relationship --"

"You don't know anything, do you?"

Tonks jumped to her feet, glaring at him. "I am an Auror! I know a lot that you don't, Snape!"

"I could say the same about myself with Remus."

"Remus?" she cried. "You think you know more--?"

"I know I do."

"Prove it! What is he talking about?" she cried, turning to Remus.

Severus turned from Tonks to Remus. For several moments, he just stared. Then he looked back at Tonks.

"Well?" she demanded.

"He's confused about you. That's why he needs Black."

Tonks frowned at him, and turned to Remus. "Remus, is this true?"

Remus gaped at her, then stared helplessly at Severus. "Why?" he mouthed. "How did you know?" he said instead.

"Oh Merlin, it _is_ true... Remus..." said Tonks, "why? What's changed?"

"Back at Hogwarts..." said Remus, "I started wondering... why I loved you..."

"You told me why you loved me; you said I give you hope!"

"Exactly. That's exactly the problem. Is love supposed to do that? That's what Sirius did for me, don't you see? That what the Marauders did. It might be love, of a sort... but true love, love of two hearts? No, that isn't Merlin's love. To be honest, I just sort of started wondering if you were just good for my soul, not my heart. No matter what Slytherin says... love is the greatest power...

"I don't want time to ever erase his voice," said Remus, lovingly watching Severus, "I have lived through many voices, have had many people go in and out of my life, and even though they were friends, that was okay. But his... somehow hurts, the absence of it. I can't even think... I don't want to know... a world without him. I did, for a long time, and that was a pain I got used to. Maybe there's nothing wrong, though, with wanting someone to hold..."

Remus looked over at Severus, still burning, then back at Tonks. "So I had you, someone to hold. But now I wonder... is it enough? I don't know. I wonder... if it even really matters anymore. The fact that I can't touch him. He's here, and that gives me comfort. We can talk, we can see each other. Maybe that's enough for me; just simple companionship, maybe that's all I need. All I ever needed..."

"I'll get Sirius," said Tonks. "But believe me, Remus..." She was firm, crying now, an fierce edge to her gaze, "this isn't over. Between us... I can't..."

"I understand."

Without another word, she was out of the room.

When she returned to the group, they barely noticed her. She walked straight up to her cousin. "Remus... wants to see you," she said.

"Remus? How would you..." He smirked. "Oh, you didn't!"

"He wants to talk to you," she smirked back through her clouded eyes.

Lily walked up to them. "Tonks, are you alright? You've been crying, haven't you? I can come too, if you need me to..."

Tonks wiped at her face. "Thanks," she said.

They walked back to Remus' room, briefly getting stopped by the staff. Tonks felt fortunate to have Sirius there; he told the best lies.

"So, Remus has doubts?" said Sirius conversationally as they walked on. "Watch out, cousin, I might still have a chance with him. Remus has always tried to hide who he was; it's no wonder he chose you. Consolation prize over me."

"Do you really think so highly of yourself?"

"You know me," grinned Sirius.

"I thought you told me you were over Remus."

"I lied, didn't I?" said Sirius. "I just know when I'm not wanted, unlike some people I know."

"You think I'm being hopeless?" cried Tonks.

"No, of course not," said Sirius. "I think he's being hopeless. I mean, really, Severus Snape?" He walked into the room now, followed by Tonks and Lily. He glared now at Severus. "The man's pathetic. As if Remus really loves him."

"Sirius," said Remus, and Sirius turned to him with a grin. "Stop it."

"Remus," he said, "you called for a real man?"

"Severus is a real man. Don't act jealous," said Remus.

"Jealous? Of him?"

"Yes," grinned Remus. Then with trembling lips, he tried to frown. "Sirius."

"Look at you," said Sirius, "so happy to see me, you're trembling."

Remus eyebrows pulled together as his eyes turned stern and truly serious, even as his mouth kept its grin. "I'm not -- it's not like that, Sirius. I just, it's just... I loved you once. I really did."

"Well, if you're having doubts, it's a good thing we brought Lily. She's Snape's ex --"

"I'm not Snape's ex --"

"And _I'm_ the one who's in doubt," he retorted.

"What is Lily doing here?" said Remus.

"To support me," said Tonks.

"I'm sorry, Tonks..." said Remus.

Tonks gave a fake smile. "Don't worry about me," she said. "You just have to figure out yourself right now."

Remus looked to Severus now.

"What did you mean by that, Severus?" he said out loud. "I know I love her," Remus replied after another pause. "But I know I love you too, and that's the only thing that matters to me now... What do you mean, you think I'm being selfish? I'm just confused, Severus --

 _Of course you are. Because you always were, weren't you? Convincing yourself you loved Lily when we were children? Still convincing yourself you love Tonks now,_ replied Severus.

"Aren't I just figuring that out now?" said Remus. "For you?"

"You could say it's for me," Severus argued out loud. "But I know it's just for you."

"Severus --"

"What did you want to ask me, Remus?" asked Sirius, cutting across them impatiently.

Remus took a breath. "I loved you," he continued. "Not like Severus, but I did," he told Sirius, then looked at Severus, "I don't think I could love anyone like I love Severus..." He turned back to Sirius. "I think I realised when we were dating that I was dating you because you gave me hope, hope that I could be a better man, and I loved you for it, honestly. I thought that hope _was_ love. But when I broke up with you, it was because I found out it wasn't enough. I discovered that hope and love are two separate emotions.

"Sirius, old friend... am I repeating my mistakes?" asked Remus, his eyes pleading. "Is Tonks...?"

Tonks frowned. "He answered that outside," she said.

"What was the answer?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's it then --"

"Bullshit!" said Tonks.

"What?"

"Do you think you're the only one who gives the other hope? Do you really think they're separate? Remus Lupin, you idiot! You really don't know anything, do you?"

Remus blinked. "What?" he repeated.

"I was ghosting, Remus," said Tonks, "back there, in the living world, for a whole year before I died… I know I hadn't crossed over, but I felt you, I felt my life meant nothing without you. A connection, the ghost of a string, connected… but cut off. That's what you did to me, Remus. Nothing will ever erase that. I had a new life, and you took it away. A new life, a new heart… one that called to you. Isn't that like hope? That's what you gave me, so don't you tell me it's separate. Don't I make you feel hope? Doesn't my love change you?"

Remus looked with shock at Tonks, then at Sirius.

"Yes…" he said, eyes going back to Tonks as he came out of his stupour, "of course, it does. It… yes."

"What does it do to you, Remus?"

"Oh, you don't need to…"

"No, I do, I really do need to hear it, Remus, I need to know if it exists. Once and for all. I need to know you're not just trying to keep your distance like you do everyone else. Don't try to keep the peace for once; make me understand. Tell me the truth."

"The truth?" said Remus. "I… Didn't you know that already? Didn't we find it?"

"If only it was that simple," said Tonks. "All that we did was magic. There are no answers in magic, only intentions."

"Right. Well…" said Remus.

"Oh, spit it out already!"

"I'm not always relying on you..." said Remus, "not just... I don't need you, Tonks. I want you... I cling to you because, even though I haven't in the past, I actually do want you around... Maybe I do need you. But I..."

He looked apologetically at Severus. "You made me happy. And that was important, I felt that was more important in the end... than making me sad, which..." _didn't feel right. It wasn't the real measure of love._ Had that been all that Severus was to him, though? There were plenty of times...

"That's no measure of love..."

"It was enough for me," murmured Severus.

Remus studied Severus, feeling sorry for him and all the things unsaid in that one comment, his whole sad life and their whole sad, tumultuous story, but Tonks was already smiling at him, so he reluctantly looked at her instead.

"I love you too," she said, as if that settled it.

The conversation drifted off into small talk after that, which neither Remus or Severus seemed to listen to. They didn't see the way the flames danced on Severus' skin as Remus had watched fires in life. As alive as his fires were, though, Remus could see that they were fading ever so slightly.

Severus gripped his fists. While they all talked, Remus could see Severus was going through a struggle all his own, and those last words came back to him again. _It was enough for me..._

 _I have loved and I have lost,_ thought Remus, _I have always known I could only rely on heartbreak to truly know..._ But it wasn't true. Even as Remus told himself that, he knew he was lying to himself. He had loved and lost. He knew what it was like. He knew that sharp, dulling ache that consumed the mind. Perhaps that's where all this was coming from, that's why he read Severus like that.

_I have loved and lost..._

But what about him? What about Remus? It seemed that Severus would soon answer that. After Sirius and Lily were gone, he barely seemed able to control himself. Of course, he rarely was, these days.

Severus stood up, out of his bed, the darkness of his countenance barely able to deny his new strength, even as he dragged his weight almost unbearably heavy, and approached Remus.

"Do you really think it's that simple to get rid of me?" he demanded. "I will be not be got rid of just because you choose to rely on _her_ happiness. Happiness has no meaning in it. I love you," he said, sounding angry. "And after all this time, you're going to question that? I would do anything for you. I want you to be happy, but you do not get to be selfish --"

"Hey!" said Tonks. "He's not selfish, you are!"

"Am I?" he mocked her. "What does that make you then? I love you," he repeated to Remus. "And you know it. Are you going to let her bully you, still? You know what you want."

"I want you," said Remus, blinded by his face as it swam before her, strong and in love and so committed. It impressed Remus, it was all he could see. Severus smirked at his answer, even grinned.

"No," protested Tonks, "you want me!"

"He told you what you wanted to hear. He meant me." That voice. So demanding. Remus had to obey.

"No, he didn't! Remus, tell him!"

Remus remained silent. Severus stared with smug, dark eyes, standing determined. The truth hung in the air.

Then a memory occurred to Remus.  _He buried a hand in her short hair._  "Remus? Talk to me." He looked at her. He ran a thumb gently across her blonde strands. "No," he admitted. "It isn't you. There will always be a place in my heart for you, just as there in for Lily in his. Perhaps they would even share our connection if their deaths were not so far apart. Yes, there is a part of me that will always love you. But it's time to let you go, too."

Finally, he took up her lips. They were soft, and warm, and satisfying, somehow. Just the fact that it was her... made it better somehow. He didn't mind, so much. He kept his lips tender. He couldn't stand much more than that. He felt he should pull away... but he wanted to stroke her face. He wanted to stay here in her warm embrace.

He finally broke away. His eyes drifted to Snape. "I'm sorry, Tonks."

"No!" she snapped. "No..."

"I'm truly sorry."

"If you were really sorry, you'd be honest with me, instead of trying to push me away again! Don't you see -- I love you!"

"And I love you too," said Remus. "But I'm sorry. I can't love you the way I'm supposed to. I'll always love you with my soul. But I can't love you with my heart."

When he looked back over to Severus, with love in his eyes, he couldn't see an ember of flame, just jet black. He smiled at Severus, proud and in love. Tonks ran from the room.

"It's about time you came to your senses."

"Likewise. So what do we do now?" asked Remus.

Severus eyed the door. "Take back what is ours."

[End Chapter]


	11. Restitution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slytherin reveals his motives for targeting them; he's in love with Godric Gryffindor.

Before Remus was finally admitted out of the hospital with Snape, they had to have one more session; like a spring cleaning of his soul. He confessed himself utterly and wholly to Snape, and he accepted it.

As they finally walked out together, they were now together. And determined to bring down those who would tear them apart. They held each other's hands. In the next moment, they had Disapparated.

They appeared at the gates of Hogwarts. "Time to find out what's going on at Hogwarts, once and for all," said Remus.

They broke in through the gates and started walking.

 

 

"Do you remember this, Severus?"

Remus brought his attention to a scratched out scrawl in the corner of a desk. It had the inscription 'R+S' hidden in a tiny heart. "Don't you remember?" Remus said. "1974. A week before our little adventure to the Shack --"

"We are here to find Slytherin," said Severus.

"And where do you suggest we start?" asked Remus. "The Chamber of Secrets?"

"The Chamber Harry Potter opened the year before you arrived at Hogwarts?" Severus said. "Neither of us speaks Parseltongue."

"Slytherin does."

"But if he's inside --"

"We'd better hope he's not, then."

Left with no other choice, they headed for the stairs. The second floor bathroom was only one floor down. They walked in to find the entrance to the Chamber was already open.

"You first," said Remus.

Severus stepped up to the Chamber urgently, worried that any moment it could close. Looking down into its dark depths, he couldn't hesitate. He jumped.

Remus, rushing forward, fearfully peered after him. He took a deep breath, and jumped after him, the determined Gryffindor who only wanted to protect his... who only wanted to protect Severus.

The passage eased in from a pit to a slide, clouds of dirt rising out of his rough landing, straining Remus' breathing for several seconds. When it cleared, he caught Severus' silhouette, then his hair and robes, through the darkness.

"He's been through here," said Severus, stating the obvious.

"What happens at the end of the Chamber?" asked Remus.

"We'll just have to find that out for ourselves," said Severus. "Assuming we do."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"There is still an antechamber along through here. You weren't here then, but Potter described it to the rest of the staff at the end of the year before you came."

"Why was I never told?" asked Remus.

"Indeed, it might have been prudent if you had been told," Snape said, "although considering you only taught for a year --"

"You didn't know that at the time!" said Remus.

"We all knew that, Remus," said Severus. "We can argue about this later, but right now --"

"No!" said Remus. "I want to discuss this right here, right now!"

"Remus, don't be a fool!" he cried, standing.

Remus matched the motion. "A fool! That's rich, coming from you -- threatening Sirius because of a schoolboy grudge, lying sick in the hospital over me --"

"DON'T YOU DARE," barked Snape, "DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME FOR THAT!" Severus charged forward, grasping at Remus' coat, pulling him up close. "Do you really think it was merely a grudge? How can you judge me for loving you?" he spat.

"Oh, Severus..." Remus' eyes had grown dark with sympathy and regret. "Please... I'm sorry..."

"No," said Severus harshly, hard eyes staring back at Remus. "How could you condemn like that, when it was all for you?"

"I know, Severus, I'm sorry --"

"You don't know!" snapped Severus, "You have no idea! Do you know that the day your friend used my own spell against me, the day I drove Lily away, it was all because of you? Ever since my first year at that school, I never stopped loving you, I never stopped wanting to be near you. I was only there because you were, only wanted you to be there in my view, even if you had nothing to do with me then. How could I not, after everything? How dare you judge me like that."

"You were there because of me?"

"I'm not that vacant, Remus. I knew exactly what I was doing. That whole scene was my fault --"

"No," said Remus, "don't say that --"

"No," said Slytherin, "please do go on..."

The attention of both men were automatically drawn to dark man at the far end of the chamber. Slytherin's expression now turned serious. "What are you doing here?"

Severus stepped towards Slytherin, carefully guarding Remus by stepping in front of him as he faced the man. "Times have changed," said Slytherin. "I have changed with them. You thought I was incapable of change?"

"Considering your infidelities against muggles? That's exactly what I expected."

"You two were once like me," said Slytherin. "Have you not changed your mind?"

Severus tensed. "Yes, I have. Long ago."

"So have I," said Slytherin. "You don't think I've not been keeping an eye on what I've left behind either?" he said, glancing briefly at Remus. "Hogwarts, the Sorting Hat, my Heir... the Shrieking Shack..." Now he was glaring at Remus.

"You didn't --?"

Slytherin's eyes snapped back to Severus. "I didn't really stick around..."

"But -- the Shrieking Shack had nothing to do with you! It was built for me, just like the Whomping Willow!"

He turned his gaze fully onto Remus. "Hogwarts is mine," said Slytherin. "The very night you came to my school, I've kept my eye on you. You were a creature that was never meant to know the gifts of Hogwarts. That fool Dumbledore broke tradition --"

"What are you saying?" said Remus. "That I'm a rival?"

"Nothing so personal," said Slytherin. Now his gaze shifted back to Severus. "But I knew from the start what you were, and that was not something..." he looked back to Remus, "that I could tolerate."

"Looks like you and Severus had that in common."

"What did you know of my life?" Severus ordered Slytherin.

Slytherin gazed at him. "I haven't forgotten, Snape," he said. "I know what they didn't the reason you were together, you and your ex. Why you were so infatuated with _her_."

"What are you talking about?" said Remus. "Severus, what is he talking about?"

Severus glared at Slytherin, flashing Remus a look. "Don't," he said.

"You're the one who asked, Snape."

"You don't really want to cross me, Slytherin."

"Did something happen between you and Lily?"

"No --"

"Don't lie to me, Severus."

"Remus --"

"No," said Remus, "no, don't worry about it, Severus..." he said, but there was pain floating wrenchingly on the surface of his eyes. "It's in the past."

"It's not in the past, nothing is ever in the past for us," said Severus. "Is it...?"

"No," said Remus, laughing bitterly, "no of course not. You've said it all along. You love her --"

"No! Remus, I love you --"

"Not more than you love her! Just admit it!"

"No --"

"Admit it!"

"Well," smirked Slytherin, "trouble in paradise?"

Severus shot him his most withering glare, before focusing his gaze fully on Remus, covering his heart with his hand. "I never belonged to her, and you know it. I have no hesitations about who I want, and I want you. You are mine."

Remus turned eyes up to Severus. "How can I know that?"

"The string in your chest," he said. "It's your proof."

"Oh come on," said Remus. "Call it what it really is."

"It's a string --"

"But it's more than that, too. You know it is, so why don't you acknowledge it?"

"I don't need to --"

"You do if you want me stay."

"You don't mean that --"

"Yes, I do," said Remus, and for a moment, Severus thought he meant it.

"It's our heart," he said. "Worn on our sleeve," he added hatefully.

"Was that so hard?"

"As touching as this all is," sneered Slytherin, "what are either of you doing here?"

Severus stood up Slytherin again, blocking Remus from the other side now. "What business do you have in either of our lives? How dare you toy with our lives, and our very souls?"

"Oh, but it's not just that," said Slytherin. "Don't think that I'm targetting you personally, although, I suspect, you both have your own roles to play in our history yourselves. Like me, like Merlin. Like Dumbledore."

"What do we have to do with any of it?" said Remus.

"Well, think about it," he said, bending around Severus to look him in the eyes. "You said yourself that the Willow, the Shrieking Shack, are only there because of you. Legends of the school, in their own right. If you can bring out legends just for survival, what happens when you're fighting for something greater?"

"Those weren't really mine, though, they were Dumbledore's. He did it for me --"

"Exactly. He did it for you."

"So what are you saying, that all this is to release my potential?"

"Look at who you're talking to. I'm Salazar Slytherin, boy!"

"I'm not a boy --"

"He's a man," Severus said, blocking Remus more fully from his House founder and glaring him in the eyes. "No more, now. Not your hated werewolf."

"Do you think I'm the enemy?" Slytherin demanded Severus. "That I'm the villian and Godric's the hero? Have you really convinced yourself you're like them, a Gryffindor?"

"Dumbledore would love that," said Severus. "But I've always known who I am."

"A villian? Unhealthy?"

Severus stood stricken, stiffly glaring. "However unhealthy," he said, "I'm a Slytherin, and I'm still proud of that. Not even you can talk me out of it."

"Why would I do that?" said Slytherin. "We're kin, aren't we? And by the way, if he's such a man, why do you presume to treat him like a boy! I mean, look at you! Hiding him like a child!"

Severus shifted to the right, slowly, reluctantly, second-guessing himself. Severus was silent.

"Severus? I was a teenage werewolf, I understand --"

But Severus wasn't in the mood for Remus' talks right now. He was glaring Slytherin straight in the face, his body still very much in protective mode.

"Oh yes, the no-nonsense protector," said Slytherin. "Surely you don't resent me, your own House founder?"

"I know first-hand what men can do to each other, whether good or evil, wizard or muggle," said Severus, his voice weighted and careful.

"I'm not evil, you know that. I'm just willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want. What I need, in fact."

"What you need," said Severus, "is to leave us in peace before I tear open the Veil and throw you into it."

"Severus! You can't do that!"

"I can and I will," said Severus. "I'll do whatever it takes to rid you from our lives forever," he said, not looking at Remus at all, speaking as though it was Slytherin who had spoken.

"But aren't you so tired? Aren't you at the bottom?"

"I've never felt stronger," Remus growled beside Severus. "We don't need to tear the fabric of existence for him. All we need to do is turn Gryffindor against him!"

"You forget, I've already been there," said Slytherin. "I've been to hell and back over him, and I would do it again."

"What makes him so special?"

"What makes yours so special?" retorted Slytherin.

Severus glared at him. "Then you are the same as me. You do feel that way for --"

"No!" shot Slytherin.

"I've only just been reborn--" said Slytherin.

"--and so has Remus," said Severus, "We have lived for thirty years, and we were both old before our time. But here, we're alive again. So where does that life go?"

"I've lived here for hundreds of years. You get wise, then you get old. Your body never ages but your soul gets stretched," said Slytherin, "my greatest gift, and time tears at it. I need to hold onto it, or I'll be cursed to live only half a life. You're a Slytherin too, Snape. When that day comes, what will you do about it? You'll do exactly what I did. Don't deny it."

"You still have a heart," said Remus. "Love doesn't grow old --"

"Love is foolish!" barked Slytherin, suddenly turning on the former werewolf. "Love does nothing but tear you apart! It's no more reliable than the soul... But at least the soul preserves your dignity..."

Severus examined Slytherin's eyes searchingly. "You talk a lot of not being a villian," he said, "and Gryffindor not a hero. What did he do to you?"

"You don't have to be broken-hearted to walk away from it," said Slytherin. "Sometimes it just makes you sick. That's all love does in the end anyway, doesn't it? It'll do the same to you too, and you know it. It already has; how long have you just spent in the hospital? Sometimes it doesn't grow you, sometimes it even stunts you. And it doesn't matter who it is, if he's the love of your life or not. If you live to a hundred or two, it always gets you in the end, makes you sick. It always pervades into your soul. I'm sure it's happened to Merlin, too. That's why I always strived to keep it pure, all my life."

"What does blood purity have to do with soul purity?" demanded Severus.

"Does this mean you're admitting that you really loved Gryffindor?" said Remus.

"All our secrets, all our little plans. Everyone has secrets, anyway, don't they? Dumbledore had them with Grindelwald, and so did I with Godric."

"What do you know of Dumbledore?" said Severus.

"Every age... There's always one, isn't there? Godric and I, Dumbledore and Grindelwald... you and Lupin... You want to know what I know about Dumbledore? What I know is that, even after all those years, even after everything he did for the muggles, there's always been a part of him, always one dirty part of him, that still clung to the idea that he and Grindelwald were meant to be. Just like you, just like I... Their little plans, of ruling them, he never let them go, either. Oh, sure, he's taken his actions to keep himself from it, but he's never really let go. Because that was one part of him that's always attached to Grindelwald, and that's one thing Dumbledore could never let go of, even after all his years...

"He was a fool. Don't you ever wish you had never loved? Don't you want your freedom?"

"If you want that, you've never been in love, after all..." said Remus, his gaze drifting across to Severus.

"Why are you even down here?" said Severus, avoiding Remus' gaze after a moment.

"I was just waiting for the right man to grant me the right ingredient... Snape is an expert at compartmentalising his emotions, but even he hasn't managed to keep his heart and soul separate."

Remus looked again at Severus with a furrowed brow. "Are you saying...?" Remus asked Slytherin, "All this time, I've called myself unwhole. Am I whole, have I been this whole time? Are you saying I'm the one..."

"It's different," Severus said. "Bodies and souls..."

"But bodies are souls in this world!" said Slytherin.

"Then it's true," said Remus. "I've been whole this entire time. I was so used to..." He looked to Severus. "But you, you're whole too."

"He burned," said Slytherin. "He never split his soul like Voldemort, but the unwhole soul burns where it tears."

"So I'm not whole..." said Remus. "I've burned too."

"You don't owe him anything," said Severus with malice, which he turned on Slytherin. "It's him that has to pay for what he's done, and you will pay for them to my last!" he shouted, stabbing a finger at his own House founder.

"It'd do no good to turn against me, Snape," said Slytherin. "We're almost brothers."

"We are not brothers --"

"Don't you think we ought to be? Severus Snape and Salazar Slytherin... With that dog at your heels --"

Severus marched forwards furiously, grappling with Slytherin. "If you ever speak about Remus like that again," he growled, "I will not be held responsible for my actions..."

"Oh, Snape," Slytherin sneered. "Do we really have play this little feud? You're a potions master, you must know all about gathering rare ingredients. I know you do, and you can help me... Perhaps in your youth you lusted for power like I did, didn't you? But it just gets old after a while, doesn't it? Your priorities change. There's always something more than power to be found."

"More than power...?" said Remus.

"Oh, you know it," said Slytherin, looking at him over Severus' shoulder. "You both do..."

"What are you suggesting, Slytherin?"

"There is dignity in power. We're no fools, like those Gryffindors," he said, glaring at Remus.

"What about your Gryffindor?" said Severus.

"Oh, I care for Godric, certainly," admitted Slytherin, looking unthreatened under Severus' grip, "but he has no concept for true justice."

"True justice," repeated Remus. "Like your brand of justice, for example?" he asked cynically.

Slytherin grinned. "Exactly."

Severus tightened his grip as his face turned dark. Slytherin took their dropped guards as an opportunity, and soon a series of ugly hisses began issuing from his throat, bringing Severus and Remus another moment of confusion until Severus attacked Slytherin in realisation. Their real mistake was coming here unarmed.

"Stop it!" he cried. "Stop talking right now!" he said, shaking him violently, but Slytherin continued to call the black ghost of his snake from within the Chamber. Severus finally ripped his hands from Slytherin and let out another punch at Slytherin's jaw. The hisses crescendoed furiously --

He gazed regretfully back at Remus, hoping that he could ever forgive him. Even now, he didn't know for sure, and he was by no means reassured by Remus' expression, both hard with grim anticipation and at the same time hurt and fearful.

The ghost's hiss warned them seconds before it's arrival, and their eyes flew behind arms and eyelids. "Remus!" cried Severus. "Close your eyes!"

"I was Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher before you were, remember?" Remus retorted.

Severus pushed away from Slytherin and ran to the adjacent wall with Remus. "And you were rubbish!" Severus turned from Remus, and cried, "Slytherin!" rounding on the man across the room, eyes still squeezed shut. "Stop this!"

"Oh, open your eyes! You're dead, remember!"

Shocked, his eyes snapped open. Big, yellow eyes bared down on him from above, furiously.

"Oh Merlin, open your eyes, Remus!"

Growling, Remus stood automatically in front of Severus, arms spread wide open, with his fists clenched anxiously. For the first time, Remus was met face to face with the Basilisk, eye to eye. For the first time, he saw into the eyes of the Basilisk and knew what it was in them that overwhelmed a physical body to the point of death. Even now, conscious as he was upon the sight, he was absolutely locked in to his soul-body, unable to move, unable, almost, to think. There was something haunting in those eyes, something poisonous, something deadly, attacking the very soul itself.

Even now, in the corner of his eye, he could feel his very body wavering on the edge of existence. If he or Severus were any normal souls, he probably would've already slipped through. But they were still standing here, and that meant something. There were still standing here, because they had the power of love.

Dumbledore had been right all along. So had Merlin. Love really was the greatest power. And Slytherin had to know this.

Remus closed his eyes. He could already feel his body grow more solid, could already feel it repairing itself without the restrictions of a physical body locking down the reparations.

"Severus," Remus whispered after a couple of seconds. "Severus, close your eyes."

It took several seconds before Remus could feel him again, remaining solid under his hand in the dirty, rocky Chamber.

"Remus..." his dark timbre called out to him.

"I know. I'm here."

Slowly, they heard footsteps from behind the snake slowly crunching toward them. "I give the order, and my snake attacks," said Slytherin.

"What do you want --?"

"You know what?" Remus interrupted Severus, voice loud and mocking. "I'm surprised at you, Slytherin." He turned his head towards the footsteps which had now ceased. "For someone who cares so much about his own soul, you must have to be awfully careful around a creature who could destroy yours with one glance."

A step closer. "When you have absolute control..."

"What is the point to any of this?" Remus demanded. He shifted his head for a moment towards the snake, as if he could see it. "What are we to you, really?"

"You are not the one who is in a position to ask me questions! I am the one with the power here! How young do you think your lover there was when he killed for the first time for the Death Eaters? How old were you when first killed?"

"Don't --" said Remus. "I wasn't in control of myself --"

"Not as a werewolf..." said Slytherin, "as a man. When did you kill your first Death Eater --"

"That was entirely different --"

"Your crimes are nothing compared to mine. Don't think you have any chance of intimidating me. I've killed more men than you've had hot dinners." Remus squeezed his eyes tight against his words, trying to banish them from his mind. "Open your eyes, Lupin, and look into your soul..."

"No," he said. "That isn't my soul in his eyes. It's just poison..."

"Yes, a rather unique form of poison, I do say. He can poison your soul... a poison born of a soul's deepest truths..."

"I don't believe you..."

"Believe it!" he cried. "Believe it and be freed..."

"From existence?"

"From meaningless existence!"

"No!" cried Remus, "None of this is meaningless! It's the greatest life I've ever lived!"

"Ignorance is bliss... Open your eyes and face your truth, Lupin. Isn't that what you've always wanted, what you've been looking for?"

"Not like this..."

"It doesn't matter how it comes. All that matters is results, in the end."

"No," said Remus, "no, that's not true. Results may vary, Slytherin. It's no wonder Gryffindor wants nothing to do with you. Because you don't understand that..."

"No, I think it's more than that," said Slytherin. "Gryffindors have such noble ideals... They think they're too much for men like me..."

"Is that what you really think?"

The silence was deadening and still. No one stirred in the Chamber, not even the Basilisk.

"No, but you see, the thing about men like me..." said Slytherin, "is that they don't hold back --" He hissed, and Remus' eyes snapped open just as the snake lunged at them and attacked.

At the very last second, he managed to push himself and Severus out of the way, and now they were in a heap on the ground, and Severus' eyes were open now too, looking in shock at Remus before coming to his senses and rushing to his feet.

Severus caught the Basilisk again, but his eyes were shut before its poison could reak too much damage, acting automatically. "Incendio!"

Still half on the floor, Remus' gaze was lifted up by the bright flames, paused there as he got up, scratched and dirty, watching the snake burn alive. He was absolutely shocked to find the poison suspended in his system while the snake burned. That poison was still in the Basilisk's eyes, but they only floated on the surface.

"Could it poison itself like this?"

"Don't be an idiot!" barked Slytherin, "Snakes have lived for millions of years without becoming poisoned by their own toxins! A snake is immune, never mind a magical snake!"

"Careful you're not envious of that snake," added Severus. "Being immune to the poison of the soul... you should be so lucky."

Remus stood fully now, looking in surprise at Severus before turning back to Slytherin. "That's it, isn't it! That's why you chose the Basilisk! Not just because you're a Parselmouth... but because that's you've been looking for all along -- the great power of the soul! You think that you can become as immune to soul poison as the Basilisk!"

"I am immune!" shouted Slytherin.

"No human can be truly immune," said Remus.

"I've found a way..." Slytherin looked at Severus. "A true Potions Master should know... that given the right ingredients... you can create anything. You can master anything. But stopping death is nothing compared to this magic... And I think you know it, don't you, Snape?"

Remus looked to Severus now, too.

"Severus... is he right, is there really a potion...?"

"None that yet exists," said Severus. "But it is possible to create... as he says, with an extensive knowledge and the right ingredients."

"Just as he says..." Slytherin mocked Severus, grinning at Remus. "Just as he says... You know, the collections you've built up over the years are still here. Only, they were mine to take. All mine. The living world and this one are two parallel worlds... a portion of space as big as existence. A new set of principles. A new infinity of parallel realities and worlds... Everything here, every detail of this world is more eternal than the last. I could use your ingredients a thousand times, and they'd still be there. And with no one to stop me... but there's still magic beyond such simple things like mermaid tears and phoenix feathers... much rarer, more individual magic. A potion that could unlock the secrets of the universe, and of the self..."

Severus looked up at the Basilisk. It was still burning. It hadn't decayed or disintegrated at all.

"Scary, isn't it?" said Slytherin. "There is no end here, no death. Everyone who lives here is already dead. That snake will burn forever if someone doesn't stop it."

"Don't you even care about him?" said Remus, eyes narrowed out of survival.

"It was merely a means to an end," said Slytherin. "It's not my pet."

"And what was that end?" said Severus, and Remus spared him a glare.

"I'm glad you asked, Snape," said Slytherin with a smirk. "And I'll answer it, of course, and even call off my snake, but you both have to make it up to me."

"I promise," said Severus, and the subtle way his mouth moved around those words hypnotised Remus for a brief moment.

Slytherin grinned. "Good."

 

 

 

"Are we really going to let the snake burn forever?" said Remus.

"There is a right and a wrong time to free it. If we were to do it now, it would destroy us instead."

"There is never a wrong time --"

"There is always a wrong time!" said Severus. "Being with me, you should know that. Think of all those years we wasted."

Remus looked Severus fully in the face now. "When is the right time? Is there ever a right time?"

Severus paused over his face, frowning. "No, just the right action."

"What is the right action now?" said Remus.

"I don't know. I've never known. That's why I've made so many horrible mistakes in my lifetime. In all likelihood, I'll continue making them."

"Like when you sacrificed yourself to save me?" said Remus.

Severus looked deadpan into his eyes. "I don't regret it. The one thing I would do again, if I had to. No matter the pain it did to me."

"Isn't that sweet?" taunted Slytherin by the entrance, having returned. "After a lifetime of grunting under the pursuit of strength, he'd give it all up for you."

Remus glared at him.

"That life was a mistake," said Severus. "It never served me, in the end. I knew nothing of life, back then. Or of love." He turned again to gaze at Remus.

"I love you too," Remus smiled.

"Purity and control… is it all that different in the end?" Slytherin snarled. "Holding sacred is nothing more than being proud over your limitations! Your lives are no more sacred than mine… If everything is sacred, then nothing is. Holding sacred over yourselves is sentiment. Holding sacred over others is an earned power. Justice would hold people sacred… but I've learned well by now that justice doesn't exist…"

"What do you mean it doesn't exist?" said Remus.

"Revenge," said Slytherin. "Oh, I tried it. I thought I was doing right. Doesn't every villain think that, in his own way? But, I might've been the purest man of my time, and I still could have been corrupted. What does that say about the human race? Oh, you can try to soften the blow, try to convince yourself that humanity has as much an opportunity, as much of a mind for goodness, but it's the evil that overflows throughout all our pores, sitting below the surface all the time…

"I thought I hated him, Gryffindor. I tried to make him… I wanted him to see, to understand… But aren't all revenge fantasies following in that line? Every misunderstood being, don't they all just want to be understood? To all extents…

"But no. I grew beyond all that, I learned my lesson. None of us can have that luxury. We can either allow it to tear us up inside, or we can disregard that feeling and fight back. No matter what, no matter if they understand why… You can understand why and still be helpless to stop it. No matter how it screeches at your soul, why doesn't really count for much after all, does it?"

"Is that it, why you care so much for your soul?" asked Remus.

"Why doesn't matter --"

"But it does!"

"Oh," said Slytherin. "Can't you just hear it? Squeezing at her heart, dancing on your lips, itching at your skin? You think that if you could just know why, you could stop all this. That it could make a difference. It makes no difference at all…"

Remus pressed his lips together tight, fighting against speaking back and confirming any of that. But even that small action seemed to prove it to him.

"You see! Helpless…"

Severus' face hovered over Remus' as he did, and if they had not been kneeling on the ground, hands tied behind their backs, he'd have kissed him better, the one time that would've been possible. Instead, his face just lingered, hesitating.

"Remus," he said. "It doesn't matter that he's right. We agreed to this, remember."

"Tell me, why did we do that again?"

Severus smirked. "I suppose it does things to your body, that pressure, over all these years…" he said. "It doesn't matter that he's right. These are new bodies, and they're bound to react... This is who I am now, my new soul. My new heart. I'm not quite the same as I was, and neither are you. Your heart is bigger than it ever was in life. That's why that foolish Tonks got dragged along. In the end, it didn't matter why, all that mattered was who your heart truly belonged to."

"You."

"Quite right."

"If you two are quite finished," said Slytherin, "I think I'll be taking what is mine."

"Oh, don't be so obvious about it!" said Severus. "If you're going to take our souls, get bloody on with it! At least cease the lectures and stop playing with your food!"

[End Chapter]


	12. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slytherin faces Gryffindor, and Remus, Snape and Tonks prepare for a battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this fan fiction during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) last year, but I never finished it. It probably won't get finished at least until I finish my current semester of Uni this year; so I probably won't pick it up again until November or December. Sorry, guys.

"It's a matter of where your loyalties lie."

"Have you ever heard of 'out for himself'?" demanded Slytherin.

"A title for a man who doesn't know the correct answer," said Severus. "A man caught in deciding, a coward!"

"Oh, and what would you know of that? Been taking lessons from Gryffindor?"

"You don't truly hate him or we wouldn't be here. Your so-called revenge would've been enough --"

"But it wasn't!" snapped Slytherin. 

"Exactly. This isn't revenge," shot Remus. "This is sport!"

Slytherin smirked into a grin. "Maybe it is, but it's sport enough to heal my wounds…" said Slytherin.

"It's bullying! You're pathetic, Slytherin! If Gryffindor was here --"

"But he's not, is he?" shouted Slytherin. "He doesn't even know of this place! It's always been my own private sanctuary… Even after all these years…"

"Sanctuary! It's a murder chamber!"

"Why do you think it's called the Chamber of Secrets?"

"Oh, I don't suppose you have a Dungeon of Lies, do you?" Remus retorted.

Severus burst into flames as he fell forwards into the rocks, unconscious. "Severus!" screamed Remus, falling to his side. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"Idiot!" cried Slytherin. "You thought you could distract me while he tried to attack my snake?"

"Distract -- what?" Remus looked down at Severus sadly, a frown pulling his lips down. "You tried to free us… While I was too busy talking…"

Remus looked back up at Slytherin, awe and hate mixed into his expression.

Slytherin laughed. "You never learn your lesson, do you? It's ironic how he's the one who mans up to me; you'd think that you were the Slytherin, and he was the Gryffindor."

"It wasn't a mistake," said Remus. "I do belong there --"

"I'd be severely disappointed in the hat if he ever made a mistake," said Slytherin.

"So what's all this for?"

"I'd have thought you'd know that by now. I'll tell you what it's about," said Slytherin, "Me. My survival. What he did to me."

"What did he ever do to you?"

"Destroyed me," said Slytherin. He turned to stare at Severus. "He'll do the same to you, one day, if I don't. Or you'll do it to him." He looked back at Remus, lowering a dagger to Remus' chest, pointing it directly to his heart. "I have to do this."

"No, you don't."

"If I don't, then my heart won't be the only thing that consumes me. Soon, so will my soul." Slytherin paused, about to plunge his hand over Remus' soul string to pull it taut and cut it with the knife.

Remus stared incredulously at Slytherin, in horror, looking into his eyes. He desperately wanted to say something, not to save himself, but to offer Slytherin some comfort or solution, to make him see what would truly save his soul. He still wanted to know what his House founder had done to Slytherin to make him this way, but he wouldn't ask; he knew Slytherin would never tell him.

"I don't wish you harm," said Remus.

They were silent for a long time. Slytherin returned Remus' gaze. "I don't care," he said, wavering.

"Yes, you do."

"But it makes no difference."

"Would you really be willing to go this far?"

"Yes!" spat Slytherin. "I... I need it... It's my life! I don't know what to do!"

"Not this!" cried Remus desperately. "There must be another way!"

Slytherin's eyes flared. "There's not, there isn't, there never has been!" he cried, and pulled the string tight, muttering incantations, raising the dagger. The string's glow grew, and Slytherin's knife downwards through it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Remus screamed at the top of his lungs. He coughed from his raw throat, sputtering onto the ground, doubled over next to his lover.

"Breaking your ties with your soul," said Slytherin. "Now it will take it's true form and attach itself to the closest life form in the room. No more simply drawing its power… it will fuse with mine, and I'll become bulletproof."

Remus eyes burning around the edges as he lifted them up, glaring beyond his face to Slytherin, who held his hand out, levitating the string before him as it drew into itself, and Remus immediately recognised it one of the glowing balls of magic he'd seen every night since he'd crossed over, hanging in the air around them.

"They're souls," he croaked. "Not particles of magic… souls…"

"You've seen Dementors before," said Slytherin. "You both should've known.

"They can only be visible at night," said Remus.

"Souls are things of magic," said Slytherin. "Why do you think I mistrusted muggles for so many years? The thinness of their magical blood… It makes you wonder about them. Why is it absent in such forms? Impurity…"

"Purity's overrated," said Remus.

The little white ball floated into Slytherin's mouth, and he swallowing it. "Not anymore. Not for me. I'm the purest being in this world!"

"God… you're a living Dementor…" Remus looked to the side at Severus. Hastily, he scrambled toward Severus, freezing his flames. Severus gasped as though breathed back to life. He felt the flames, but they were as though a summer breeze. "Remus..."

Shakily getting to his feet, he faced his lover. Remus was still on the ground, clutching at him in agony. Free but not free at all.

"Remus," said Severus more strongly.

Remus clung to his own legs, staring up through pained eyes. "How are you so strong?"

"I'm not," said Severus, both humble and bitter, "remember?"

"But you're..." said Remus, "holding together so strong."

"Forget about your pride, Remus. Take my hand," and he held it out to him.

"M-my pride?"

"Every time he tries to hurt your soul, I'll be there. Every time he hurts my heart, you'll be there. We're a team, somehow stronger together than alone."

Remus smiled cheekily through the pain. "Somehow?"

Severus crouched down to Remus' side and allowed him to pull him to his feet, cradling his waist to keep him upright against him. Remus wrapped his arms around Severus' middle and looked up into his eyes with a smile.

"I gave up on relying on anyone long ago," Severus answered.

"Well now, you've got me."

Severus shifted his arms upward to wrap around Remus' ribs, holding him strongly there and supporting him towards the exit. "The one thing I was never particularly good at, broomstick riding. But I could sure use one right now."

Remus' smile had already fallen, but now formed the soft ghost of a smile now. His face was still more preoccupied with the sting of the soul, and it was apparent in every crevice there.

"It's funny," said Remus, though Severus could barely think even Remus believed it, "I spent all those years with the Marauders, expecting they had all of me. But they could never understand certain parts of me that existed. Sirius could never accept that I was the sort of man to love you..."

"Black can kiss a brick."

A hiccough of laughter escaped Remus. "That sounds odd coming from you. But I get it..." That smile returned, just a little.

The Chamber was closed. The shute had disappeared. Severus' grip slipped, and they both slid to the floor in his effort to grab up Remus again. Severus held him tight to his chest, allowing fear to take over his body for the first time in all of this.

"We were fools..." he muttered. "What have we done?"

 

 

Remus and Severus' disappearance stretched out to a week. By now, Tonks was going out of her mind with worry, vengefully hunting down Slytherin like only an Auror could. And when she finally found him, there was hell to pay.

"I did it for justice --"

"Justice!" cried Tonks. "What did you do to them?" she demanded.

Slytherin looked back. "I did what I had to do --"

"Tell me!"

"If you're not careful, you'll end up there too!" shot Slytherin.

"End up where?" she demanded.

Slytherin fell silent.

"Well?" she demanded. "You were so eager to speak, and now you're silent! Tell me!"

"I will not give up my sanctuary --"

"Sanctuary! I'll take a bet it's not a sanctuary to them! Where is it?"

"Why do you care?" he snapped. "I did what I needed to. It's over --"

"Not as long as I'm here --" said Tonks.

"They mean nothing to you now!"

"Like hell they don't! Just because I hate Snape, just because Remus rejected me, does not mean I don't care! I will always care!"

"I will not be as foolish as you," said Slytherin. "Surrendering your soul for a hopeless love --"

"It is not hopeless! I'm not doing this to get anything out of it, I'm doing it because despite everything he's done to me, I still owe it to him!"

"You are foolish --"

"Am I?" she demanded. "Well, at least I'm not as callous as you are --"

"I did what I had to --"

"Yeah, yeah! If you really believed that, why are you so desperate for me to believe it? You need me to convince of it. Well, forget it -- you and I both know the truth, and I refuse to deny it!"

"He's fire, he burns and destroys! Do you really think he shouldn't be put out? Don't you think he deserves that, after everything he's done?"

"He may be fire, but I'll grow back after him. He isn't evil --"

"And I am?"

"You're not as good as you think you are!"

"And you are? He is? We are always better than we think we are--"

"I'm not!" shot Tonks. "I'm worse."

"Naive Hufflepuffs..." said Slytherin. "You don't understand anything of people, do you? You can lie to yourself all you want... but life is so much darker than that..."

"No, it's not."

"Then I will show you," said Slytherin. "I'll show you the truth."

 

 

"NO!" screamed Remus, banging down the wall, as Severus watched him helplessly. He watched with a hard, stoic face, knowing nothing he could stay would stop him. "LET US OUT!" he screamed. They had been trapped for days. Remus had finally snapped.

Severus blamed himself for that. He could be really insensitive even when he didn't want to. "There's no way," he mumbled.

"THERE -- has to be!" cried Remus. Tears finally squeezed out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are."

The wall opened up. Severus could only stare in shock as Slytherin ascended the chute. Never in history could he be this lucky. After only a few days? That was far too soon. Did Slytherin have a death wish? No, he couldn't; this was the dead world. Either way, Severus was suspicious.

"You're letting us out of here?" asked Remus hopefully.

"Oh, I'm willing to risk it --"

"Bullshit," said Severus.

"Severus, why are you arguing?" pleaded Remus.

"I know his mind. All this is too easy."

"You'd rather stay down here, where just on the surface is your saviour?"

"Who is that?" demanded Severus.

"Please, Severus, just come on!"

Severus looked at Remus. He couldn't afford to be stubborn if there was really a hope of escaping. "Fine. But if there's something going on here --"

"What could go any worse?" said Remus.

"Famous last words, Remus..." said Severus.

The first thing Severus saw when he emerged was bubblegum pink hair. "What are you doing here, Tonks? Does anyone know you're here?"

"Good to see you too," she retorted.

"Do they?" Severus insisted.

"No," she said.

"Brilliant," said Severus. "Did you not think of what might have happened if this didn't all go according to plan?"

She glared at him. "Do I look like an idiot to you?"

"As a matter of fact --"

"Severus," Remus warned. Severus flashed him a look.

"I'm an Auror," said Tonks. "I know things even you don't, Snape. I'm trained for just scenarios like that."

"If you insist," he said with a smug air.

As he took in Slytherin's expression, his smirk disappeared, to be replaced by a glare.

"What is all this about?" she demanded, completely ignoring Severus now, instead directing her glare straight at Slytherin. He had closed his distance between Tonks and Severus, putting both on their guard to avoid him.

"The pain that one has to endure when they lose a loved one is unbearable," he said, facing them, mocking them, "What would be harder though: losing the loved one or finding out, after years, that they were never really dead at all? Limbo, the place between worlds, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's a world where you're both living and dead.  It all depends on which door you choose."

Remus reached out and took Severus' hand. "You can't push us out. We won't let you."

"Then what's taken you so long to act?"

"Life as a ghost... I don't want that. None of us do. I would rather live, than survive as you would have us do. Or have  _me_ do. All this was was your revenge. For a whole year, I was with the werewolves -- I'm going to fix this --"

"You don't get it! You were cut off from me," Tonks said. "I only had Molly to console me, with only the story they gave me, that you simply refused to see me, I started to wonder in my desperation whether you were really still there at all... but every time, I swore you loved me, deep down. And if you were really in danger, you'd tell me, no matter what was going on between us. Your mission was a dangerous one --"

"No more dangerous than anything I've ever done," snapped Severus.

"You were going to run from me all over again," said Tonks.

"I'm so sorry, Tonks, I never meant to --"

Slytherin seemed quite pleased with himself. "You see, no better than me," he said, "we're all the same, in the end. Remus ran it out of cowardice, it doesn't matter why," said Slytherin. "All that matters is what we do, in the end."

Slytherin was right. Tonks couldn't see it, but Severus could. All he could feel right now was dread.

"Remus isn't a coward," said Severus. "Not now. You don't even understand..."

"In what way were you not a coward?" Tonks demanded.

"Tonks," warned Remus. "We're supposed to uniting against Slytherin, remember?"

"No, but really," she said.

"Oh, but really," said Slytherin. "I'm really not that bad a man --"

"Severus, don't --" said Remus, for he could tell he was about to tell them both off. "It wouldn't help --"

Severus looked fiercely at Remus now. "When I died, I gave Harry Potter intelligence that will change his entire mind about me, but he will be free to make every Gryffindor interpretation of that he wishes," said Snape with disgust. "Likewise, I'm free to do the same of you. Do you want to know what makes you brave?"

Tonks glared at Severus, but he directed his glare directly at Slytherin, avoiding her gaze completely. "Because you're willing to face off, even kill anyone who gets in the way of being with who you love. If given the choice, I would do the same."

Fear sparked in Tonks' eyes, and she sprang into action. Slytherin started moving a moment later, but it was too late; Tonks caught him with the first spell. Remus just stared in astonishment as ropes bound up Slytherin on the floor, a mass off limbs that reminded him of the wolf so many years ago.

"What are we going to do with him?" asked Severus maliciously.

"Wotcher, what do you think we're going to do with him? You can't hand him in to Dumbledore. He knows everything about us. He's involved. What do you think turning him in would mean for us? He's our responsibility --"

"He's out of our hands --"

"Only if you hand him over --"

"Hold on," said Remus, stepping forward between them. "What would you have us do?" Remus asked, now turning fully on Severus.

"Remus --"

Severus looked fully into Remus' eyes, sizing him up. "We keep him for ourselves, get --"

"Yeah, get what?" shot Tonks. "What you're suggesting is just as bad as what you yourselves just went through --"

"We deserve revenge," said Severus. "At least for once in my life --"

"What you deserve," said Tonks, "is your freedom. Beyond that…"

"You couldn't care less, right?" said Severus. "We're just scum to you --"

"I agree with Slytherin," said Remus. "There are no true morals. All that exists is words and action. I have even come to think that not all people who think that way are evil. Not I, or Slytherin, or even Draco Malfoy. We simply see a world that no one does. We see people, and we learn who they are. We can understand and control that world. Just because some use that power for the wrong purposes, doesn't make that truth any less. We're the same, you just can't stand the fact, so you elevate yourself to a higher plane of existence. You tell yourself you're better, because that's how you live with yourself, but ask yourself… what things have you done in wartime that you never would have before? We still have plans--"

"And that's another thing," demanded Tonks, "when were you planning on telling me you just planned to leave me alone to raise a child, again?"

Remus felt his stomach drop.

Severus turned furiously to Remus, not just outraged but with an open expression of pain in his face. "A child?"

Remus closed his eyelids in embarrassment. "I wasn't going to do this again. I wasn't going to be a deadbeat dad. My child didn't deserve that any more than I did. God--" his eyes flew open, "-- I won't even be here for his adult years anyway. My son… my daughter… won't be there for me. They have to leave this world anyway, so why shouldn't I?"

"Because that child will still be real, Remus, and they'll be missing their father! Can you really do that to them?"

"Our child will never have a life on the other side," said Remus. "The Ministry will hold him here, he'll never get to see the world outside. Many parents raise children alone…"

"Then we need to find another way. I can't be whole with either one of you unless I can completely forget the other, perhaps not even then… Maybe if I could see my son... but no. I can't be like that. I will do whatever I can for him, but I can't let myself fall in that deep. I don't know if I could survive it."

Remus sighed, and looked to Severus for help, his eyes pleading. Severus looked at Tonks. "We're taking Slytherin --"

They argued on about Slytherin until they came to an agreement. Remus kept an ear out for deviation in their negotiations, ever ready to step in. He managed to catch an uneasy compromise: they would drag Slytherin into the Ministry and keep him hidden in the Department of Mysteries. Tonks and Severus would take it in turns to see him to negotiate his release with Gryffindor.

 

 

"Nobody knows you're here."

The room was dark. In the living world, this was where the Ministry would've kept the children of the Veil. In this world, the room was just advertising space, and empty enough to hide Slytherin in the interim.

It was dark here. With the black walls and dim light, was it any wonder with deep shadows on Remus' face that he looked as dark as he did?

"Where's Gryffindor?" demanded Slytherin. He knew their entire arrangement, and he'd been demanding it for days. "You're not going to get anything more out of me. And just think; if the Ministry catches me here --"

"But they won't. Severus has cast a number of enchantments on this room, and it's not just Muffliato. Any official passing by here will be entirely unable to even notice this room even if they're staring it in the face. We're entirely invisible."

"Your husband must be a genius at spells."

"He's not my --" Remus blushed, and cleared his throat.

"I bet Snape's getting his run of revenge on me," Slytherin continued, ignoring Remus. "I suppose he thinks it's torturing me, but I don't need it. I'm in far more control than he thinks I am."

"Is that control?" said Remus. "Cut off from your heart like that? Or is it that you have nothing left to live for --"

"Oh, I'm cut off from it, yes, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still beat. If it did, you'd have never gotten out of that hospital," said Slytherin. "I don't mourn their loss. I can't feel it."

"Even in the pits of despair, I'd never wish to stop loving Severus. I think I feel like he's too important. And I know you feel the same, so why do this?"

"Because I should wish that!" snapped Slytherin. "You can let yourself be weak this much. I know... what that really does to you. You'd allow yourself to be ripped apart, and for what? That's not how you pull yourself from despair. Just the opposite. Never mourn what you can't have. It'll only destroy your heart, piece by piece. Even when it's right, it's wrong. Even when you win, you lose."

"And I suppose you'd know all about that. Me and Severus, Dumbledore and Grindelwald... we're not alone in this, are we, that kind of love? You share it too, don't you? You know it, too."

"No! Ridiculous! Don't be..."

A look faded in his eyes, and Remus knew he had him. "Yes," said Remus, "you do."

Slytherin angled glared up, helpless. "I was a romantic fool. I loved him, maybe... but I was stupid to think he'd ever feel the same. I was his friend, and that's all he ever knew. It's all I ever could be. I know its all just fantasy for me, but please don't tell him. I know you're going to, even if I beg you not to. Just don't tell him if I'm in the room... Please..."

Remus looked at him sympathetically. "Fine."

 

 

"I've been locked in this building… for too many days now..."

Slytherin looked like shit. His eyes had deep shadows under them, and his skin had paled to white. The trio finally had to admit he was fading away, and they would have to concede. Remus had never seen a face so furious as Gryffindor's.

"His soul is fading away! You will all pay for this. This means war --"

"Wait!" said Remus, who had already crumbled under Gryffindor's gaze. "We take full responsibility. The Ministry doesn't even know he's here. You have to understand… this man has put us through hell. We were afraid of him, of what he might do next."

"He was only trying to survive --"

"Excuse me," said Severus, "but if I may interject…" Gryffindor stared at him, his eyes blazing. "Slytherin always insisted that you were the man who led all his actions. He blamed you for making him weak, and now you're here acting very protective of him. He claimed you never returned his love, but perhaps you did?"

"What--?" Gryffindor snapped his gaze to Severus. "He -- Is that true?"

"Severus…" said Remus, looking horrified. "I told you in confidence--"

"It is necessary."

"Tough talk, Snape!" spat Slytherin. "You certainly changed your tune when it's not _your_ secret to give!"

Severus turned a cold gaze to Slytherin. "I'd say you've had much longer than I have," said Snape. "A thousand years, isn't it? And in all that time…?"

"Salazar…" said Gryffindor, his features barely softened, yet with a significant weight in them. "You could never tell me… Why?"

"Death couldn't hold me back," said Slytherin, "but I always feared what I… felt for…" Slytherin let the unvoiced word hover in the air to be interpreted. His voice was so weak and eyes too wet, that no one really believed that he could say it himself.

"I'm sorry, Godric."

"You damn well should be," he said. "You don't know how much pain you have caused me."

"You don't even know the half of mine," retorted Slytherin with a broken laugh. Gryffindor only frowned at him, and something passed between their eyes. "You idiot," said Gryffindor.

Slytherin laughed again, a look of horror in his eyes. "I was afraid…" he tried to say.

"Why?" Gryffindor demanded.

"I always cared so damn much what you thought about me…" said Slytherin. "Even when I was driven from the school, I was still so desperate for your approval. I always assumed it was weakness on my part, but I could never seem to help myself. Even when things were the worst, there was always one more step to rock bottom. I held onto that elevation, because you were always mine, but if I revealed that one last secret… I feared I really would lose you forever. So I had to find something else to live for. I convinced myself the pain wasn't real, or that it wouldn't last, and when it did… I had to find something else.

"And I did. But then you had to go and ruin it! Every time you showed up in my life again, it screwed me up again and again… You reduced me to a waste…"

"What do you think you did to me?" barked Gryffindor. Slytherin raised his eyes to Gryffindor, searching. There was anger there, but pain and misunderstanding hid underneath it.

"What did I do?" he demanded. "What could I do to you?"

“Don’t you see?” cried Gryffindor. “Loving you, losing you… You made me think I could be evil, no matter what I did! Even in turning against you like that... I always hated myself for that. You don't think that little of yourself, I know it, Salazar," said Gryffindor. "You never have. You are nothing if not a proud man."

"Maybe I was," said Slytherin, "once. But that was a long time ago…"

"So what has become of you now?" asked Gryffindor. "Are you not the proud man I loved, even on the worst days? What do you think I have made you?"

"What do I think...!" said Slytherin, a loathing beyond insult lifting his voice into a bark. "You have lost me. You have made me... hate myself, more than you can know. You have made me want to hate you, want to control you. And I will."

"How do you expect to do that, while you remain trapped in this place?" said Severus, condenscension in his voice.

"Oh, Salazar..." said Gryffindor, an expression filled with hurt and sympathy, his brows pulled tight.

Remus had no idea how any of them were going to get out of this mess.


End file.
